How to Train Your Familiar (WIP)

Hosted Games Works In Progress
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I typed up a few thoughts here as I was going through the story…Each was typed as I was going along, so questions asked may have gotten answered farther along in the story. A few thoughts are just typos or grammar/spelling issues that I noticed.

[spoiler]“When the nurse if finally satisfied with your measurements” … The “if” should be “is.”

I wonder what Darkness is. And, why does “Bracing for Impact” increase Darkness?

“You yourself sit on the ground that is blanketed in snow” … You yourself? That…doesn’t make a lot of sense in American English… Also, on the same page, how is a voice “more silvery” than another voice? Either issue could probably have been ignored on their own, but together they left me re-reading the page because I was distracted by the wording and forgot to remember the content of the page. :sweat_smile:

“one thing you can certainly testify to is the long, wild hair that cascades down her back and whips around like fire as she moves” … “can certainly testify to” is an odd way to phrase that.

“They appear to be fighting, at least, that’s what your recent encounter with the creature has led you to believe.”
That’s a comma splice. Consider making this two sentences or use a semi-colon.

“She strikes the creature multiple times, each time the creature resists and attempts to retaliate, but the girl always seems to be just out of reach.” Also a comma splice.

As the red-head finishes the purple creature, I have to wonder…how did I get to the forest unhurt. And, if I am unhurt, why am I considering purple creature a “great threat to my life.” I guess he is absolutely a kidnapper, but still…she straight up murdered that guy. Why should I trust her? Also…purple people eater? Heh heh heh…

After asking the girl “What are you?” I get a page telling me she’s a witch. Then, when I try moving on, I get the error “prologue line 552: bad label seconquestion.” That is how my playthrough ended. Too bad, really.[/spoiler]

EDIT: Tried a second time through, and noticed that no matter how you react to the purple thing, your Darkness increases. Why have a change there at all if the Darkness increases regardless? Is it a different amount dependent on your choice? Just seems odd.

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Didn’t get around to making a post the other day, but I did look into the stats and fixed the problem! I’ve also scrapped the scene where you ask Elizabeth questions because they were rather pointless. :sweat_smile:

I plan to! One of the main reasons why I want to edit the prologue is so I can include more choices and consequences to those choices.

Is it a bad thing that those expectations weren’t met? Lanval talks no matter what, but do you think there should’ve been a smoother transition into the MC figuring that out like seeing a name tag or something?

For your familiars, I want to give the illusion that the MC didn’t have a choice in what their familiar is, but I still want to allow the player a choice in the matter. Nothing is set in stone quite yet, but I’m thinking of something along the lines of the MC discussing the topic with Elizabeth, and Eliza lists a series of animals that are usually weird or uncommon. The player gets to pick from that list and that is what will become your MC’s familiar.

And I’m going to include opposing personality stats, it’s pretty much decided at this point that none of the current stats are going to stay that way. I think you are right in that opposing stats are better suited for personality stats, so I wouldn’t expect to still see Strength/Agility when I finally get onto chapter one.

Thank you! I looked at what you read and fixed some of the issues.

In regards to you being unscathed, it isn’t really addressed because it’s meant to be unexplained for the time being. I’m including an ‘explanation’ scene in the beginning of chapter one. As for Elizabeth, you don’t have to trust her. I’m going to include more options for the MC to have varying reactions to everything in the prologue.

Your Darkness growth is independent of whether you chose to defend yourself or not. It increases no matter what choice you made. It is further explained in chapter one, but I’ll still explain the gist of it below.

[spoiler]Your darkness increased along with your magic ability. It’s kind of like a backlash for not keeping your powers in check when using them. When the MC is attacked, it sort of ‘activated’ their powers and thus a bit of darkness along with it. This will essentially be the only time where your darkness increases despite your choices. At any other point in the game, you can avoid a darkness increase. You will also be provided with opportunities to decrease your darkness.

The only reason I increased the player’s darkness is so that it can be introduced, explained, and taken care of later on. I hope that makes sense?[/spoiler]

Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed what I have so far. :blush:

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Actually being answered while I search could be funny.

The MC could be asked what their favorite animal from the conversation is and they think it’s just small talk instead of some life changing decision.

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Okay! So, I’ve been mulling over possible choices for familiars which I’ve included in the poll below. I want to make each familiar have it’s own personality rather than just plugging in various animals into each scene, so the top 5 choices will be included in the game.

If none of these seem right to you, I’m still open for suggestions! This is just to get a general idea of what people like based on what I have so far. I’ll include a second and final poll before I actually write in the familiars.

  • Crow
  • Frog
  • Weasel
  • Dragon (Small)
  • Bat
  • Fox
  • Duck
  • Mouse
  • Rat
  • Parrot

0 voters

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A rabbit or dog might be nice…

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I originally wanted the MC’s familiar to be something different from the norm (i.e. dogs and cats), but I’m certainly open to reconsideration if that option is popular enough! I’ll include those in the next poll. Thanks!

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Crow sound cool😎
have flashback about itachi

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:slight_smile: 'Tis just a normal crow with a totally normal eye.

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There’s a dragon on the list… of course everyone and their grandma is going to vote for it. Not that its a bad choice but I’ve played so many WIPs involving dragons lately that I’m kinda itching for some variety… luckily the game is going to have at least 5 familiars. :stuck_out_tongue:

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I can understand where you’re coming from, dragons are exceedingly popular as of late! I hope to counteract that by focusing more on each familiar’s personality and relationship with the MC.

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…which wasn’t taken from a dead, hot gay’s eyesocket. promise.

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While dogs being overdone is technically true isn’t it usually the small and sleek ones?

Can we get something bigger?

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This looks like a good start. I did notice a few typos here and there, mostly related to sentence-combining, e.g.:

“Follow me.” Lanval instructs, you do not hesitate to oblige the furry creature.

The sentences should ideally be split as follows:

“Follow me,” Lanval instructs. You do not hesitate to oblige the furry creature.

(Also, while technically “oblige” can fit here, it does feel a little odd.)

Also this is, what, the fourth WIP where I’ve been saved from my first supernatural encounter by a girl? I have nothing against the trope, but… when am I going to get saved by a cute guy?

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oookkkay, weirdo questiono here, but takes deep breath and brandishes shield can you Romance the familiar?! dies

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Depending on what the familiar is, that could be really awkward. I mean…what if the familiar turns out to be a portion of your own psyche/soul? That is a very weird type of self-love…

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MINE! My familiar, you no get. I got my eye on you, snake charmer dragon you…

Still counts though, though that raises questions about cloning…

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“I love me! I want to hug myself when there’s no one to hug me! And I do care me!”:kissing_closed_eyes::two_hearts:

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0.0’‘’ (oh please, as if I am THAT, which I am not and you know what I mean)
it just a genuine question as I didn’t know is it was a part of your soul or not…

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Ah… :sob: Sorry everyone, exams and work have kept me away from practically everything the past week. If it helps, I’ve mostly been writing/plannning chapter one in a little notebook so technically progress has still been made!

I’m afraid not… :sweat_smile: Your familiar is supposed to be small.

Thanks! I’ve gone in and fixed those for the next update.

At this point you can’t, but I will certainly consider adding them as a RO if the idea is well received by everyone else.

Granted… your familiar probably wouldn’t stay an animal if this actually happens because romancing an animal is probably crossing a line :sweat_smile:

Your familiar isn’t a part of your soul, but you’re pretty darn close! They’re like an additional part that more easily understands you than other people. This can be an advantage if your relationship is good with them, or a setback if you have a poor relationship with them.

:slight_smile: Well, I mean, there’s an upcoming character/RO that can technically be a ‘clone’ as they are able to shape shift.

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thank you, should this be a poll? coz I will build one in that case.