Highway Marshall


#1

Hi Everybody,

For the last few months I’ve been working on and off on a new project, which I have (provisionally) titled “Highway Marshall” (I’m very bad at choosing titles…).

Anyway, the premise is that the MC is a Highway Marshall, some sort of policemen/mercenary in a “Mad Max” type future of walled city states and barbaric deserts. You must recruit a small group and drive through a desolate Spanish landscape to find a kidnapped engineer, before he is sold into slavery.

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/15954994/Highway%20Marshall/web/mygame/index.html

Basically I’ve written most of the game by now, or at least a basic skeleton, though only the first half is more or less ready for testing (an average play through is about 7000 words (about 20,000-30,000 words, including code) roughly half of what I have done so far, but the other half still needs much polishing).

I’m looking for all sorts of comments, including continuity errors (can you find any changes in character gender?), typos (those who have read my stuff before know that I can be very absent minded while writing…), and any suggestion that you may have. I don’t take offence at any constructive criticism, though if you find any errors I would appreciate if you could copy-paste the sentence to make it easier for me to find the problem. Basically, any feedback would be greatly appreciated!

Otherwise, hope you enjoy!


#2

Hey neat game, I was really getting into it. Found a couple of mistakes:

Seconds later Bernard appears from one of the side streets, his red shirt clearly setting him aside from the other people in the street. “{turret_salute1}, how’re you doing? Shall we get moving?”

Looking at the punctured wheel, Joaquin shrugs his shoulders, and starts to take out the wheel change kit. “{navigator_salute1}, don’t worry, it won’t take a second to change
this”

Maybe you forgot the $ in those?

Also, I might suggest making a part where the player can check their name and redo it if they typed it wrong because I typed the wrong thing and couldn’t change it. :slight_smile:

In all, though, it was pretty fun! I hope you keep working on it!


#3

Thanks so much for pointing out those. I’m surprised I didn’t find those mistakes in my own checks, but it just goes to show how absent minded I can be at times… anyway corrected them and added an option to re-type the name.

I am actually still working on it (which is why I did these so quickly, my hope was to try to have the first complete draft finished before the competition next month, though doubt I will manage…)


#4

Premise and title are both promising.

Feedback:

These types of games are fun but it is hard to be flexible in your combat - just seemed some combat encounters were short.

I like the beginning compound - perhaps you can write additional places to visit. An example would be instead of having an arms dealer in the bar, have him at his own place, then you can do the same for the gambling, etc.

I like the roadside encounters but again they seem short and not as many options as I’d hope.

One thing… I know nothing about Spain, so maybe a roadmap could be included so I can look at it. Put it in your stats page, as an option to go to it if i wish to see it.

Related - measurements should be made a bit more clear -especially speed and fuel capacity and ammo if those become important as you continue your story.

Traveling in America on the road system is different than in Spain; when you say “carriage road” it seems you mean something like our local state roads here; might want to consider describing the particulars a little better.

Some spelling errors but I’m sure an editor will help you on the low level stuff like that. Some weird translation twists but you can worry about those once you get the main content done. As a non-native English speaker, you did well.

Hope this helps.


#5

Hm, I’m playing a male character who took on Raquel and Marta, and they both are calling me Ma’am.

So… I ran into that ambush on the road and am told it’s an ambush and the ambushers are probably hidden behind the car… but then my only options are to either get out and walk while the presumed bandits have the car between them and my machine gun, or drive past and ignore it… Why can’t I drive past the car and shoot the bandits from the side where they don’t have cover and we’re less likely to kill the woman?

After playing further is seems Felipe calls a male main character Ma’am as well.

Is there any situation in the demo where your hand to hand combat skills come into play?

This may be completely outside the theme of this game, but throughout all of these post apocalyptic road warrior type settings I always that it’d be fascinating to have a chance to interact with some bandit character in some way other than violence. I dunno. It’s just, we always have all these really interesting looking characters running around trying to kill us, but that’s all they ever are there for and it’s kinda disappointing I guess.

Just as an example, like, how would the situation have played out if you’d snuck up on the bandit woman in the tent and disarmed her before she woke up? Well, I admit that I just really like non-lethal options, which doesn’t really seem to fit the theme of this game.


#6

@Zolataya, thanks so much for the feedback. Actually adding extra locations in Zamora is a good idea (especially if you were enjoying that part). I will indeed divide those locations, and this morning I was thinking of how to expand this side of the story a bit (started to play with some ideas inside my head…). Regarding the roadmap, I had actually started working on it (my other WIP also had a map, as I realized otherwise people got confused), but I couldn’t quite get the feel I wanted from it yet (I was experimenting with different types, etc). Anyway, I hope to eventually sort that out. Otherwise, will also add a few more options to the combat encounter (I was worried they were too long, but maybe you just got through them in the best possible way? I’m wondering now if the game so far is too easy…)

@Shoelip, thanks for pointing those out. It seems that it was all down to one letter being in capitals or not (I’m amazed I didn’t pick on that myself, just goes to show once again how absent minded I can be…). Anyway I sorted that out quickly. So far in the demo I think there is no instance of hand to hand fight. Otherwise, great suggestions also on those extra possibilities. At the moment I’m trying to work on the middle section of the game, but will try to come back in a day or two and add them. Any other suggestions on other choices that you would like to see implemented are greatly appreciated!


#7

Apparently gunners are made of AEIOU and sometimes Y. XD

[spoiler]You continue to make progress along the A-62 motorway, while your mind wanders back to the memory of Paolo and how he died. Judy must be thinking the same thing as you, and you feel the sadness in her voice. “John, I still remember the explosion of that mine, with the legs and vowels scattered around the road”. You mind goes back to the time you recruited him for this mission, and his long blonde hair and green t-shirt under the morning sun as you left Zamora.

Vowels instead of… um… Bowels I guess?

Also, I noticed something curious which may be intentional, but may be a mistake. If you pay beggars they tell you that the bandits went down one road, but if you go down that road you don’t meet any bandits. If you go down the other road however you run into the tents with that sleeping woman. Dunno if they’re supposed to be setting a trap for you or something.[/spoiler]

As for other suggestions: Are you planning to add any sort of romantic plot to the story at all? Those always seem to go over well with people. Well, I’ll try to think of some more that are actually related to existing situations in the game.


#8

Hahaha that’s indeed a funny mistake, will correct it in next round, and check about the beggars.

And yes, basically I’ve been writing about how to romance the navigator, plus I’m considering a couple of other options before leaving Zamora (though haven’t started on that yet). Basically I’m almost finished writing the main skeleton of the game (I’d say about 70-80% finished, the part playable now should be about 1/3 of the final main skeleton), but I need to test it myself a bit before I feel comfortable showing it…


#9

Huh… how would those options before leaving Zamora work out? I mean, aren’t you leaving?