Gray Eyes of Death (Working title: Gray Death) - Public Beta Test - Closed - Updated: 16/09/21

If it would help, in regards to Kaelyn’s comments, you could even fit in choices through conversations. Like speaking with the principal in the beginning or with K in the house for example, nothing that would really change anything but just dialogue through choices if it’s OK with you. Character customization like hair and eye color or even height could help with flavor text opportunities as well, again if you want to that is.

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Amazing.:star_struck: simply amazing. Reminds me of the Zombie Exodus game & Doomsday on Demand, only better.:+1::+1::+1: There are grammatical and spelling errors throughout, but still a great game & story. :heart:Luv​:heart: the happy endings​:heart_eyes:. Great time consumer that made me want to restart & keep playing for hours. :heart_eyes:Killian is def the best friend there is! Amazing Job

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@Myst


My character is a female…
It was mis gendered and used wrong pronouns lots of times…
Also sometimes you did things like it’s’s

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When your classmate is telling the cannibal story, it seems like they’re always referred to as “newsman” or “news guy” regardless of gender.

Grey

“a sigh” is what that’s supposed to be, I think.

Screenshot 2021-08-26 004913

I think you meant to type “fraction”, not “fracture”.

you typed "the’ instead of “then”.

“Overturned”

Screenshot 2021-08-26 010709

Should be more like “Is it on fire? Do you think they’re ok?”

Smoke should be singular.

“For lack of a better word”.
Not a grammar error but the expression is “wreaking havoc” not “causing havoc”.
“Far worse dangers” or some such.

“number of trips”

“Later” not “late”.

either “in your drawer” or “on your desk”.

Screenshot 2021-08-26 012458

*some

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I feel like we should have the option to do that. Seems like something that should be in the player’s hands.

*one and a half weeks

Screenshot 2021-08-26 014040

*Lacking, not Lack of.

no need for the “have”.

Also, did the principal ditch us or die?

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Played a bit more of the game. Loving what you have so far! Looking foward to the finished product.

Tried keeping the gun this time. Kaia’s reaction indicated that the principal was trying to extort us by taking the gun, but I thought he was just asking for it. Is the principal not meant to be trusted?

I have a few screenshots where I found some grammar issues, I hope They help.

Screenshot 2021-08-27 205215
Missing quotation mark.


Wrong pronoun for Shannon in the first sentence.
Screenshot 2021-08-27 205645
Either “and clears his throat” or “to clear his throat”.

Did she hug us or just put an arm around our shoulder? If it’s the latter, it should be “arm”.

“I surely won’t write in it” would work better Imo.
Screenshot 2021-08-27 210400
“he wouldn’t come back.” Also, “as well” sounds a bit formal, I’d recommend using “too” for casual conversation.

First sentence sounds a bit off, “is” should be “was”. “Small and bad compared to the other one” isn’t generally how one usually compares something to something better. Usually it’s something like “smaller than the other one and [insert something worse about the theater in comparison].”
“The less clue you have” doesn’t work grammatically. Something like “the less certain” might work better.

Did he storm off in anger? I think he was happy I gave him the gun.
The diary entries seem to have a few grammatical errors too, might want to revise later.

Usually you say “wakey” twice.
Not sure what “check it” means.
“Give a moment” should be 'give me a moment".


Hope you can read the annotations. Not used to the screenshot writing.

This should be broken up into new sentences.


“I’ll not” sounds a bit antiquated, “I won’t” is a bit more natural sounding. Doesn’t sound as cool though.
There should be a quotation mark after “I can’t let you kill her.”


Ever again is said twice here.

Also, why does ben immediately shoot one of the people he’s robbing? And why do we have to help him? My character would’ve shot him as soon as he did that.
Screenshot 2021-08-27 223230


“Just the thing we needed” not “think”.





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Processing: Screenshot 2021-08-27 230415.png…

Screenshot 2021-08-27 214504
These people are awful. Holy shit.

Another thought I had. I think we should have some more opportunities to actually kill the zombies. In the scene above, for example, there’s a charred zombie who can barely move, you’d think it’d make sense to kill it. It’s vulnerable and you could easily find a pieced of debris o something to finish it off. It’s in every survivor’s best interest to kill as many zombies as possible since each zombie dead means fewer people bitten, so each kill has an exponential effect. As a rule I think you should only pass on a chance to kill a zombie if they outnumber you. Lone zombies should be killed immediately.

Also, why do we need to agree to escape? I don’t think it’s a good idea.

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It’s a SPOILER

He’s actually a bad guy, he’s one of the worst in the story, he’ll even break the team apart and keep them all away from each other cause they all survived far more dangerous situations with each other.

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Glad I kept the gun then.

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That dastard kinda holds grudge on your MC for not letting him take the gun…

And also a simple tip with major spoilers if ya wanna save the li’l girl Angel be harsh towards her from the prison entrance scene with the zom zom under the bus… By harsh I mean ake her kill zom zoms, else she’ll die and your MC will be slightly traumatised… Even though it looks like you’re loosing relationship points with her they’ll increase a lot after she’s safe…

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Also I got to five out of nine endings…I think.

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Took me a good minute to figure out what “zom zom” meant.

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Is there any way to stop ben from killing that family? Besides letting him die, I mean. If we let him die, can someone else teach us how to shoot?

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Not completely BUT leave the pibk bag with the mother and daughter and the eye patch pirate guy and another girl will help you later when running away with Angel from school and also if you jump for the antibiotics bag and get hurt you’ll get two packs of antibiotics and a disinfectant which you can give to Dayton and you don’t even have to cut his arm cause he’ll loose consciousness either way and the scientists will experiment on him (and the gang) either way but lol him having both hands helps a bit…
Also you’ll meet somewhat friendly Ben and Eva if you didn’t let Ben die and somewhat hostile Eva if you did let him die.

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Not quite as much feedback today, only got a bit further. I might be back later though.

Anyone know how to raise Kaia’s relationship with you? It still says “Okay with you” after a fair amount of time.

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You either have to agree with her a lot or shouldn’t stop her when she wanna do stuff… Like eating snacks without taking 'em to Dayton and the new friend… (shorty). I shouldn’t agree with or take shorty side likely ever cause they take away a chunk of points. I got adore with Kaia and Angel and [next one] thinks highly or something with Dayton and shorty with endures you…

But I got the choice to kiss both best friend and new friend.

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Guess I’m not as far in as I thought. We just left the mall.

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How do you save K and yourself? :c

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You can either convince most peeps to support the rebellion, kill the bastard, distraction, escape back into the lab with K (likely chosen RO and Angel if you have saved her and have good relationship and if you promise o take her with you) but you’ll run out of supplies underground and the future is bleak…

OR…

You have to have good relationship with K and tell them that you’re ready to escape/run away with them, take Angel with you if you saved her and have good relationship and promised to take her away with you… You two or three run and fight and hide in a snowy scene of a cabin and fight to the exhaustion and build defences, learn to hunt and live isolated and you’ll get a hermit route
Enjoy and Have Fun.

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Hmm, interesting point! When a similar thought rose during my time with the story I’ve tried to give back the immersion that a young MC and their friend(s), especially a certain friend could not adapt to the situation super quickly and kill creatures senselessly, especially having no previous experience with violence, be it human or the dead.

Though, I think as the story progresses and they get used to the new world they do fight back more frequently and more effectively. That was one part that I wanted the character arch to reflect. I hope it was successful :slightly_smiling_face:

@Anabelle_Parsons Please DM me regarding this, K can stand for a few characters depending on the path you take :slightly_smiling_face:

@Kagerou_Dayz666 Every feedback helps! In addition to a few new dialogue choices to help with the flow of the story, I’ll also deepen character customisation.

Thank you for the feedback! :slightly_smiling_face:

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The immersion thing a fair point, but a) we can kill the first zombie we see, and b) I feel like we should have some agency in regards to how willing we are to kill the undead.

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