Fate and Seasons (WIP)

[C.A.M]

You always dreamed of adventure. So you leave home, despite your father’s wishes, embarking on what you hope is a fruitful journey. Despite your best efforts however, it seems as though fate had other plans. Down on your luck, with no money and nothing to your name, you sit around in a pub waiting for the new year, contemplating on your next move.

But then a mysterious letter arrives. A letter informing you of a piece of land that you inherited in a small town known as ‘Leaf Town’. What will you find in this strange town? A new start? New friends? Rivals? Romance?

They say the sun shines brighter over Leaf town, but you will soon discover that where there’s light, there is shadow.

Hello everyone! My friend and I have begun working on our first game for about a few weeks, but now we feel its time to show it off for some feedback. Its a more story driven than it is a game, and stats haven’t been implemented yet as I’m still figuring out the coding . We are not the best writers, in fact we have never done anything like this before, so any feedback will be helpful.

Feedback like:

• Bugs

• Spelling and Continuity errors

• Pacing

• Characters that are suddenly out of character ETC.

I’m also open to suggestions. Whether they be a certain feature that you believe should be added, scenes, stats and such.

Romance

The game will feature 6 romances, two of them you will meet in chapter one. They are:
MALES

• Barrett Wayford: A ranch boy. Loves Animals. Romanced by female MC.
• Aden : A hunter. No family name. Romanced by female MC.
• Fox: A young mage. Wont tell anyone his name. Romanced by female/male MC.

FEMALES

• Hannah Griffin: Bakes cakes. Wants to own a cake shop. Romanced by Male MC
• Arryn Hendrix: Elf girl who always has her nose in a book. Very Rich. Romanced by Male MC
• Nyx: An insect girl. probably doesn’t like you much. Romance by Female/male MC

The demo is currently one chapter.
To play the demo, go here: https://dashingdon.com/go/5107

I hope you enjoy!

[Marshmallow]

I instantly thought of Harvest Moon, Animal Crossing, and Stardew Valley when I read the premise haha. Though it’s probably more like Rune Factory now that I think about it…with the fantasy and all. I love it! Will go for Fox because…magic and magic makes everything better.

Hmm… So thoughts on the demo.

• None of the pesky bugs! So all good on that end!
• Pacing wise I thought it was fine!
• I’d recommend reading through what you wrote again. I saw typos and words that aren’t capitalized when it should or vice versa. I think I spotted a few tense issues too?
• I know it’s the prologue and you don’t have a lot of experience, but for the lack of a better word it felt…very railroaded(?) at the beginning (later in chapter one with/after the cloak scene it’s a lot better!). MC reacts to everything happening on their own a lot. Personally I’m a roleplayer with my MCs, so I don’t mind the ‘predefined MC with a set backstory and personality’ but I can see how this would turn off some people.

Er, that’s all from the top of my head at the moment…

I’m also curious if there’s a management + money earning side with the farm. But that’s just the inner stardew valley fanatic in me speaking ouch.

For coding related stuff, there’s a wiki that may help! Or you can ask the others on the forum (everyone’s really friendly!)

[Akm]

I liked the story so far,looking forward to the new chapters

[Bulk_Biceps]

This is really good. I like the story so far there are a few typos but nothing big. Keep up the good work @C.A.M .

[Daxterix]

Really enjoyed it, can’t wait for more!

Also, in my opinion, I think Lucy would make a great RO.

[C.A.M]

Yep you got all of that right. Harvest moon, animal crossing, and rune factory are all games that Inspired me to make this (I’m playing aws while writing this.) Also zelda and Dark cloud

Thanks for the feedback, I’ll try to make the game feel less rail roaded. And also make more options where you can choose how mc reacts to things.

As for the farming management. I’m still not sure. I had the mc character do a little farming management in the beginning, but coding was really confusing for it so I decided to make it more story driven and simple. But thanks for the wiki, that makes it much easier. Again this game is mostly story driven, so if I do add farming management, it won’t be big and expansive. Sorry!

Anyways thanks for reading and again thanks for the feedback!

[C.A.M]

Thank you! I’ll look into Lucy being a romance

[Bahamuht]

While not unbelievable, I don’t feel like the Mc would be this accepting about becoming a farmer after being actively against it for so long even if it’s to realize our dad’s dream. Maybe have us accept begrudginly or doing it in hopes of getting the money to hire a teacher so we can go back to adventuring.
As for the character we’ve met so far they’re fine, they’re what I’d expect from a peacefull village, I just don’t like how quickly/easily go along with them but that’s probably 'cause I’m too cynical.
Anything else was said by the first post; since this is your first time just take step by step, no need to rush.

[expectedoperator]

This was fun! I really like how the MC starts off as a bad adventurer despite their mother’s stories and living in a world with a guild. I enjoyed how time is taken to explore minor characters, like Geoffrey, and the dynamics between Lucy, Barrett, and Aden. I also enjoyed the differences when choosing what to drink and when choosing between the market and the train station, as the options helped show different aspects of the characters. I like Barrett the best so far and I’m curious as to what the cloak can do.

I do agree that the first chapter could use more choices to explore MC’s character more – like what’s something they keep on failing at while adventuring, or their initial thoughts on what to do with the farm, or their reactions to Lucy, Barrett, and Aden, or even if they answer the fairy when their name is called out. Related to that, MC automatically agreeing to the farm, taking the cloak, and going with Lucy and the others felt a bit forced/simply ways to move the plot along. It also lessens Roderick’s and the MC’s own words on them losing hope/feeling like a failure if they can so easily tell their story to Lucy and move on from trying to be an adventurer.

Grammar wise, I also noticed that sometimes it switches between tenses, like when we are introduced to Roderick Townsend:
When you think of an old wizard, Roderick Townsend fits the bill. He wore a long burgundy colored robe with a large matching pointy hat. He has snow white hair and a beard so long, it reached to his knees. He was very old and his eyes are cloudy and glazed over.
“fits” and “has” are present tense, while “wore” and “was” are past tense.

Dialogue is often missing a comma/other punctuation when the character first speaks:
“I got kicked out again, can’t blame them” you say as you rest your chin on your hands.
So this should be: “I got kicked out again, can’t blame them,” you say as you rest your chin on your hands.

Or where there should be a comma, there is a period:
“Look kid, I worked for the guild myself back when I was around your age, and not to brag, I was pretty good at it.” he said with a glint in his eyes.
The period after “it” should be a comma.

Also, common nouns usually shouldn’t be capitalized following the dialogue:
“You never told me this!” You said.
So this should be: “You never told me!” you said.

I’d check for other capitalization and punctuation errors as well.

@C.A.M

Again this game is mostly story driven, so if I do add farming management, it won’t be big and expansive.

I wouldn’t mind a simplified farming management, especially if you are taking inspiration from Dark Cloud and Harvest Moon. You even have a narrative/character reason for not exploring it too much – the MC outright states they dislike the daily life of farming, like picking tomatoes – but it could be fun to choose which fruits and vegetables to plant or what to buy first, etc.

Looking forward to the train ride and seeing the farm!

[C.A.M]

Thanks for reading! And thanks for the feedback everyone. It’s been really Helpful.

[Jahad]

I really enjoyed this wip so far, it was high quality and the characters were likable. More player choice would be nice but I feel like the story is still interesting regardless, keep up the good work!!

[RoninSho]

Really liked the characters in this one, I’m very excited to see where this story goes and the choices we’ll get to make! This is another WIP I’m going to be watching!

[Ferosify]

Loved what you have so far, the setup is intriguing and feels pretty fresh. Characters are well done. My bigggest issue is with the grammar.
Top tip: read what you wrote out loud and see if it flows well, if not then change it.
I’m realy curious about Penelope now but it doesn’t seem like we’ll see her again.
anyway incredible work!

[C.A.M]

Hello, guys just going to update you all on where we are at in the story. I’m sorry there have been no updates to the game yet. I’m currently in the middle of writing chapter 2 and I have decided to add more things to chapter 1.

My friend and I have been sitting down and brainstorming on what we could add to the game. This is what we got planned so far.

Stuff to be added

• Farming: Farming will be in the game starting in chapter 3. I’ve been replaying games like harvest moon and rune factory just to get a feel of how farming was done in those games. Farming will be simple. You have a list of seeds that you can purchase (Tomato, turnips, etc) from shops. There will be four seasons, and some seeds grow better in certain seasons, for example, watermelons grow better in the summer. If you are successful in growing your crops, you can sell them for money to buy stuff, which leads to our next section.

• Items: From chapter 3 and onward you will get a chance to purchase items from shops. You can purchase items to better yourself, such as spellbooks, weapons, and armor. Or you can purchase items that will increase your friendship with other characters. Some items will open up new dialogue choices in the story. You cant purchase every single item in one playthrough, so spend wisely.

• Combat: Originally I wasn’t going to put combat in the game, but just like farming, I decided to try it out. Can’t say much about this yet, only that stats, Items you buy (for your self and other characters), and character relationships will all add to how well you fight monsters.

• Relationships with characters: I said there will be romance in the game but I should have mentioned that it’s going to be a slow burn kind of romance. There’s is also a ‘Friendship’ stat for each of the main characters. You can raise that stat with choices in the story, or by buying gifts for characters. Having a good relationship with characters will add new choices in combat situations.

And that’s it for now. What do you guys think? I don’t know when ill be done with chapter 2 but hopefully, it won’t take long. Again thanks for reading.

[C.A.M]

Hello everyone. I just dropped by to say the game is still being worked on, it’s just taking a lot longer than it should.

Good news is, I’m almost done with chapter 2. With how things are progressing, I’m expecting to update the game soon, hopefully this Sunday.

Again, sorry that this is taking too long. I’ll make sure to drop the rest of the chapters a lot quicker.

[C.A.M]

Alright a quick update.

Sorry guys, but I don’t think I’ll be able to update the game today. Although I have finished chapter 2, I am still in the middle of editing both chapter 1 and 2. I’ll continue working on it today. Hopefully I’ll make enough progress to update it at midnight, but I doubt it. But I know it will be done this week!

Happy Easter.

[Empress_Nightmare]

Names Barrett by the way, Barrett Wayford by the way.
I don’t think by the way here should be twice?!?

[Empress_Nightmare]

I don’t if I’m reading this wrong or no one noticed it but…

Here at the end Barret said that he’s from Leaf Town and asked MC if he/she was visiting?

But the in the next page…

Barret proudly proclaims that he’s born and raised in Leaf Town… Did the dialogue from MC missed here or something?!?

[C.A.M]

Hey guys, I’m back. Sorry for not posting anything in a while. I didn’t like how chapter 2 was going along so I decided to scrap it and take a step back from it.

I did rewrite chapter one and I’m updating it today. I also added to the stat page but it won’t affect the game just yet.

[Empress_Nightmare]

It’s just not loading after that dream scene, I’ve replayed it like ten times, waited for fifteen or so minutes each time…