Yay, I got a reaction
Donor was great game play can’t wait see more it was fun making it to chapter 7
@Takashi_Shin Thank you so much! I’m thrilled you’re enjoying the story so far
@Fay Ugh. I need to do a better job of checking for this type of thing… THANK YOU!
Honestly, I never came across this issue because I kept naming my MC here Lenore
Just realised that you put achievements in the game, I am having a lot of fun reading the endings achievements and what could they possible mean
I would make it so the MC finds out their target is an authority figure - “What do you mean, I’m supposed to seduce and kidnap an FBI agent?!” (panic sets in and the MC retreats hastily)
@Meira_Litch I’ve been DYING for feedback on the achievements! I went back and forth as to whether I should include descriptions for the ending achievements, but I ultimately decided to leave them out. Hopefully, the titles are decent enough clues once you reach the corresponding part of the story.
Btw, the following deaths should be achievable by now:
- Death 1: The Martyr: ??? (30 points)
- Death 2: Collateral Damage: ??? (35 points)
- Death 3: Dirty Laundry: ??? (30 points)
Thanks so much for the amaaazing feedback
@Eiwynn Thank you!!! This is super creative! I’m gonna use it along with the other suggestions
@Elena_H Peek-a-boo, I love your style too! Your work is in a category of its own, especially since it is a true survival game, where dead endings not only make sense, but are also incredibly deliciously written. And your characterization of vampires is refreshing; both the lack of humanity and the need to feel are interesting concepts to explore; which you do wonderfully by the way. One of the death endings inspired one of the endings in my WIP, so thank you for that treat
One of the death endings in your story is indirectly responsible for one of the possible endings in mine
I like @Eiwynn’s suggestion. Instead of an FBI agent you could also use someone, who is well known but not exactly popular? Maybe a politician or a mayor?
Maybe this could also work.
- Target actually is at the club with friends and someone stops Leonore and him on their way out
- Target is not actually single and his girlfriend comes running
- A waiter spills his drink over the target and the two get into a fight (which is similar to what has already been suggested, but oh well)
- Paul comes too close to the pair and target chickens out (survival instincts at work)
- Target spots Leonore taking her pills, thinks she is on drugs and bails
I think the way they are is perfect. You have the title and that triggers your imagination. I prefer it when you don’t know straight away all the details, and instead you have a tiny sneak peak to start guessing
I find specially intriguing “an unlikely ally” and “bloody revenge”.
Also, put Richards eye out??? Omg can we do that by now or will that be in future chapters?
@kirakana First, thank you so much for the phenomenal compliment. You are much too kind.
Well, you certainly have a distinct voice because I would never have guessed (assuming I came across it in my playthrough). Do you mind my asking where it was?
As for your suggestions regarding chapter 5, thank you! And now that I have so many to choose from, I think I’m going to make what happens at the club a “random event,” which I’m psyched to try because I haven’t experimented with that before
Once this WIP makes it out into the wild, I’m gonna credit everyone somewhere who played a part in shaping the final story, and you’re totally on that list now
Oh good! I just hope all the names are sufficient enough clues - I guess I’ll find out in the next few releases
As for putting Richard’s eye out, you’ll have to wait for Chapter 9.
Not yet written, aha. It’s more of an end-game ending (if that makes sense).
Good luck with randomizing events; it will definitely be a nice addition to the story.
Awesome! I’ll make sure to pipe in with more ideas, should you ever need them
Ah, and I agree with @Meira_Litch on your achievements being perfect as they are. Their titles are intriguing and distinctive enough to get the imagination rolling. Any more text would take away the mystery (at least in my opinion ).
Can we poke Richard in the eye with a pen? … Actually, can vampires regenerate? Will his eye grow back?
@kirakana lol you don’t do it with a pen.
As for your other question: In the sequel, his eye did grow back. Hadn’t thought about it until now, but should your character survive putting his eye out, I’ll need to mention it regenerating in the epilogue
Ok, I’m looking forward to see how we can survive that. I mean, they eat their friends all the time, so what is a wee eye in comparison? Is just like a hug
@Meira_Litch It is just like a hug. The only problem is that Rich is gonna want to hug back…
So if eye poking is equal to a hug, then what’s equal to a kiss?
I doubt it’s anything the MC’s likely to survive.
If it helps, here's an excerpt from the book regarding how Richard plans to get the MC back after he loses his eye.
…Paul looked up at Richard with a wry smile on his face. “Uh, Rich?”
“Why’s there a huge vat next to the steam cleaner with Lenore’s name on it? What the hell’s in that thing?”
Lenore inhaled sharply.
“Holy shit,” Paul whispered. “You can’t pour acid on Lenore. Fuck, man. I thought we talked about this.”