Really, who are you?
Where are you taking me?
Missing quotations.
you should mention that these are quotes from the game, you sound like you’re questioning your sanity
"Your ‘stern face’ isn’t what it used to be, you know.
I’m … a friend."
I don’t like the sound of that pause
How do I know that?
Do you have a name?
There’s a sentence break, the first choice is missing punctuation while the other two have them, and all three lack quotations.
“I have a name. When you remember what it is, that’s what you can call me.” Shouldn’t it be when instead of what?
Somewhere you’ll be safe … for the moment. You’ll need to recover yourself for what is to come. Prepare sounds…better, for lack of a better word, than recover.
I liked the demo very much. I have to be honest here I thought the plot was going in a completely different way at first.
So, evil path here? I can’t wait to discover more about the story.
The wyvern has a complicated system of leather and metal straps around its body and neck, with a saddle on its back shaped around its spikes.
Making soothing noises at the wyvern, you grab its harness and pull yourself up into the saddle.
The stranger sits in front of you, settling their cloak around them fussily. “Hold on tight,” they say. “I would hate to go to all this trouble just to have you fall to your death mid-flight.”
At a flick of the rein, the wyvern rears, spreading its wings to their full extent. Then it throws itself forwards, off the edge of the mountain.
Wouldn’t all the its in these paragraphs be it’s because they’re possessive?
EDIT: this sentence too. Just as you’re sure you’re all going to crash into unforgiving stone, the wyvern flaps its wings, sending you upwards in one surge of motion.
“Give me the reins - I know this wyvern can outfly them!”
Have you no magic that will destroy them?
Can your magic hide us?
Last two missing quotations.
it’s = it is/has.
its = it belongs to
e.g it’s cold so it’s wearing its coat.
Just another of the many exceptions to the rules of English
The boy possessive=the boy’s boss=boss’ dragon=dragon’s
Finally the wyvern leaps upwards and you break free from the tree cover, rising again into the sky. You seem to have shaken your pursuit, at least for now.
Should be pursuers.
it’s and its don’t follow that rule. Catches lots of people out. And the forum just popped up a message telling me to not post so much and that I have 27% of the replies
Sucker! I have 32%! Anyone else think I should get a medal?
Your companion doesn’t seem to be enjoying it so much; they’re huddled down in the saddle, clinging tightly to the wyvern’s spine-spikes.
Basically, Obi-Wan, with the Force replaced with useless magic. Also, I enjoyed scaring the stranger when flying the wyvern.
Yes the “Please never do that again” with feeling sold me
The hint of trouble and mischief had me throwing money at the screen so to speak with nothing happening…
After the escape from the swarm, your flight was relatively peaceful, and the mountains gave way to forested hills. Finally you landed on a small hill. The stranger insisted that you had to leave the wyvern to go its own way, which saddened you, especially after it had been so important in helping you escape.
Should be: you had to leave the wyvern so it could go its own way or you had to leave the wyvern to go your own way.
I don’t see anything wrong with the original. It’s perfectly valid as is. Care to expand?
You had to leave the wyvern to go its own way;
Read it over a few times and you’ll find it doesn’t make sense.
A magnificent wyvern, over twice the size of a shire horse. So we are bringing Bilbo into this after all!
It makes perfect sense. I think you’re over-analysing and seeing errors where there are none here.