Found some things.
Slightly confusing interaction
In that way peculiar to Guidry, the sound of his voice rumbles out of his throat. “Dey wuz tawkin about Clo-toh.”
“Good evening to you too, M. Guidry. It is always a pleasure to see you.”
“Dey wuz tawkin about Clo-toh.”
“Yes, I feel quite well this evening. Thank you for asking. I’m glad to hear that you’ve been enjoying your occupation so.”
“Dey wuz tawkin about Clo-toh.”
I’ve always been a little confused by this exchange with Guidry. The character doesn’t seem to have difficulty understanding him any other times you speak with him, or any other characters that speak with some kind of accent, so why now?
Suggestion 1
“Is you afeared o’ me?”
“I smell the oil. I do not wish to meet my death this evening.”
“You always wuz a smart one.”
“You know, I’ve been very worried about you.”
“So worried you let Kwaister Withers turn me in to a vam-piah?”
“She didn’t ask me first.”
“She didn’ ask me, neither.”
“Well, it’s time for you to go home, Wilson. Time to leave Memphis,” you say, a slight edge to your tone.
I feel like this meeting could be a little more positive if you made every effort to be kind to him. Letting him know how much you appreciate his loyalty, helping his brother out of slavery, even setting him up with his own farm when you let him go.
Possible continuity error?
It’s the end of May and it’s been four years since P.T. Barnum’s circus visited St. Louis. Now rebranded, “The Greatest Show on Earth,” it is touring the middle of the country. That, of course, means several days in St. Louis. You recall fondly your previous attendance.
- I invite Hiram to attend the circus with me once again.
- I invite Sabine Bécard to attend the circus with me.
- I arrange a rendezvous with Annie Jones.
- I will attend the circus by myself.
It’s a bit weird that I can arrange a rendezvous with a Annie even if I’ve never talked to her.
Confusing choice
How much income would you like to donate?
- Five.
- Ten.
- Fifteen.
When endowing some doctor’s laboratory this comes up. It’s a bit confusing. Donate five what? Five thousand dollars? Is it removing 5-15 from the income permanently?
Suggestion 2
“I am sorry to hear that, Miss Browne. Now, about the Meriwethers…”
It seems that a man by the name of Minor Meriwether, an associate of Nathan Bedford Forrest, has organized a group of landowners, urging them to refuse to pay their taxes. Meriwether, his brother Niles, and Forrest have been working at this for years it seems, but recently their efforts have gained a critical mass. The finances of the city are spiraling out of control as the former Confederates hold it hostage, demanding to be granted the right to vote and run for office again. Carothers is greatly perturbed by these men, but seems uncertain as to how to handle the situation.
Maybe Carothers will know that you are lying to him about the war messing up your money if you live in the Greenlaw place. Unsure if Carothers knows the exact location of the character’s haven though.
Semi-repeating sentences and spelling error 1
Upon returning home, you direct Maeve to search the newspapers for the itinerary of the Barnum & Bailey circus. Once ascertained, you compose a letter and send it along to meet her in a few days.
Over the next few months, you strike up an increasingly salacious correspondence. She has a way with words and—more importantly—seems to recall your assignation with fondness. You’ve maintained an intermittant correspondence with her in the interim. The conversation has alternated between salacious and poignant. She has a way with words and further seems to recall your assignation with fondness, though she occasionally dips into less-cheery reflections on her condition.
Repeats how Annie has a way with words and intermittent is misspelled.
Illiterate inconsistency
You look about yourself fearfully, wondering if anyone can perceive this moment of vulnerability. Amazingly, Mandarin, Hebe, and Columbia aren’t the only elephants. No, in fact, the workers keep unloading the massive beasts. And unloading. All told, there must be about three dozen of them. As well as camels and zebras and other creatures about which you’ve only read in the most fanciful of storybooks.
The two of you watch as the laborers and performers strive together to erect the tents before dawn arrives and brings even more gawkers to the show.
Illiterate character has done some reading.
Spelling error 2
It’s at this point that Elliot’s anger overcomes his confusion. From within his coat he pulls out a knife and begins to advance on the two of you.
You could step back and let Annie try and talk him down; she might appreciate that. Alternatley, if you’re fast enough and have enough control over your beast, you can interject yourself and fall on his knife. A few jabs and he’ll probably assume that he’s killed you. If you don’t lose your temper and rip his throat out, that should put the fear of the law into some part of his brain.
Should be alternatively.
Spelling error 3
June rolls around. The days are long and your nighttime adventures are comensurately curtailed.
You read in the newspaper that there has been a fire in Creede, Colorado, consuming many of the downtown structures. You are grateful that you did not gamble on Mr Smith’s scheme; this fire is likely his downfall.
The peculiarity of the conflagration is compounded by the fact that, just two days later, Robert Ford is murdered in his just-erected tent saloon. He had apparently relocated to Creede when the silver mine was opened and established a saloon there, which was consumed along with the rest of the town by the fire. Resistance takes many forms; some among the black community seek to use the master’s tools to dismantle the master’s house.
Should be commensurately.
Sr. Ferdinand
“Sr. Ferdinand de Villanueva e Itamaraca was a pirate during his life and even in his death. He was responsible for Jean Lafitte joining Andrew Jackson at the Battle of New Orleans; it is unfortuante that you did not meet him there. Regardless, it is rumored that he is involved with the revolutionaries in Cuba.”
Re-report. His name is Fernando.
Suggestion 3
Maeve does her best to comfort you. You push her away, but whenever you need something, she is there, having already anticipated your need. She is clearly affected by your sorrow.
As for you, there is nothing to be done but grieve.
The nights pass and you put one foot in front of the other. Eventually, you do enough “firsts” after her death—first time you’ve fed, first time you’ve seen other vampires, first time seeing a play—that you start to feel some distance between you and her. The distance comes in fits and spurts—sometimes, she is right there with you yet again, both present and absent. And finally, one day, you smile for the first time since she died, and you hate yourself for it. How can you smile when Annie is dead? But then you smile again, and eventually you realize you can’t hate yourself for continuing to exist.
I feel like Silas and/or Clotho could be mentioned somewhere in this, near the end at least. Because the character has been though this before.
Repeating sentence
Norris is clearly delighted with your partnership. **You direct Maeve to see him out. You direct Maeve to see him out. **
She leads him out twice.
Spelling error 4
“Have you ever found yourself entirely alone in the world? Without friends or connections? Without even the possiblity of sympathy from anyone that you meet? Let me answer that question for you: no, you have not. Believe me when I tell you that when you are beset on all sides, even the smallest shred of mutual understanding—of shared history—can be a lifeline that is only spurned by the foolish.”
“And that is why you serve him? Beause of mutual understanding?”
She sighs and shakes her head. “Yes, if that is what you understood me to have said.”
Should be because.
West is bugged
Error: line 188: Neither true nor false: 0.
Can’t pick West as sire. Error message pops up.
Small annoyance
Unfortunately, despite many late nights, you are unable to devise any possible improvements to the building’s plans or construction techniques.
My character had 4 technology. I feel like I should have succeeded even if I lacked the required 3 intelligence. Perhaps even have something special happen because inhuman technology skill level.