Sniper rifle+Rico = Best character ever created (even before Wraith )
Whoâs the new girl? I liked her.
I have to ask, is she a RO?
Youâll have to step on my dead body before!
Why? (20 characters)
The sniper? Sheâs called Ricochet, a vicious outlaw
No! Rico is mineâŚall mine⌠my pweshoush!
nah, seriously, though. Wraithâll kill @Snowpanther, for reasons unknown.
Perhaps because she can maybe ricochet her bullets off walls? Just a thought
@Wraith an error for you: Chapter 2 line 393: bad label grave
Love the update! Here are some errors I noticed in spelling/grammar:
Frowning, you counter with, âAnd why exactly should I give out any information to one of Kalatholâs vigilante? I hope you are aware that the two of us are not really peachy to each other.â
Should be âone of Kalatholâs vigilantes.â
âHawk, age estimated 19 or 20. Real persona unknown, origin unknown. A blank slate at this moment,â she almost pouts before letting out a sigh at this, either annoyed or displeased that she doesnât know more. âSo, what can I do for you or should I assume that this will end in a fight any given moment?â
I think this would flow better with a comma after âwhat can I do for youâ.
On this same page there is a dialog choice that says âThis surely is handy.â I think it would sound better if you changed it to âThat sure sounds handy.â
âIf you ask me, they are sure coming in handy,â you say, and Vine looks at you with her cold eyes. Yellow sure is unusual, if not an interesting colour. âI mean, if they tell you everything you need to know, then that surely is helpful.â
Should be âIf you ask me, they sure seem handy.â While the sentence you have can be used while speaking, it is a bit awkward to read.
Stray just answers with a wider smirk. âWhat a shame. It was amusing to have you chase me around for almost half an hour futility. Besides,â The man tilts his head a bit in your direction. âThanks for not ratting me out to the cops when you had the chance.â
Should be âIt was amusing to have you chase me around for almost half an hour in futility.â
âYes, how nice indeed,â he says with a chuckle, and you donât even need to turn around to see him smirking. Strayâs obviously enjoying this more than you. âShouldnât an outlaw like you run away from me? Given that I am not one of the nicest persons of this area?â you ask after a moment.
Should be âGiven that I am not one of the nicest people in this area.â
Stray responds with âShould I?â and a raised brow. âYou donât seem to make a rather dangerous impression right now with all the small-talk. On top of it, you doesnât look like you want to harm me, so sue me for staying. Though, if you want, you can always chase me down the alleys again.â
Should be âOn top of that, you donât look like you want to harm me, so sue me for staying.â
âThe connection of those two?â Stray turns to you, leaning with his hip on the other end of the metal construction. âVictoria always thought that the dead could be raised with the right treatment and formula. I think that she just feigned her death to continue her project.â
Should be âThe connection between those two?â
Thatâs all I got time for right now, but I will let you know if I find more errors later!
Thank you for those! I will fix them, and then upload the fixed version ^^
@Urban
If a name is bad or not is not for you to decide. Just because it reminds you of something, doesnât mean that it reminds others of it as well. It may be your opinion, which I canât change of course, but it surely sounds rather mean if you just tell someone their character is having a bad name.
Also, you need to figure it out yourself if sheâs an RO or not.
Hey I was kidding, sorry if I offended you.
Iâm feeling really bad now, if there is a way for me to make up for my bad joke, please tell me
@Wraith There go my dreams of actually getting some writing done on my day off (You are truly an evil mastermind.) Oh well. Iâm off to read the update. Toodles.
@Wraith I have more error to you (really sorry for what I did )
choicescript_stats line 42: Non-existent variable âcrowtextâ
Some typos.
âApparently the our football championsâ
No the
Of course you would find this activities
Should be these?
Not sure on this next one
Obviously not letting the pancakes
Should be let I think
As you were private tutored
Should be privately again not sure sorry if Iâm wrong with any of these
instead of just five days the whole stuff.
This part of the sentence sounds odd to me.
some training utensils propped of to your right
Should be propped up I think
Lucian insisted on those things, where Nathaniel sometimes just grumbles
Should continue on in past tense and be grumbled
and Nathaniel didnât made it any easier
make
Thatâs it for now
Oh my Glob! You made Raven a name choice! I live it so much! Thank you @Wraith!
Edit: And Volt too! This is awesome!
Ah, there is no feeling like coming home from work to see that this WIP updated. And even better! With more Stray!!! I can almost hear Crow eating their feathers because their surrogate son is a) not dead and b) infatuated with Stray. Of all people. Anyway, a great update, as always !! Thank you !
Patting the dog affectionally in chapter 2
->Chapter2 line 588: bad label grave
Hello! This update has a lot of Stray
heâs my favorite, I love him!! But I got âChapter2 line 393: bad label graveâ when I chose to thank specter.
i think thereâs a bug that makes every hair color the same as yours. i got everyone having black hair.
When Vine asks questions about who is an outlaw in the town and you answer your own name she just acts confused and has no idea who it is. I think there should be at least some kind of response to that. The answer is correct since she didnât exactly say anything about mentioning yourself.