Keepers of Fairfort (WIP) [1st post: 19 Nov 18]

I am SO pumped for this WIP. it already looks so cool and almost polished! Can’t wait for your next update!

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My simple response to the demo so far: YES.

My more detailed views: this is a very strong start so far and does something that I really love: presents a reader with some mysteries to think about early on. I love being given something I wondered about when I enter a story and hints about what those of the story’s world may have thought/or reacted to certain events while thinking to myself ‘but what REALLY happened’ or ‘why did this happen’. I’m looking forward to discovering those truths in the story, like why Miranda left a child to the MC and what really happened that night that caused the Great Divide (amongst many other things that caught my curiosity).

Another thing I love so far is the addition of the mysterious child Idris. I love when the MC gets chancing of creating bonds outside the romantic ones and especially enjoy the idea of a older MC creating a connection with a child who has suddenly been trusted into their life under odd circumstances. I can’t wait to get to know her as a character and discovering the nature of her origins.

Of course, I am also fond of the supernatural aspect of the story (I really love fantasy and mythological creatures a lot) and am looking forward to see what the mythological beings are like. Especially if their contact with humans has been severely limited due to the Great Divide; kinda curious about how they’ll interact with the MC and what views they may hold toward to humanity.

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I believe in you to me you are putting time and hard work in making Keepers of fairfort how you want it

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Omg wow y’all are so nice :sob: I’m really, really touched by your replies. :yellow_heart:

@Joshua_Koch thank you for your long heartfelt message and the sound advice! I so relate to everything that you say - and you didn’t come across as condescending at all! Rather your pep talk has really given me a lot of perspective, insight and comfort so thank you so much for sharing this with me :heart_decoration:

I admit that trying to force things out to meet a self imposed deadline has been what I’ve been trying to do… and I’ve realized doing so has really compromised its quality. My style of writing is mainly through random bursts of inspiration, so trying to set a ‘disciplined’ daily writing schedule isn’t quite working out well.

And, please don’t ever apologise for what you said! I actually think it’s great for authors, be it published ones, aspiring ones, or those who want to write one but have yet to do so, to share their thoughts and struggles in the writing process. I feel it’s how we can all learn and improve together, while supporting each other along our writing journey :slight_smile:

@Okami-Nora thank you so much for your detailed review! I’m trying to think of a way to maintain just that, while keeping the story moving forward. Your review has actually given me thought to a few things I’ve not considered, so thank you for that! :slight_smile:

@TheWarsOfStars thank you for leaving such a positive review too!! :slight_smile: I hope I will be able to deliver up to expectations!

@Takashi_Shin ahhh takashi, I’ve not said this before though I really should have. Thank you for all the positive comments you have been leaving not just on my WIP, but every thread I see you on! More than once, they’ve put a smile on my face, so thank you for always being so supportive. Thank you for believing in me :hugs:


And thank you all for showing your support :’) even to all the lurkers here :two_hearts:

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Shhh. Do not unlurk the lurkers

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* offers up a dark-cloaked blanket*

is this enough for y’all to hide? I promise not to look under it again. for now.

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That’s quite the, ahem, blanket statement, I find… :thinking: :wink:

As for the nice replies and praise, pfft, you get what you deserve, and you’ve earned those. :grin:

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I especially like the trope How far are you willing to go for the love of your life ? And i answer " all the way" :-):grin:

Sort of Deja Vu because i read and answer the similar line for the interaction with Lady Katarina in Guns of Infinity :-):laughing:

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* sniffles *

6482BDBE-4B09-466B-9E9F-3FF987C412D9

Wait there was such a scene? :rofl: I need to replay this game!

Hmm…not at the moment I think! I’m a little cautious about writing anything about body sizes , as I don’t wanna come off as disrespectful to any body type, which definitely won’t be my intention :slight_smile:

I’ll focus on getting the main story out first, and perhaps these additional flavor text can come in at the later stage of polishing!

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It was during the secret mission of either capturing or assasinate Princess Anna and Aleksandra , after obtaining the detail, Lady Katarina was waiting at the tent and awaiting MC’s respond

Oops… i never thought those flavour text remark could cause a problem… sorry, i will remove them now :slight_smile:

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Oh no it’s perfectly fine! It’s a good suggestion and would be really great to have in a game :smiley: I just wanna avoid promising too much haha.

And ooohhhh I see! It’s been awhile since I played that route xD

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yells

THIS!!! YOUR DEMO IS WONDERFUL AND IM SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS ENTIRE GAME AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

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@planetmars lol! I’m glad you like it! I’m still hoping I can deliver this well. As much as I love mystery, I haven’t ever tried writing one before till now :rofl: I’ve a lot more experience in penning short emotive/descriptive pieces so I’m still working to polish up the dialogue scenes (which I fear aren’t my forte!)


Small Update

Just posting a small update here as I’ll be away on vacation in a couple of days till Christmas, so I probably will be MIA here during this period. Hopefully the break from life will provide a much needed dose of relaxation and inspiration!

And before I poof off… here’s something for all of you :slight_smile:


For those who have read the demo

Here are some snippets for you! It’s still a very early draft, so pardon the awkward expressions. The final product I upload will likely differ slightly from this one :slight_smile:

Here's a teeny snippet of how you'll meet Eden/Enya in Chapter 2!

The snippet here is what happens a little after Chapter 1. There’ll be a transition scene before you wake up that isn’t shown here.

When you open your eyes, you don’t recognise where you are. You’re sitting in a small bed, the walls around you painted a warm yellow hue, a window by your side allowing for a view of the expanse of forestry outside.

The peripheries of your vision catch a sudden movement by your side, but a gentle shushing halts the curse before it spills out of your mouth:

“Shhh, you’ll wake her.”

The voice is soft and calming, like tinkling bells on a quiet day. You turn to the side as someone looms into your line of sight. Your eyes are immediately drawn to a pair of concerned hazel eyes. The stranger who had just spoken has a face framed by a mop of blonde hair which curls around a sharp chin, the faint rays of the sun casting a warm glow upon glowing, ivory skin.

“Who are you?” you ask, wincing when you hear just how croaky and weak your voice sounds.

#”My name’s Enya,” she says,
#”My name’s Eden,” he says,

“and it’s nice to have you back with us. You really had me worried for a bit there." ${enya} pats the back of your hand gently. “Now, it’s best that you be silent and still. You haven’t quite healed yet, and t girl’s still sleeping. It’s best we don’t wake her.”

If you helped Idris...

You watch ${e_his} eyes dart down to someone by your side. “The poor child’s exhausted.”

You blink as you become aware of a light weight pressing into your ribs. It’s a testament to how exhausted you feel that you did not notice it earlier, but when you glance down, you see a small girl with mop of black hair snuggled by your side, her arm draped across your chest.

Idris.

“She was pretty distressed when you wouldn’t wake up,” {enya} smiles softly. “‘Refused to leave you. She said, and I quote, ‘_!{mc_he} didn’t leave me so I won’t too.’._ !{e_he} chuckles as {e_he} shakes {e_his} head fondly. It took us a long time to calm her down enough to rest, but even then…” {enya} gestures at Idris. “…you can see that it isn’t stopping her from being close to you.”

You can’t help but smile at that.

*choice
# “She looks so peaceful.”
“Indeed she does,” ${enya} smiles.

# “What can I say? Kids love me.”
“Truly, you do seem to have left quite the impression on her,” ${enya} chuckles.

# “Was she hurt, when I…?”
“No, thank the heavens she was not,” ${enya} gives you a small smile.

# Quietly brush the hair from her eyes.
“That certainly is quite endearing,” ${enya} smiles.

“And thanks to you, there’s not a single scratch on her."

“That’s good,” you exhale.

“You seem to care very much for her” ${enya} observes… It isn’t surprising then, that she’s taken such a fondness for you.”

{e_he} chuckles as Idris lets out a sigh of content, as if in agreement to what {e_he} said.

You both watch as ger arm tightens around your chest, and her smile grows even wider even as she continues to slumber.

“Yes, quite the fondness for you indeed.”

If you didn't help Idris...

You watch {e_his} eyes flick down to {e_his} side. “The poor child’s exhausted.”

It’s a testament to how exhausted you feel that you did not notice it earlier, but when you blink glance down, you notice that {enya}’s arm is gently wrapped around a small girl who lies snuggled by {e_his} side. Black curls fall across her face, and she appears to be deep in sleep.

Idris.

# “She looks so peaceful.”
“She wasn’t so earlier on,” {enya} replies with a shake of {e_his} head. “Though I’m sorry to say that her distress was largely caused by your actions.”

# “Is she alright? Was she hurt?”
“No, thank the heavens she was not,” ${enya} blows out a breath. “Though I’m sorry to say that it was in no part thanks to you.”

# “I’m…sorry I handed her over.”
“Save that apology for her, not me,” ${enya} gives a small grimace. “Though I do appreciate the intent.”

“She was pretty mad at you. It took quite a while for us to calm down.” !{e_his} eyes flick to you. “She was quite… vocal about why, and I quote, ‘{mc_he} didn’t care about me so why should I care about {mc_him}?” {enya} sighs softly. “It will be good for you to explain yourself, when she wakes. Seeing that both of you will be seeing much of each other in times to come.”

“More of each other?” you echo.

{enya} nods. “You both will have to stay with us for the foreseeable future, at least until the current predicament is resolved. As for why….” {e_he} takes a deep breath. “We’ll wait for the others to arrive before we discuss that.”

Idris chooses that moment to shift her position. {enya} pauses {e_he} strokes her hair gently as ${e_he} speaks. Idris stirs and mumbles incoherently, but continues to slumber.

It is then you take the chance to take a close look at her appearance. Despite the serene look on her face, her innocent face bears lines of exhaustion, clear remnants of the trauma she endured just… what has it been? Hours? Days?

You tilt your head to glance at the sky outside. It’s painted a soft blue, hints of crimson just beneath the gilt that peaks out from the horizon.

It’s almost dawn.

Christ, how long have you been here? It shouldn’t have been that long, right? Your wounds still throb slightly, thought a part of you is surprised that the pain isn’t as bad it should have been. Noticing your expression, {enya} tilts {e_his} head to the side and gazes at you in concern. “Are you alright, “${firstname}? How are you feeling?”

*choice
#“I’ve been better”.
#“Terrible. Utterly, terrible.”
#“Like I could crawl into bed and sleep for eternity.”
#“Wonderful, with a lovely ${e_man} beside me.”
#“Not too bad, considering the circumstances.”
#“Awful.” Groan exaggeratedly and clutch your chest. “It hurts so bad!”

When Idris wakes...

“What’s goin’ on?” a sleepy voice pipes up suddenly, cutting off the conversation. All heads turn to the child that lies by @{sleepposition {enya}’s|your} side, as she slowly pushes herself of @{sleepposition {e_him}|you} with a loud yawn and a tired rub of her eyes.

If you helped Idris...

When she catches sight of your open eyes, she gives a delighted squeal. Reaching out with both hands, she gently wraps her tiny arms around your waist.

“${firstname}! I was so worried!” she gushes, tears springing to her eyes once more as she hugs you as tightly as a child of her age is able. “I thought those bad men got you like they got to Mommy, ‘specially when you didn’t wake up after they hurt you! But then they came to save us, and then {enya} made all the pain go away, and then {e_he} said you’d wake soon but you didn’t and-”

“Dear child! Take a breath,” ${enya} chuckles, cutting Idris off from her ramble.

Idris blinks, her long lashes fluttering a few times, before she shyly disengages from you. “Sorry, ${firstname}. But I’m really glad you’re okay.”

${tiana} barks out a laugh. “Such a sweet little lady, isn’t she?”

“Quite,” {aeryn} replies, a suppressed smile on {a_her} face. “She really does have quite the personality.”

“Though she’s not wrong in feeling that way,” {lorraine} says, the briefest smile touching {l_his} lips before it vanishes all too soon.

If you didn't help Idris...

When her eyes catch you staring, her frown deepens, and you almost flinch when she snorts and glowers at you. Huffing, she flippantly turns away, her hair dramatically swiping her cheeks at the movement. “Mamma said you’d help but you didn’t!” she pouts. “I hate you!"

Then, she catches {enya}’s stern gaze. "Remember what I told you about being nice, Idris?" {e_he} says gently.

Idris nods, biting her lip before giving you a neutral look. “Uhm, {firstname}? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude.” Then, she turns to look at {enya}. “${enya}? If I apologise even when I don’t mean it at all, it’s still called being nice, right?”

“Ha!” ${tiana} barks out a surprised laugh. “Smart little lady, isn’t she?”

“Quite,” {aeryn} replies, a suppressed smile on {a_her} face. “She really has quite the personality.”

“Though she’s not wrong in feeling that way,” ${lorraine} says, sending a glare your way.


For those who have not read the demo and want a quick summary of events in Chapter 01

Miranda (the child’s mother):

HEY I JUST MET YOU
AND THIS IS CRAZY
BUT HERE’S MY KID SO
PROTECT HER FOR ME.

:upside_down_face:


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youre doing amazing so far !! :smiley: & you got this !! the dialogue in the demo is really really good + the little previews w E n Idris are :fire:

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how it going Cheion

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Slowly getting there! Unfortunately I haven’t written much in recent days as I’ve just had some recent health stuff to deal with. Gonna settle that first as it’s causing me quite a bit of worry.

Thanks for keeping the interest and happy New year in advance! :slight_smile:

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I’ve had a lot of health scares in the past few weeks too, hang in there! It’s a real production killer for sure.

Good luck and happy New Year!

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It totally is! I’m just hoping everything is going to be fine :pray:

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hope you good heath man

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what got you to make keeper of fairfort

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