Keepers of Fairfort (WIP) [1st post: 19 Nov 18]

low-fantasy
gender-choice

#1

Keepers of Fairfort

Hi everyone!

Some of you might remember me from my post on the interest check thread some time back. After much worrying and trying to overcome the anxiety of posting this publicly…here is what I have thus far! It’s my first ChoiceScript project, and the first piece of fiction of my own creation and I’m both excited and anxious to share it here.

Set in the town of Fairfort where supernaturals once walked side-by-side with humans, you play as an officer trying to solve the mystery of a woman’s disappearance. Things become more complex however when she shows up unannounced at your door with a child in tow, and the vague warning that danger lurks near…

Currently, the demo is completed up to the first chapter. There’s about 13k words including code, with roughly 5.9k words per playthrough. Feedback on the plot, bugs, or errors of any kind will be greatly appreciated!

Demo: https://dashingdon.com/go/3193


The Plot

You are a police officer working in a small town, and despite not having been in the force for long, you thought you have almost seen it all.

You were wrong.

One night, the town is rocked with a strange disappearance. There are no clues; no suspects; nothing. It is as if the young woman had simply vanished into thin air.

Days later, the missing woman turns up on your doorstep. She shoves a small child into your arms, whispering just two words before she disintegrates into dust:

”Protect her.”

It is not long before allies and enemies alike come knocking at your door, and soon, you and the small child are taken in by a group that claims to be there to help.

As you try to navigate life with the Keepers who possess gifts you once thought extinct, you have to discover: Who was that strange woman? Who is after this child, and why? Who are these enigmatic Keepers? Who are the mysterious Seekers that lurk in the dark? And above all… how is this all connected to Fairfort’s past?


Gameplay Features
  • Play as male, female, or non-binary, gay or straight.
  • Customise your own appearance, personality and skills.
  • Enjoy a thrilling fantasy of adventure, mystery, friendship, and betrayal.
  • Join, befriend and even romance the allies you will meet, each with their own unique personality, secrets and skills.
  • Unlock the truths of the child you have been entrusted to protect.
  • Discover the truth of Fairfort’s past.

Romance Options

There are 6 planned ROs, 4 of which are gender-flippable.

  1. Lorraine/Levine, the leader of the Keepers
    A cynical and sarcastic vampire rumoured to be one of the last remaining purebloods.

  2. Enya/Eden, the healer
    A melancholic and compassionate angel renowned for a talent in the mystic arts.

  3. Aeryn/Aldren, the enchanter
    A friendly and wise vampire to be a master of elemental magic.

  4. Tiana/Thoren, the fighter
    A jovial and mischievous werewolf notorious for strong combat prowess.

  5. Skylar (non-binary)
    A protective yet shy werewolf with a penchant for incredible stealth.

  6. Vance (non-binary)
    A frank, secretive yet headstrong demon.


Other Characters
  • Quenton: Your partner in the Fairfort Police Department.

  • Idris: The child who has been entrusted into your care.

  • Miranda: The child’s mother whose reason for disappearance remains unknown to you.


Changelog
  • 19 Nov 2018: Demo posted!


Most anticipated HG WIP?
#2

Wow. I almost forgot I was playing a WIP, this is really good!
(also idris is a little fluff ball i must protec)


#3

The story is very interesting and well written, I was so disappointed when I reached the end of the demo. :sweat_smile: All the ROs are very interesting but I can’t help to be drawn to Levine the cynical and sarcastic vampire (as always). :blush:
In the end of the demo, was the person that caught you before you fall Eden the angel?


#4

Im a sucker for cop’s games, my new favorite Lol


#5

Keep up the good work!

IMG_20181118_200232_166


#6

Really interesting premise! I especially look forward to exploring the MC’s relationship with the kid. I don’t think I’ve played (m)any games with an important character who is a child. Definitely found myself on the edge of my seat, and I look forward to reading more :slight_smile:

Small stuff:

Summary


Boring holes I think

In the middle of the flash back, you switch from past tense to present


To deem is a transitive verb, so it needs an object (“deemed it fit to…”)



To niggle in this sense is intransitive, so maybe rephrase the sentence? Also ponder doesn’t need a preposition

“Reply to you” or just “doesn’t reply”

This misspelling might be intentional, but I thought it couldn’t hurt to include it

Last comment–most of your screens are really short, which makes the pacing fast (not a bad thing), but it might be nice to have some variation in the length of your text screens, especially in the beginning when we’re learning about the world and our MCs.

Over all it was lovely to read! Also, if you don’t want small stuff feedback in the future, please tell me, and I won’t include it :slight_smile:


#7

@TriWop @kitkat @Pedro_Ferreira @guardsman000071 thank you so much for the interest! :hugs:

And wow @sviyagin thank you for your lovely comment and for picking out those things! I’ll fix them when I get back on my laptop. I’m fine with small stuff feedback, if it isn’t too much trouble for you! :slight_smile:


Edit: woops so somehow I missed out a whole chunk of things some of y’all said. I blame it on my sleep addled brain since it’s 4am here and I have to be awake in 3 hours. Woops.

You’ll find out in chapter two :wink: but considering I listed Enya/Eden in the first post, I guess it’s quite obvious anyway so I’ll just answer it: yes it is!
And @guardsman000071 hahaha I hope to do a good enough job but I sure ain’t as good a writer as many around here :rofl:


#8

I’ll agree with everyone else here; this is really good and I can’t wait to see more!


#9

This is really amazing, I’m already so emotionally invested in this story.


#10

I like mysteries! It’s interesting that we, the player aren’t supernatural but the ROs are, I can’t wait to meet them. :smirk:


#11

Good start! I’m certainly intrigued.

Two things I noticed:

First, concerning the save plugin, in *sm_init mygame you should use a unique variable instead of “mygame”, otherwise all games that use the same variable basically share the save system with each other.

The other thing I noticed is that the “ash” hair color option actually sets it to “ash-green” in the code. I suggest using “ash-green” for the choice itself as well, because I usually associate ash with of more of a grey color, rather than green. Though this just a small thing, really.


#12

Interesting story, it certainly grabbed my attention. A pitty the Boss isn’t a RO, I thought we had something going on there with all the smiles.

Two small things, 1) Just a pet peeve of mine, but isn’t better to just write My hair is brown-black-blond? Same with the eye color. 2) Idris is 8, yet she sounds so much younger. I think kids stop showing you how old they are when they’re 4 or 5.

Cool demo, good luck :slight_smile:


#13

I really like this so far! Definitely one to watch.


#14

That was a great read I look forward to your story


#15

Thanks everyone for the wonderful comments!

And @Winter yikes I forgot to change those things :woman_facepalming: I’ll edit them soon, along with those other errors that were picked out earlier.

@pimenita haha unfortunately for now, I haven’t planned any romance route for him yet!

Heh… I kinda have a love for metaphors and similes, so … :sweat_smile: how does everyone else feel about it? I’ll change if it it’s an issue.

And for (2). Oh! Right, yes, that’s a good point! Thanks for picking that out! I’ll edit that part too! :slight_smile:


Eep, the click counter reset itself when I updated the first post.


#16

I usually prefer it if the colors are plainly stated. Otherwise I always have to google stuff like “emerald” or “sapphire” because I can’t for the life of me remember the color of things :sweat_smile: orz

I’ve seen this in another thread as well. Seems to be a thing now? Unfortunate as it is, better not get too attached to the click counter.


#17

Just wanted to let you know that you’re still using “mygame” as your keyword for *sm_init. Thus, I got a save conflict since another WIP also uses “mygame” as their keyword.

Aah… nevermind. @Winter already mentioned it :v


#18

I can’t wait to get home and read this!


#19

this is really well written and intrigued me a lot already. I’m excited to find out, what will happen next!! :slight_smile:


#20

In actually really like these metaphors for the hair and eye colour…it’s much more aesthetically pleasing, than the blunt descriptions, but that’s my opinion :smile: