I would not see it as ‘punishment’ of any kind, just normal consequences of my past choices. It’s not like we are being locked out of a romance, specific achievements, or dying, or having a stat decrease drastically. It would, in fact, feel a bit weird if the Keepers react the same way in both instances (or do not call us out) which might give the impression that they don’t really care all that much.
I would say share them, because I’m craving more of this story and I’ll take what I can get but it’s up to you.
Thanks for the explanation! And your character will get a chance for the relationship to improve, it’ll just take a hit at the start of it all.
Ahh, you’ll get different reactions yes; the reason I asked is I was rereading some dialogues I’d wittten and… I realise some sound pretty hostile. Was wondering if I should turn it down a little
Aight then! I’d share them when they’re more polished/when I get back to my laptop thanks for the response too!
I think that it’s more natural/believeable that the other characters react in some kind with us deciding to gave up Idris to the enemy.
As for the character profile, honestly, I never really like the idea of character profile being shared firsthand, especially for works like this. It just kills the suspense for me.
The MC is a police officer, so them handing a child over to some random weirdos seems like sort of thing you should be yelled at for, at the very least.
Thanks for the responses! so I don’t have to rewrite some parts, yay.
Hmmmmm and about character profiles… I guess I’ll try to polish up a section of chapter 2 and upload that first that moment when you know what scenes you wanna write but can’t decide on their order or how some scenes will play out
I’m all for the other characters calling the MC out, and even having a negative effect on relationship stats, if I choose an option that they will obviously not be happy about or should have a punishment attached to it.
I think it’s when you are punishing just because the player doesn’t necessarily play in “the right way” in situations where there shouldn’t be a punishment, that it starts to feel like you’re not just punishing the main character but the player.
That makes a lot of sense! Thanks for clarifying too, now I’ve a better idea of what’s considered player punishment and what isn’t.
@Mad_Man y’all not helping my dilemma I’ll see what I can churn out for chapter two first and … likely share it up to when you’re introduced to them. Maybe that’d change, idk
I also like Quenton. Potential RO there would not be all wrong, ahem, but I won’t push that, can’t make a RO of every potential character, or you’ll never finish the thing. Close friend would be lovely too, though.
@Taylor_Enean aww thanks for saying that, you have no idea how happy I am that you do like it!
And I’m really speechless that over 130 of you have liked my story so far. It’s more than I’ve ever expected, and I’m so very humbled and honored at the love and all the kind words all of you have spoken.
Though I’m more stressed out now that I can’t deliver in chapter 2…which brings me to this.
Another progress update:
under this tab as it got too long
Work has been very draining these past weeks and will continue to be. I haven’t been in the best state of mind to write well so progress is slow.
But, I’ve actually written about 10% of chapter 2, but the thing is… I’m really, highly, dissatisfied with it. Some characters aren’t coming out the way I want them to, and neither are the plot points coming out in a way I’d like them to. Basically I really dislike what I’ve written…so I’m not up to share it yet.
A major change I’m still working around is how to give Quenton a more major role in the story. It’s diverging from my initial vaguely planned outline as he was originally only supposed to be a minor player, but with how many of you liking him, I figured it’ll be better to promote his status in the story (but not yet to RO though, sorry!) That means the later parts of my story will change too, but… I’ll figure that out.
So what does this mean?
I’d be doing a lot of rewriting, and hopefully it’ll be of satisfactory standard in time to come.
Fun fact: I actually discarded over 9000 words that were supposed to go into chapter one, so… yeah. It was a painful decision but I’m certain it was the right choice.
And sorry if I keep rambling around the same idea; I have no faith in my writing skills and creativity
Final point: some of you might know that I’ve recently started writing fanfiction on Tumblr for Fallen Hero: http://cheion-writes.tumblr.com.
And no, I’m not abandoning my story; I’m using fanfic as a way to practice writing characters and dialogues so I can get better at this, so feel free to send me Asks if you so desire!
Final final point: This is basically me for this story
Till then, have a great weekend everyone!
(While I cry and sigh since I work on Saturdays).
Speaking as someone struggling with a lot of similar issues, I’d simply advise you to keep the faith. Yes, sometimes you will look back on those last six pages you just wrote and ask yourself “what did I just do?” Let them sit for a few days, or even a few weeks. Upon re-reading them I’ve found that many times they can be salvaged with a few changes of phrasing.
You will be very tempted to take feeback given in earnest, whether from here on the forums or elsewhere and feel you should make changes that people have suggested that seem to make sense and will probably make some readers happy. Some changes are inevitable, and some suggestions really are worthy ideas…but never forget this is your story driven by your vision. If you try to write someone else’s story you will quickly find your motivation and energy sapped.
You really do have the beginning of a very compelling story here. Take your time with it. I’ve walked away from writing for a week or more at a time when I felt I was trying to force things to meet some self-imposed deadline. I completely understand the desire to put more stuff out for public consumption because you want your story told, and maybe because you feel a little bit obligated to produce content for all those nice people who gave you all those wonderful comments. They are wonderful people, and as such they’re very content to wait for you.
Apologies if any of this came across as condescending, as that a was definitely not the intent. It’s essentially the same talk I’ve given to myself a few times since I took the plunge and tried to become a writer. I’m really very excited to see where you take this story, so take your time and just try to enjoy the process. That little feeling you get when you write a page of material and just say to yourself “okay, yeah, that’s actually grade A stuff”…that’s part of what makes the process of creation such a blast.
(And, here’s a second apology for all the rambling).
My more detailed views: this is a very strong start so far and does something that I really love: presents a reader with some mysteries to think about early on. I love being given something I wondered about when I enter a story and hints about what those of the story’s world may have thought/or reacted to certain events while thinking to myself ‘but what REALLY happened’ or ‘why did this happen’. I’m looking forward to discovering those truths in the story, like why Miranda left a child to the MC and what really happened that night that caused the Great Divide (amongst many other things that caught my curiosity).
Another thing I love so far is the addition of the mysterious child Idris. I love when the MC gets chancing of creating bonds outside the romantic ones and especially enjoy the idea of a older MC creating a connection with a child who has suddenly been trusted into their life under odd circumstances. I can’t wait to get to know her as a character and discovering the nature of her origins.
Of course, I am also fond of the supernatural aspect of the story (I really love fantasy and mythological creatures a lot) and am looking forward to see what the mythological beings are like. Especially if their contact with humans has been severely limited due to the Great Divide; kinda curious about how they’ll interact with the MC and what views they may hold toward to humanity.
Omg wow y’all are so nice I’m really, really touched by your replies.
@Joshua_Koch thank you for your long heartfelt message and the sound advice! I so relate to everything that you say - and you didn’t come across as condescending at all! Rather your pep talk has really given me a lot of perspective, insight and comfort so thank you so much for sharing this with me
I admit that trying to force things out to meet a self imposed deadline has been what I’ve been trying to do… and I’ve realized doing so has really compromised its quality. My style of writing is mainly through random bursts of inspiration, so trying to set a ‘disciplined’ daily writing schedule isn’t quite working out well.
And, please don’t ever apologise for what you said! I actually think it’s great for authors, be it published ones, aspiring ones, or those who want to write one but have yet to do so, to share their thoughts and struggles in the writing process. I feel it’s how we can all learn and improve together, while supporting each other along our writing journey
@Okami-Nora thank you so much for your detailed review! I’m trying to think of a way to maintain just that, while keeping the story moving forward. Your review has actually given me thought to a few things I’ve not considered, so thank you for that!
@TheWarsOfStars thank you for leaving such a positive review too!! I hope I will be able to deliver up to expectations!
@Takashi_Shin ahhh takashi, I’ve not said this before though I really should have. Thank you for all the positive comments you have been leaving not just on my WIP, but every thread I see you on! More than once, they’ve put a smile on my face, so thank you for always being so supportive. Thank you for believing in me
And thank you all for showing your support :’) even to all the lurkers here
but it’s up to you.
thanks for the response too!
that moment when you know what scenes you wanna write but can’t decide on their order or how some scenes will play out 
I’ll see what I can churn out for chapter two first and … likely share it up to when you’re introduced to them. Maybe that’d change, idk 
Potential RO there would not be all wrong, ahem, but I won’t push that, can’t make a RO of every potential character, or you’ll never finish the thing. Close friend would be lovely too, though. 
