I cooked up a way longer version but I couldn’t get the code to work, I want it end being an empire conquering type thing. Its based on a book I made when I was younger + my average ck3 Viking playthroughs.
Give feedback. Pls
12 Likes
I have 2 suggestions:-
- Give some pre-made names for our MC which are related to the norse mythology, culture, language,etc., in all 3 forms of names, i.e., masculine names, feminine names and gender neutral names, from which the MC can choose a name.
Please make sure that the names are connected to norse mythology, language, culture and actually mean something in the story,and not some random names like James, john, etc.
- This one is vague and hard to articulate, and I don’t know how to correctly express it in a written format, but I will still try, listen bro/sis/friend, your story doesn’t have that flow which is intrinsically important for every written story or game, like your game is like stacking one stone over another, things are just happening, there is no natural flow of words, while in reality it should be like a river, smooth and continuous flow of words.
I honestly don’t know if I am able to perfectly express myself and how much of this you are understanding, but I am just gonna say this, your writing needs some polishing and you need to practice more on how to write in a smooth manner like a river and not like stacking one stone over another continuously, maybe you should read the works of other authors here to better understand and learn how to write in that flowing smooth manner and practice more on your writing.
To summarise the 2nd point:- You need to practice writing and polish your presentation skills and writing skills in writing, in written media like choice of games/hosted games or any other written media your writing needs to be good to attract readers, so improve your writing skills.
I am not a professional writer, so I can get away with crappy writing skills and terrible grammar in English,but since you, I presume, aspire to become an author, you need to work more on your writing skills.
The concept is very good, and I have always loved norse mythology, I am eager and excited to see where it will go in the future.
Best of luck.
10 Likes
Hi friend, of to a good start!
Like Crane said the content is fine, definetly liked it, hope to see it blossom, but the way the story is told is too “solid”and it doesn’t feel like it is all happening in a organic way.
Maybe that has a direct relation to phrasing and choice of words more than what you are writting about itself, so finding a way to tell the tale in a manner that you describe where and what is happening, set the tone needed for the scene, who is in it, what is the weight that comes with that and how that affects everything else while also making it seem like the characters are living, human, is the goal.
Personal feelings aside about a certain author that I once had a lot of respect for, he did gave pretty good tips about writting that I carried with me:
-Never drop a story, finish it. Even if it sucks so bad you want to set fire to it, finish it, read it as if you never heard anything about it, then write it again until you can be proud of it.
-If you are stuck in a particular part of the story, keep going, do another scene, develop another character, don’t chase perfection because eventually you will need to write something else, so dont get stuck.
-If someone tells you there is something wrong with it, they are probably right. But only you should come up with a answer for it. *
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Posting it here is great for the feedback, dont take anything said here personally and remember that maybe an outsider can spot things that you missed, so showing it to a trusted friend can also help a lot.*
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Wish you the best.
8 Likes
Also if could get the stats info settled even if its a simple info for a time would be a good idea cause when its clicked we get that whole endless loading message which is a pain lol. Yet still playing and looking forward to seeing how things progressed.
6 Likes
We gonna need a stat screen for this game asap. I’m liking the theme of the game, it’s fight system and the decision so far. It just needs the stat screen so I know what I should prioritize when making decisions.
Just to give some context, I work in data labeling and AI training as my day job.
The writing here feels like it might have been heavily assisted by AI. The sentence length and structure stay almost identical throughout, and the story seems to progress in a repeating pattern on almost every page.
Out of curiosity, I ran it through my work’s AI detection tool, which tagged it around 92% AI-generated.
If that’s wrong and this is all your work, then my apologies, ignore both the tool and me. But if you did use AI, I’d encourage you to try a draft written entirely by your hand. You’ve got a good story idea, and your own voice will always carry more life than an algorithm’s.
7 Likes
Now this is a very promising Viking game!
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I LOVE THIS.
Your writing skill itself is good, I can tell that if you wanted to you could put more descriptions and flesh out the scenes and it would read very well.
Right now, it’s early days and so of course the writing is going to be fast paced. But I see the vision in the gameplay.
EDIT: above, i accidentally replied to the wrong person lmao
2 Likes