Coming Soon!

Yes I do. But, In North America, most people at School are pretty lazy.

I am just too tired is my problem ,where do you go to school? ~O) < I-)

I go to School in the USA. :wink: Also, try taking a 9 hour-sleep. It works for me on the weekends… Says school.

And Rainsford, I might. If only I can finish my other Project… But I doubt I’d make much progress on it when I just started writing it.

Ok folks, I just got really excited and wanted to give you a bite of this wonderful pie. Again, we are preparing to release the demo, but I finished proof reading this tiny tiny segment today and thought it would make a nice teaser to throw at you! I hope you all like it. This part wont be included in the initial demo release because it occurs later on in the game, but it is being coded in even as I am typing this. PROGRESS PEOPLE! I love it!


This… feeling propels you forward out of your home, across your wooden patio and out into the front yard. You spin in a full three-sixty, searching, but for what?

The kids are no where to be seen, and the air has grown so cold you hug yourself to stay warm. The day has become unnaturally dark, like someone decided to yank the chain on the sun. You look off into the distance, and it seems to you like your neighborhood stretches for miles and miles, to where you cannot even make out the end of the block. You think for a second you must be having one of those hallucinations people talk about from time to time, or they showed in a couple of screen shows.

But then your most insidious nightmare greets you.

It’s presence is overwhelming. You spin around in full blown panic and come face to face with IT. It’s eyes huge and lifeless oblongs, staring into your soul. Its skin naked, sexless, and pale black, like cured leather. It has no ears or nose, and only a few strands of wiry black hair atop its oily misshapen head.

It opens its gigantic mouth, displaying it’s many rows of black razor teeth and a brown forked slithering slimy worm of a tongue writhing about almost…eagerly.

With an iron and lightning fast grip, it has you under the arm pits like you were an infant being hefted, hoisting you up in the air a full two feet off the ground and level with its own grotesque features. The whole world is spinning and black, the only thing left are you and It. It leans in closely enough to where you can see your own reflection in its horrible ungodly eyes.

“Paul…” you hear it hiss through its hideous clenched jaw, a sound that is somehow both repulsive and yet inescapable.
“Look at me!” LOOK AT ME!! PAUL!!!"

It screeches in your face like some kind of primal beast, as if the devil himself was only inches away from you, breathing forth a foul sour stench of fetid death.

Then… the world freezes like a living picture and dissolves, the thing with it, a metaphoric rain washing away a frail chalk drawing, and you collapse to the ground.

I hope you all liked it!

amazing though it dint creep me much but for some reason “You look off into the distance, and it seems to you like your neighborhood stretches for miles and miles, to where you cannot even make out the end of the block” scared me :confused:

@ RainsfordXY It’s not a bad rough draft. I think you could stand to strip the narrative to its bare bones, minimalist essentials. For some reason, the longer sentences prevent a sense of atmosphere. Get straight to the point with clipped sentences and bold words and phrases; don’t make me think as much as *feel*.

That said, the actual description of the creature is pretty solid. Not sure I’m in love with the idea of it talking, though, at least right away (I’m guessing this is the first encounter with it). Maybe you could get across in the narrative that the character has this overwhelming compulsion to look at it, despite being repulsed by it. Or that the creature’s eyes almost *demand* to be met by the character’s.

I also think you could use a touch more build-up to the sudden appearance of the… whatever it is. Focus on the mundane and unsettling details a little more, like the cold and darkness and sense of emptiness in the neighborhood. Prepare the reader a bit for the appearance of the creature by doing things like describing faint sounds heard behind you, footsteps, breathing, etc. Have the hairs on the back of the character’s neck stand on end and so on. The transition out of the waking nightmare or whatever you have happen could be punched up, too.

Hey sorry if you all are getting PO’d by me posting too many threads, I just got onto a new topic and it seems to have made a couple of people upset. I’m not trying to spam the forum.

I’m sure your enthusiasm and the relevance of the topics to a practical application negates the offence.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you our initial titleless Alpha demo. Just so you guys can see our opening scene. We hope you like it. Please givith feedback.

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/82304071/The%20Demo/mygame/index.html

Wished I could understand how to add hidden OGG music… But I can only understand how to use Choicescript’s (Unofficial) save system by CJW and the Syntax Highlighter. Back on topic, there’s a bug where the Choicescript Stats screen & Inventory don’t have a back Button. Though, loading your last save helps you get back.

EDIT: A Punctuation error I found was in “NEVER!! Im no Wimp!” Good luck CTRL+F that… And a 404 error somewhere after you found the Creature in your dreams after surviving the fire in “Rise and Shine!”

I like the use of old-timey words and phrases. Keep it up. d(’-'d)

This sentence doesn’t make any sense to me; “She giggles ever so slightly and turns a small shade of red through her thick blush.”

Also, the music is honestly more distracting than mood-setting, IMO. =\

In the background options, “genious” should be “genius.” Also, unlike the others, it isn’t really clear what kind of advantage the journalist option gives you.

“…it’s not the feeling in your gut that[’]s making you sink…”

“…have already began to panic…” I’m not certain, but I think “begun” is more fitting here.

“…unbuckling [their] belts…”

“You know [you’re] not belted in, but [you’re]…” This sentence also makes little sense to me overall, I’d consider dumping it or cutting off the first half.

“…return to [their] seats…”

“Wigging out” sounds like it’s too modern to me. Maybe change it out for something else.

“That[’]s a load of crock… it[’]s… don[’]t… I[’]m…”

“…so I can move move.” Haha, sounds like a song’s about to bust out here. Anyway, lose a “move.” =P

I don’t really like pointing out every typo or misspelling a person makes, but I wanted to do it this once to draw attention to the abundance of them. These aren’t all of them (I got tired of copying them down and there may be some on pages for choices I didn’t pick) and though they’re small, there’s a lot and it gets annoying/distracting spotting them after a while. I’d suggest another round of attentive editing and spellchecking.

I’d kind of like it better if two of the three options to get out of the wreck weren’t automatic death sentences. It’d be a good way to set a pattern for how the character will handle things (physically, mentally, etc.).

Not sure how I feel about the creature being observed so early on. I think a brief flash of it would be okay, but I don’t know about the fairly detailed description/interaction that you have occurring now. Either way, I think emphasizing that the POV is out of sorts and considers that the thing might be a hallucination would be a good idea.

Well, the plane crash sequence goes on for quite a bit, then the rest sort of breezes by. TBH, I’m not so very interested in what happens on the plane as after. Maybe you could condense things a bit, though if I’m the only one advocating this, feel free to tune me the hell out. :wink:

At the point where I decide whether to go back to sleep or get ready to meet Richie and Martha, when I choose the latter, there’s a 404 error message.

That’s all I have for now. I’m eager to play more, though! =D

Thanks guys. We will be posting an official demo here soon in its own WIP thread with a title, and the 404 message is where we stopped the programming. The rest is still a little too rough around the edges for proper game play. Soon. As for the rest, I will look into it, and perhaps modify it after we get some more community input.