Thanks, I will try not to sell my soul to the devil in order to finish this😁
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Will a secret stat work?
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Personally I’d for for something like a “cunning” or “hacking” stat, but “secret” could work as well. Maybe see if anyone has an idea or do a poll?
Hmm…
“Hacking” doesn’t really fit in. You could cheat in a game without hacking at all. “Cunning” on the other hand is more suitable, even more suitable than “Secrets”.
However…
Cheating in eSports, has always been a grey spot, at least to me. What may be a cheat to one guy, it may be a legit play to another. That’s why plays like olofboost(CSGO) and Fountain Hooks(DOTA2) are controversial at best, but not outright cheating.
In the case I do end up implementing a " cheat" stat, I would have to make sure that it can be used properly when prompted, not be a show stat.
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It doesnt matter how long, it matters that u did it!(Im looking at all the other WIPs…) And its great!
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I’m going to be very honest, this game has a lot of potential. This is easily a literal one-of-a-kind game because there really aren’t any other esports-based games like this, and as a person who plays video games such as Rainbow Six, Team Fortress 2 and of course, Counter-Strike, this really puts a smile on my face.
Don’t worry too much about these because I know that this game is still in it’s infancy and you have a lot of time to make improvements
So far, I will give some things that the game needs to improve on. I really want this game to succeed, to be honest. But there are still some areas this needs to work on.
1.) The ROs. The ROs simply go way too fast, they’re way too sudden. I don’t like the fact that so far, your only opportunity to romance a character is really on your very first interaction with them.
These characters, especially the ROs, need way more time to develop other than a few paragraphs of backstory. I suggest not including the romance interactions and only giving the player choices to flirt with them and/or a “yeah I kinda have a crush on them” option rather than starting the relationship immediately, then you can give the player more opportunities to interact with the characters before going to the big moment.
2.) The Writing. No, the story is rather solid thus far. The writing I’m talking about is the way the sentences are written. The detail in the sentences are rather decent but in some, I would have appreciated more details regarding the environment. However, my main concern is that this game has a couple grammatical and typographical errors, please double check your commas since they sometimes seem to be out of place.
Chapter 1: All it takes, is someone willing to try.
*All it takes is someone willing to try
Unlucky. You tell yourself, in your mind
*You tell yourself in your mind
(but I suggest just making it “A shot narrowly misses your character’s head, and you think you’re kind of lucky since that shot could have been lethal)
There are still a couple more than these and you should work on those. I am working on a game myself and I recommend that you always refine a chapter before working a new one.
3.) The terminologies. Not everyone who will buy your game plays CS and I suggest that you give an overview of what certain tactics could do since it allows players who do not play CS to understand the tactics and what stats they may enhance.
For example, in your first scene, try adding details to each option that you can perform.
You can try rushing him. After all, the unpredictable nature and the fact that you could close the distance between yourself and the your AWP-wielding opponent is a good technique.
Or you could engage him right now by peeking and taking a headshot. It’s a quick but tricky maneuver, but assuming that he has no helmet equipped, your headshot could take him down right now.
Lastly, you could take advantage of the fact that the AWP requires accuracy; you can’t just spray with it. Your tactical awareness tells you that you could lay down smoke to obscure your position, allowing you to get the drop on him.
I want to note here that you should try adding more options here, The only stats affected at this choice are just technique and tactics. I suggest making the “peek and headshot” boost flash since a maenuver like that is pretty flash in itself, I also suggest adding an option to coordinate with a teammate and altering the situation a bit to boost teamwork.
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First of all, thank you for checking it out! As someone who plays CS regularly, it’s always nice to see someone who plays it too.
Secondly, about your pointers;
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I am planning to rewrite the RO interaction scenes already, so it’s a WIP. I plan to add three options per interaction; the “flirty” one, the “shy and cute” one and the normal, friendly one.
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Got it, gotta flesh out the sentences more👍🏻.
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I already have a glossary at the stats screen, if it helps.
And about actions, I will try to explain these as much as possible as I can. And in the first scene, your teammates are already dead and you are the only one left standing. But I will try to flesh it in the writing.
Plus, stat allocation is already being reworked. One thing though, should I use fairmath stats?
And I will try to limit my use of commas, I’m a commatic, as I like to define myself.
Once again, thanks😁.
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Thank you for responding!
Oh, my bad. I didn’t know that the scenes right now are placeholders for future RO scenes. But I think that you should give heads-up on what parts are WIP and only have placeholder scenes in them. But I recommend that you ditch placeholders and make them as you create the game.
Okay I think I worded it wrong, I think that “The Terminologies” was the wrong title since I am fully aware of the glossary, and that most of my criticism is on the stat distribution. But a little suggestion (you don’t need to worry about this and you don’t have to follow it) I kind of suggest keeping the terms in the glossary in character dialogue since some of the terms are abbreviations which may make the book seem unprofessional and all, but you could keep these since it reflects the game’s esports vision and gives it some charm.
I am glad that you are working more on the stat distribution but I suggest that the first choice should allow the player to increase at least one of any stat (and again that scene only boosted technique and tactics.) I suggest altering it a bit, making a game a 1v2 (because odds like those could easily turn into a 1v1), allowing the player to coordinate with a teammate to boost teamwork.
Also, pay attention to the fact that in my examples, each explanation had a keyword for what stat it boosts. The word “technique” and “maneuver” was used when explaining the stats that boost technique, and “tactical awareness” was used on the smokescreen option. Of course, you can slowly remove these keywords in later choices if you don’t want to hand-hold the reader through everything.
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Got it👍🏻
Will start work on it after my vacation ends.
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This is quite a unique idea for a game – I don’t think anything like this has been tried on these forums. Indeed, when it comes to narrative representations of eSports the only thing I can think of is SC2VN. There’s a lot of potential here. However, I wholly agree with the points raised by @M.J.Lotto. There’s some polishing to be done, but it’s early days.
Here’s my feedback, and I hope it’s somewhat helpful:
From what there is so far, it seems like the action scenes are the most attention-grabbing. You do a good job of transposing an FPS to text, in both the opening scene and the match at the end. The start with the sniper is a nice hook to the game – people will want to see what happens after starting in the middle of the action. I only have a minor specific concern about these scenes: it feels a bit too much like VR. The way it is written makes it seem like the player character is actually in the middle of a firefight instead of being in a box on a stage with mouse & keyboard. That’s only a very minor problem, though.
The PC is more-or-less extremely character locked: so far, most of their personality is fixed. This mainly manifests in the ROs coming on too strong and the choices being worded where the player character inherently has an attraction to them, regardless of what the player might want. Now with Alex and Taylor a preexisting crush is fine, but the game comes on way too strongly even for this. One egregious example is the following:
I don’t go to Alex. I prefer myself being isolated and emotionally unattached (you serious?)
It paints it as being not only incorrect, but also questions the reader’s decision to choose, which I would consider ill-advised – it feels pushy and may irritate some. It can also cause players to develop an antipathy against the RO, which may also not be intended. Character-locking continues with how the PC’s childhood is entirely laid out for them. This is continued on: the PC must be a dick to their fans, for example. But again every time the PC may consider not interacting with an RO, the other choice is written to snidely question the player’s decisions.
Generally, I’d say that character locking to this extent is disadvantageous. Players play because it’s a game, so they want to feel that their choices have an impact and that they connect with their character. It’s harder – but not impossible – to connect with a character in such games where everything about them but their name is already established. If it is intended to be a more narratively-fixed experience, that’s fine, but it should probably be expressed so that people don’t enter into the game with incorrect preconceptions.
The choice where you can choose how you got Cold Barrel is a good start, but there could be more. You’ve mentioned having alternate interactions with the ROs, and that’s a good start. But I wouldn’t recommend let the ROs dictate the game unless it’s intentionally meant to be romantically-focused. Why does the PC want to win the Destiny, for example? Why did they start streaming (which comes out of nowhere)? Why does the PC care so much about their ranking instead of victory rate?
Even if the PC’s motivation is set in stone, it should be explained instead of it being repeated again and again that they need to win – but the player never knows why.
Another issue is that characters apart from the ROs seem to just be there to fill out the world, rather than being characters themselves. The most notable example is said IGL, who is never referred to by their handle or their actual name, and seems to only exist as a vehicle for the PC to have some time alone with Alex, even though the PC may have been playing with them for a while. Your teammates are never referred to by name, only as “one of your teammates”. It doesn’t feel like the PC is part of a team at all. This is especially evident since “teamwork” is a stat, “teammates” is measured, and a major focus of the current choices is to what degree the PC blames their failures on their teams.
At other times, it feels like I, the player/reader, am a spectator in this universe. The player doesn’t know everything about the lore, but in the text there is both at times an over-abundance of it and at other times a shortage of it. On the one hand, I don’t need to know about every eSports gamer of note unless they are relevant to that scene or will come up in the future (for instance, the paragraph mentioning “Vigil” is the largest paragraph on that page and has no real effect).
On the other hand, when it comes to actual relevant (or potentially-relevant) information, that tends to be missing. I know there’s a glossary and a timeline, but I’m of the opinion that they should be referred to as little as possible, as flipping to it breaks the flow of reading.
Oh, and did I mentioned that they defeated Team Blue last season to become the defending champion of the US National?
What does this mean? Well, I have to go to the timeline to learn that Team Blue were a major historic team and beating them was a major achievement – but I shouldn’t have to flip through several screens to know that. The player character clearly knows the implications of this statement - why not state it out plainly?
This is something that could be worked on to stop player alienation. Pertinent facts shouldn’t be left in the timeline – my philosophy is that the game should be playable and understandable without ever having to look at the stats screen, which is only there as a utility. Additionally, perhaps some acronyms should be written in full the first time they are encountered? For instance, the In-Game Leader is addressed as that the first that phrase is used; afterwards, IGL can be used. It’s a balancing act, I admit. There must be enough use of terminology for it to seem authentic, but at the same time a complete overload might be difficult for some to read through.
The narrator also occasionally changes. Usually it is second person, “you”, but occasionally “I” comes through for no apparent reason – as exemplified in the quotes I’ve highlighted – which is jarring.
Again, I hope this was constructive somewhat, and best of luck with the game!
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First of all, thanks for checking this out! And also, thank you for writing such an extensive review. I feel blessed, somewhat.
Secondly and I’m taking notes, I will start working on this as soon as I can, maybe even do a major rewrite too. But, as you understand, the game is in early stages, like really early stages, so eveeything can change. Nothing is granted and permanent , it will just require a little bit of time(alright, probabaly a lot).
Again, thanks for checking out the demo. I really appreciate it .
PS: I’ve wrote this on my phone, so mistakes may be found in writing.
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- Do a major rewrite
- Do not do a major rewrite
0 voters
Also if you vote for rewrite, plz send me a message through this forum to tell me what changes you would like to see(if you have time)
the only change i’d make at this point would be making alex’s gender chooseable instead of a default nb. then again, that’s up to you, i’m mostly fine with it but others might want them to be gendered like before. ultimately though it’s your choice
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It doesn’t really need a major rewrite, just more polishing (at least for me.) But I suggest that you don’t even poll such a decision. Just choose the one that you think will make your game better.
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So…
My computer’s hard disk crashed and I lost everything, including the WIP files.
Fortunately, I have backed everything up in my phone and my external hard drive, so I should be able to start working soon, but just to let you know, It’s gonna take a while.
So, things to expect in the new update;
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Writing and description in general being more polished and detailed(invested and fleshed out)
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RO personality development
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More types of interactions with the ROs.
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New MC personality stats added.
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(This is gonna come as bad) Flash probably…removed.
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Timeline probably…removed.
Also thank you all, for those who have checked out the demo. For all of your troubles, plz have a cookie:cookie:
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Thank you for the cookie its delicious 
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