The Revolution - A Story about Elves and Aliens (My first story)


#1

Hello everyone. I’m a long time lurker and I don’t think I’ve ever actually introduced myself. So, it nice to meet everyone here! I have been writing a story for the past 6 months and I wanted to figure out if it’s actually any good or if it’s just too cliché and isn’t worth its weight in paper. I also want to know if it’s worth coding. It’s still very linear, which I intend to fix after I’ve gotten the biggest part of it all written down. I’ve only written about 50,000 words and I still have a lot left to write but I figured that it was time to get some feedback from strangers. The only feedback I’ve gotten from so far is from my family. So I decided I needed some fresh eyes to look over what I have and comment on it.

I guess I should actually start on what this story is about. So here goes: The glorious (insert name here) is going to save the world from the evil in the lands. What that evil is, you’re going to have to decide for yourself. You can play as a troll, elf, dragon, giant, or watcher (I may decide to change some of the races’ names later on and probably the title too). Genre: action, adventure, comedy, tragedy, sci-fi, fantasy and drama!

Just put in the comments which species you would like to read about first because if I tried to put the background of the all of the different races into just one post it probably wouldn’t fit. :slight_smile:
Edit:

I decided to put in a little bit more for my introduction.

Once upon a time on a small planet named Yuta, there were many intelligent species that lived together, though not quite in harmony. There were many wars and many peaceful eras, there was love and hate. Although all these intelligent life forms were so different, they were also very much the same. This background information will tell you all about the different peoples of Yuta and some of their history and culture. It is important to understand the world that you are about to immerse yourself in and understand why it so desperately needs a hero.


#2

The premise is interesting, nothing like the other works here. I am interested in the dragons of your world, what is their history, is their body type like the traditional dragon or more wyvern like, are their different types of dragons like ice or fire and do they have a define culture or is it that they are all solitary creatures.
And what exactly is an watcher


#3

First off, thank you so much for such good questions!

Everyone thinks of a stereotypical dragon as a solitary, scaly, winged four-legged lizard only interested in themselves, that they are greedy and rolling in hoards of gold. Dragons are slightly different than how they are usually portrayed. Yes, they are scaly, winged four-legged lizards but their general personality is completely different. Dragons have the ability to lead the dead to the afterlife by using a jewel on their forehead that they are born with. They live in a territory called Maghiro Caves. It is a collection of caves that all dragons live in as there are not very many dragons. They rarely socialize with other dragons, unless it is mating season. Most dragons prefer talking to the dead or the other intelligent species of Yuta.

Dragons don’t have much along the lines of education. There are no schools for dragons because they are not needed. They learn what they can and use their ancestral knowledge that is gained from having their parents memories. If dragons want to learn more they have to go to the other races to learn something new. Since dragons don’t socialize with their own kind very often, they usually find themselves more like one race that is not their own than another. Dragons do not like their own race, finding them ugly and arrogant. Many dragons decide to never associate with another dragon for their entire lifetime.

All dragons must lead the dead for their jobs. They trade their services for supplies. No one argues because everyone wants their people to go to their respective gods. Dragons will practice whatever religion the people they mostly attend to believe in. Sometimes dragons will practice two or three different religions at the same time. Dragons do not have their own religion. Most of the peoples think that dragons are greedy because they take some of the items of the dead that they lead. But dragons actually keep the valuables until they are able to find its new owner which is not always a family member and sometimes the new owner hasn’t been born yet.

How the dragons learn to lead the dead is a very guarded secret.The elves have been searching for the ability to guide the dead so that they can become completely immortal.

The dragons do not have a government, there are a set of rules that their ancestors made before the curse. If someone doesn’t follow the rules, no one cares.

Since dragons don’t have thumbs they allow the other peoples to farm on their lands and domesticate animals. The farmers give most of their animals to the dragons so that they will guard their farms from the wild animals that live nearby. Dragons don’t need weapons because they have sharp claws and the ability to breathe fire. Maghiro Caves and the surrounding territory that is a part of the dragons territory is mountainous and very lush. It is a good place to farm crops.

All dragons are neither male nor female. Their mating season only happens once every hundred years during winter. The average time an egg will spend incubating is about three weeks. When a pair mates and has a fertile egg, they look after the egg until it has hatched. Once the egg has hatched it is on it’s own and must find a place to live before it dies of exposure. When a young dragon has found shelter, they live off of the remains of their egg for the next year until they are big enough not to be eaten by other dragons. Dragons can live to be up to five hundred years old.


#4

Hello Beary!
I’m excited to hear more about your story. I guess my main question is that will a race decide abilities, or will be there abilities in the first place (and if so is everyone equally good at everything?).
Also, will there be romance? I am such a sucker for romance. :wink:
Good luck on your game! From what you described of dragons, I think it would be really fun to play as them. Especially since other than Choice of Dragons, I haven’t seen another game that allows you to play a dragon along side other races. :smile:


#5

@LadyWreckful Races will decide the classes but there will be some wiggle room, like as an elf you are a magician but you could be a dps or a healer depending on your choices. Sadly, I’m pretty bad at romance and I probably won’t write any. But you can ship the characters together (I personally have two characters I would probably ship together if I decided to go the romance route). Not only will there be other races that you will interact with, but say if you decided to play as a dragon then the races that you didn’t chose will be characters in your party. The grumpy troll Mimyelles, the obnoxious elf Areen, the naive giant Moyra, the creepy watcher Pahiyom, and the arrogant dragon Jiknu. Those are all the important characters that I’ve put in so far, other than that there are the minor characters that aren’t worth mentioning.


#6

On the topic of watchers… I like to think of them as a race of stalkers, they’re all just friggin’ creepy stalkers… I’ve had a nightmare about Pahiyom once. Sorry I don’t have more on them. They have more history but it’s spoilers so I can’t say anything.

Watchers are the most mysterious race on Yuta.They have almost no history, the only thing watchers know about themselves is what they have learned from the other races.They record everything that happens on Yuta, from a child taking its first steps to a leader being assassinated.
They live in a place called Watchers Peak which is at the edge of the known world that is completely barren. They live a metallic object that they do not know what exactly it is, only that their ancestors built it.
The watchers keep their beliefs and how old they are to themselves. They also hide their bodies. They wear big hoodies/robes that go down to their feet. The only thing that is able to be seen is a glowing eye where a forehead might be.They are psychically weak but telekinesis and very rarely, telepathy are their greatest weapons. Watchers work as judges, calmly and objectively looking at the facts and telling the truth of what happened.
Watchers have a government system in where there is a council that is often called by the other races as the Watcher Council because the name the watchers gave the council, the other races are unable to actually say what the watchers call them. The watchers decide on all the major decisions for their people. The smaller decisions are decided by watchers that are assigned to make choices about food management, plumbing and other daily things. They are recognized by their striped robes. Teachers are recognized by the paisley patterns on their robes and those on the watcher council are recognized by the plaid patterns.Most watchers have solid pattern robes which means that they leave often. Colors do not matter to the hierarchy of the watchers only what patterns they have.


#7

Most interesting.

About trolls…Are they the stereotypical trolls, or are you planning something different?


#8

I tried to do something outside the box for each race so I think they’re all somewhat different from most of the stereotypes that are given to fantasy races. Also, sorry for taking so long to respond, I’m getting my butt kicked by a sinus infection.

Trolls are shunned by most races because there is a law made a long time ago by the elves to ignore or attack or kill trolls on sight depending on whether or not they are carrying a weapon. Unless it is a technology inspector than they are free to converse with trolls. They are the most hated of all the races because of the wars that they had with the elves over land. They live in small villages that are not allowed to exceed 20 people, which is also a law that the elves have made.

There is a good reason that the trolls went to war against the elves. They live in a mountainous area that has a lot of volcanoes and every couple of years a volcano will go off and kill most of the trolls and animals that live in their territory. Since most of the animals usually die off, trolls are always out hunting and looking for food. Trolls are always fighting other villages for their food and resources.

Trolls are monotheistic which most other species frown upon because most all of them are polytheistic. The trolls god’s name is Aarisis and he is the god of victory and sport. The stories of Aarisis vary from village to village but the one thing they all agree on is that he when he was born the world burned. Trolls dance around volcanoes during summer, the season that Aarisis was born. They send their people to Aarisisian, where their god resides. The burial ritual for trolls are odd. They throw their old and sick while they’re still alive into a nearby volcano. The trolls that do not help the village are stabbed and thrown in the only river in troll territory. The criminal trolls aren’t able to swim and drown so that they can never see Aarisis. When there is a particularly rough season and the trolls in their village are dying of starvation, they will eat the old and sick instead of throwing them into a volcano but they still go to Aarisisian because of their sacrifice.

Trolls do not have a written language. But the children in each village were taught how to read elvish as an outreach program that was run by the elves.

Trolls have a chieftain that decides the rules of the village. They do not chose who is to be chieftain but rather the lineage is hereditary.