Be Divine :Genesis[WIP](Update 14 August 2017)

[Dark_Stalker]

@Charles_Lai

Why does no one comments on my post nowadays ,it seems very interesting as a WIP(In my perspective).

You’re kind of biased.

@Charles_Lai

And the dude that says he’s going to help me with the plot now is gone ,for god’s sake!!

And now it’s just me and my buddy(ghost author)doing this .

Sorry about that.

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I’ll check this out during the weekend.

[Charles_Lai]

Sorry for being biased ,can’t help it.(my culture which I dislike for seeing people as inferior but it somehow affected me)

[Charles_Lai]

And thank you for replying ,felt the warmth in the cold and realistic world

[Dark_Stalker]

@Charles_Lai

Sorry for being biased ,can’t help it.(my culture which I dislike for seeing people as inferior but it somehow affected me)

I was joking, because your the author of course you’d like it.

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(You’re spacing your commas wrong, they attach to the word behind them with the space after.)

[Auser]

@Dark_Stalker

You’re spacing your commas wrong, they attach to the word behind them with the space after.)

@Charles_Lai yeah the same mistakes were done in the game too and sometimes fullstops and comma are put at wrong places and so continuos that makes sentences pretty hard to understand. Your story is impressive but setimes the grammayical mistakes can break immersion of the story.
Not that I am good at English but you can take help from English teacher or someone very good at English.

[Charles_Lai]

Anyone got experience and willing to help me root out my errors?

[Charles_Lai]

So, can anyone help me out in the grammatical errors?

[Vattena]

I do find this:

• Unknown irrestitable face ,with a perfect nose and elegant looking eyes . grabs a hold of you and injects a serum inside your body .

Irresistible

There also unnecessary space between “.” And “body”

Also unnecessary space between “face” and “,” it’s should be like this: “face, with”

[majinmike]

Love the concept and idea cant wait to see it done

[Sano]

There are typos here and there but the most striking thing about this is the spacing or lack thereof.
If you want to include paragraphs as part of that problem then that’s fine too.

Each page is just a cluttered wall of text that makes it difficult to read, not even counting the lack of spacing after each comma. The writing is pretty strange too.

“She was the kind of person which only appears in animes.”
I’m not sure what the description was making her out to be besides practically saying ‘Look at her. She’s hot.’

Also, “Woah,she’s the hottest,dang,I am attracted to her and the guy standing over there.”
Topkek.

Right after choosing ‘she’s my type’ I got this error.