Hello! 
I’ve just done a playthrough of this, and will be reading through the code and giving feedback in installments as I go through. You can blame thank @ParrotWatcher for me checking this out, by the way 
So this was quite fun. I’m quite taken with, well, several of the characters… I like most of them, especially Kol (
). I ended up with a dragon character (dragons are fun 
), though I do also rather like the idea of a regular human, so I may try for that coming up.
It’s pretty much mandatory for me to talk about cute guys in all my posts, so… well, I was taken with Kol as soon as he said “‘And this one’s Leon,’ says Kol. ‘He’ll be nicer once we get to know him, I’m sure.’”
Such a sweetie
But I also enjoy how he’s not just “bland generic nice guy” inasmuch as he also keeps a sense of humor about him, gets some little characterizing stuff with wanting his sleep, and is just so generally in earnest all the time. Okay, there was one conversation where he was a little on edge, so I’m potentially worried about what might be going on here, but… we’ll see…
(I’m also curious about the shifter thing 
and am I seeing him in his definite default form, or can he even shift how he appears as a human at all? Interesting possibilities… [
])
Altair’s probably the next cutest he was also the only age-appropriate guy I met for quite a while, so there is that 
but yeah, I am thinking it would be fun to try romancing him with a nephillim, because /
is a fun dynamic. I didn’t see much of Yakov, but if I make a regular human character, maybe I’ll send him that way
Platonically speaking, I enjoy Thalia banter, and Astrid is, well, generally amusing, anyway
Aside from all that, I really enjoy the magic stuff 
I’m really excited about these classes, even just from the descriptions, especially ritual magic and magic theory. I want to become a magic theorist 
Grammatically, I was sorta wondering about “magi” being a singular term? 
I guess that’s at least more gender-neutral than “magus” or “maga” but it did cause me a few double-takes.
Okay, on to the specifics! First two chapters, so far.
general comments
(first chapter)
#We’ve just met, so I haven’t decided on my opinion of her yet.
(This was in reference to Astrid.) We get this option if you have more negative feelings about the magic world. I wonder, why not include this option if you have positive feelings as well? There aren’t as many options under the positive ones, and it’s an eminently reasonable way to feel about Astrid at that early point, either way.
And yeah, I’m going for a general attitude where my character is interested in the new magic world, but still really overwhelmed and missing all the stuff left back at home (family, previous life, etc.) so very mixed feelings…
Also, hearing “Any injuries gained in the simulation will feel realistic, but will not carry into the real world” is extremely not reassuring 
(second chapter)
I was wondering why you have it random whether you meet Cyrus or Cressida? I mean, not that it’s of huge plot importance, but it generally feels weird to me when I can’t quite replicate a playthrough I did for reasons of randomness rather than my own choice.
I really love getting to choose “I have a terrible sense of direction.” I have no idea if this will ever give even the slightest advantage, but it accurately describes my real life self and it will be so fun to be able to play a character who’s the same way. Wandering into the lake, here I come 
I got really excited seeing all these magic classes you have no idea how excited Especially ritual magic, which I would rather like to take in real life, although the group work portion is a bit offputting 
I did however find myself really wondering what GMGU and RTMU stood for when I was trying to choose I couldn’t tell if I’d be into taking more GMGU or more RTMU.
Relatedly, telekinesis can’t quite be a prerequisite for all other GMGU classes. Artifacts is a GMGU class, and has no prereqs.
Bear in mind, that any information I tell you is only based on their school records and forms they filled out when applying to Magi."
So, none of that information is confidential? I mean, I understand wanting us to see it from a narrative standpoint, but it sort of surprised me that he can just outright give me all this personal info.
“Yakov is a wraith, a subcategory of demons distinct from cambions. He’s also a newcomer to NMC, originally from Europe.”
I see you’re planning on expanding this anyway, but specifically, “Europe” is a bit vague… wouldn’t someone be likelier to refer to the country?
“So what do you need? Clothing? Office supplies? Textbooks? Potion supplies? Artifacts? Caffeine to get you through the day?”
This doesn’t indicate who’s speaking. I figured I must’ve jumped to Astrid’s tour, so she must be talking, but this is still a bit of a leap… just an indication of what the new scene is would help.
“You weren’t on the original dorm list,” he notes.
“Astrid kidnapped me.”
“Ah.”
I enjoyed this bit of dialog… I like how nonchalant he is about it. It’s funny
When talking with Astrid about what classes she might like, I was wondering about being able to express if there’s a class that I’m particularly excited about maybe that’s too much extra writing, but it seemed potentially immersive.
And I’m sticking notes on proofreading and bugs under these arrow, to reduce clutter (again, just the first two chapters):
Proofreading Notes Under Here
(chapter one)
That had been the one slashed at with claws that made quick work of your flesh, and then had then bent unnaturally the second time you’d crashed into a tree.
Something’s not quite right where the second “then” is. I’m not sure if you meant “been” or if this was supposed to be something else entirely.
“It’s fine Astrid, and no, Pierce didn’t try to turn me into a gargoyle.”
There ought to be a comma before “Astrid,” since it’s speaking to her, rather than about her.
Your feelings towards the girl aside, she’d nonetheless lead you to the realization that your whole life has been a lie.
This should be “led,” not “lead.” Confusingly, “lead” is the present tense of that verb, and “led” is the past tense, despite being pronounced the same as the metal. What can I say, English is like that
You glance back, but the door has disappeared behind you, the entire wall uniform, except for a clear glass part near the top
This is missing a period at the end.
(chapter two)
Half a dozen clubs that you participated and another dozen that you lead,
This should also be “led.”
He glances down at his notes. “Would you rather take Artifacts or Battle Magic for class four?”
“Here are the course descriptions for each.” He passes you a sheet of paper.
Since this is the same person talking in both lines, you don’t need an end quote at the end of the first line. With the end quote, it looks like the person speaking switches.
He’s from the city thought, so he might be a good person to ask a tour from.
“thought” should be “though.”
"Let’s go checkout.
As a verb, this should be two words: “check out.” (“Checkout” is correct for the location, though.)
“Who’s the new
*if heshe = “he”
dude?”
*if heshe = “she”
chic?"
This should be “chick.” Unless magi slang is different but “chic” is pronounced “sheek” and means “stlyish.”
“Hey, Astrid, have something for your friend here.”
Is this supposed to say “I have something for your friend here.”?
Catching your confused expression, she continues, “People in the same suites are usually put in the same classes, when possible, for practical reasons.”
"Working magic with people you’re closer to tends to have a positive impact on your performance.
This is another one where you don’t want an end quote at the end of the first line, because it’s the same person talking throughout.
“But they started it!” You protest.
“You” should be lowercase, because “you protest” is how you’re speaking, and therefore part of the same sentence, rather than a separate action.
“Did you have something you wanted to talk to me about though?”
There should be a comma before “though.”
“I’m taking that as recognition of my awesomeness and likability, and not as a sarcastic mark like you intended.”
Is “mark” supposed to be “remark”?
"I actually pity you $!{name}.
and
She beams. “Of course $!{name}!”
There should be a comma before the name, because it is a direct personal address.
[details=And Notes on Bugs Under Here]
*if roommate = “Astrid”
*set noastridspeak false
*if astridrelationship < 45
“So, which classes do we have together?”
Okay, so as far as I can see, the idea here is that, if you have a higher relationship with Astrid, she’ll have already told you what classes you have together. But this check doesn’t always work quite right, because it’s possible to have raised or lowered the relationship score in between those points. So I think you’d probably be better off setting and checking a *temp instead.
#“I don’t know anymore.”
*set sanity -3
Elsewhere, sanity is a % rather than a plain + or -. Is this intentionally different?
#Take a nap
*set sanity %+10
*set resistant +2
*set astridrelationship %-4
*set leonrelationship %-4
*set thaliarelationship %-6
*set kolrelationship %-4
*set kolrelationship %-8
*set curious %-10
So, I notice you reduce Kol twice. Was one of those supposed to be Yakov?
Are you going to tell the rest of your suitemates?
Every option under this raises logical. I’m not sure you want an automatic logic boost for everybody who gets here [/details]
Anyway, thanks for writing this! I’m very curious to learn more about the world and see what the characters will get up to 
though I also like how I get to spend Potions with two cute guys 
[quote=“idonotlikeusernames, post:2421, topic:12894”]