Ah okay showing up now will pick it up tomorrow when I get home
Is it available on kindle fire?
Hey, Alex. I’m reading DWF and there seem to be the same type of grammar errors as in Murder in Berlin. For example:
As quickly as possible, time is of the essence.
should either be
As quickly as possible. Time is of the essence.
or
As quickly as possible; time is of the essence.
Basically, if the thing that the comma separates could be a sentence of its own, a semi-colon works best there.
Also, I found some more typos:
"And may I say what a pleasure it is to make your acquaintance of two such delightful young ladies as yourselfs" Maria blushes, Gabrielle remains more level headed and enquires, "For what reason "
would be
And may I say, what a pleasure it is to make the acquaintance of two delightful young ladies such as yourselves." Marie blushes. Gabrielle remains more level-headed, and inquires, "For what reason?"
I would suggest a proof read; there seem to be quite a few typos. It isn’t too big of a deal, but it does detract from the experience a bit. Also, I think it would be smoother with empty lines between paragraphs and dialogue.
Already finished tw game trough the thread you made before but i’l definitly buy it to help you bruh.
@hapamama93 I don’t have a kindle so I don’t really know the differences between the different versions but I know it is available on Kindle via Amazon
@Samuel_H_Young thanks, really helpful as always, I will have a look into this and obviously things like yourselfs instead of yourselves will have to be sorted. In terms of paragraphing, I decided to write it in that way, in the way a novel is written, so dialogue is on the next line rather than a new paragraph. I have since realised CoG like to do it with a new paragraph and so will adhere to this in the future.
@cyanide thanks mate, much appreciated!
What I’d really like to know as an author is what people think of it as a story and as interactive fiction. So can anyone who has played it give me feedback on it as a piece of literature?
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O! Also is there romance jw what I’m buying
I thought it was very good. I liked how we controle the caracters morality. It make us feel closer to the characters without being our owns.
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Another thing to note, Alex, is that ending punctuation (like exclamation marks, question marks and periods) go inside the quotation marks. So instead of
"bla bla bla".
it’s
"bla bla bla."
@Samuel_H_Young Hmm, I guess that might be a British thing because here we put ! and ? inside the quotation marks but full stops definitely go outside
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Oh, really? And I live in the US, btw. xD
Also, there seems to be a bug…I’m currently the nurse, and for some reason I’m really mad at Vidal for calling me easy in front of his friends or something like that, even though none of that happened to my character. It seems like it skipped the party or something.
And oddly enough, Alba seemed REALLY eager to kill the fascists that they met after taking the rabbit from the trap, even though, earlier, I chose to vote for taking the enemies as prisoners.
If you’re mad at Vidal it’s because you chose that option when Gabrielle asked how things are going, the party happens off-screen so to speak.
Again, if you picked to kill them then I guess she’ll behave eager to kill them. There is an invisible morality stat, voting for taking prisoners obviously increases it, but choosing to kill the fascists in that bit will decrease it. What did you chose to do in the previous chapter with the priest and later prisoners (as Alba)? That will certainly have had an effect, but primarily I guess it’ll be if you chose to kill them then that’s what’ll happen.
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I never chose to kill them. I always chose to take prisoners.
Right so when you were foraging, did you chose to shoot the passing fascists or surprise them?
I chose to surprise them.
Ah ok, I’m guessing then that you lost the vote and the militia aren’t taking prisoners?
Yes…but still, I didn’t think Alba would be so eager to do it.
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I agree, i’ll look into it. I’m planning an update for typos etc anyway
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I’ll second everything Samuel’s said so far. It needs a pretty thorough phase of editing.
That said, I liked it. I respond a lot better to historical settings rather than fantasy or sci-fi, and this one is underused in general. I liked the main characters, although the side characters all seem to be interchangeable. Alba is my favorite; she gets a legitimate character arc. I really liked the way the narratives overlap and can affect each other. I would have liked to see more of that. There was a video game a while back called Indigo Prophecy (or Fahrenheit for you furriners) that had a similar mechanic.
You asked about it as a story and as interactive fiction. I think it has potential as a story, but it’s hampered by the large amount of typos and other errors. As a game it’s fairly railroaded, and would benefit from more variability. In the hazy world of interactive fiction it’s a solid but not outstanding work.