For the Giants’ backstory, you repeat this part on page two:
“They have tall walls that surround their territory, as they’s rather not let other species in. Giants are also half dragon and half elf. They can’t lead the dead like the dragons, nor are they immortal. Although they live long lives. In any war the Giants are always neutral. The symbol for the giants is a star in a circle.”
For the troll section, this part seems to be missing something:
“Trolls live in mountainous terrain, there is little to no vegetation and only beasts that taste horrid.”
“Any other type of weapon is for pansies; at least that’s what trolls tell themselves because they can’t make any other type of weapon.” — Haha!
“They drop their old and sick in nearby volcanoes while they are still alive.” Oh…
For the Watchers’ section, you have an awkward sentence:
“They are psychically weak but telekinesis and very rarely, telepathy are their greatest weapons”
“The smaller decisions are decided by watchers that are assigned to make choices about food management, plumbing and other daily things.”— I like this! They’re still just petty mortals at the end of the day, too.
Finished reading the lore, and my favorite races go in this order from better to best: Giants, Trolls, Dragons, Watchers, and, my favorite, the Elves. I wonder why you chose to create these races in particular?
Huh. The line of dialogue at the beginning is awkward, so I would try making the first page of the actual game more detailed. Show off your writing skills, and all that jazz… I reached the part where you choose your race (guess what I picked?) and the fact that we players have to go with a set identity doesn’t bother me at all. I play games to experience a new world and group of people. I never insert myself into the story as a result. That is, even when the story refers to ‘me’ multiple times, I don’t think about ‘me’, I think about one of my own characters and play from their perspective.
Here, I can’t quite do that without having my character go a little OOC, but that’s all right because it’s like I said, I’m here to indulge in your world/characters.
“By the time you read this, we will most likely be dead.” — Aw, damn it! Not again, mom and dad! (They always die in nearly every JRPG.)
Reading about characters e.g. the Elven-Queen that I already know of thanks to checking out the lore is one reason why I like lots of backstory. Knowledge is power, and it tends to make me bouncy, for some reason.
My quest is already starting. Though, I have no comments about the pacing yet. (That awkward one line of dialogue at the beginning of the actual game is still kind of odd.) But I’m questioning why I’m not more upset over my parents’ death. I’m trying not to cry one moment, and then I’m picking on the troll. Perhaps I turn into a pseudo-stoic jackass when bad things happen?
And my fun time is over. Got an error. It’s similar to the one @reaper95 received, except I was playing as en elf and had decided to go with the troll.
So far, so good, @bearyboo.