Hey everyone, this is my first attempt at actually writing out a choice script game. I’ve been fiddling around with sitting down and doing this for quite some time now (I’ve been lurking since it was just Choice of the Dragon and Choice of Broadsides), and I’ve finally decided to just take a leap and do it. Currently I’m a college student, so updates will probably be spread pretty far apart, depending on my workload. Right now, the title is Arcanologist, but that is up to changing in the future. I’m not yet entirely sure what route I want to take this story down, so the plot may change slightly from time to time, but here is the concept:
After your tribe is destroyed by a group of men who lived beyond the Wall, you find yourself enslaved to the leader of that group. This man is an aging arcanologist, one who studies ancient magics and ruins. Due to your nearly perfect memory, you are forced to work as his aide. After nearly six years, an opportunity arises, and you find yourself freed from servitude. The cost? You must study and become a magus in service to the Kingdom. If you do so and prove yourself to the king, you may just earn true freedom. However, great changes are coming in the future, and as prophesized in your youth, you will be in the middle of it all.
It’s not too much so far, but any advice or criticism would be welcome. Also, there is a possible trigger warning due to violence, considering your position as a slave.
Update- I’ve added on a good portion of the ruin exploration. The final scene isn’t finished yet, but you should get to the endgame screen. If you don’t then you’ve probably run into a bug.
Thanks! Like I said, I’m not too sure where I want to take the story as of yet, but I decided that if anything would break my chronic lack of motivation, it would be actually posting this. I’ve got a few ideas floating around my head, and a general idea of the world, but I’m going to be building on it quite a bit throughout the writing process.
What I’m going for right now is sort of a divided world. Man on one side of this massive, continent spanning wall, and creatures of magic and such on the other side. The reason for this wall, as well as how it has effected the various civilizations throughout history, will be revealed throughout the story.
I’m hoping to keep a somewhat regular update schedule, but like I said, college and such. Right now, I have absolutely no intentions of leaving this unfinished.
Thanks for the feedback. It hasn’t been addressed yet, per-say, but you have a minor form of Hyperthymesia. If you’ve ever played Mass Effect, its what the Drell character has. Yours significantly less severe, but still present in your life. Its kind of like, when you make a memory, its associated with something. If someone with Hyperthymesia encounters that something, the associated memory is automatically dragged forth.
As a side note, I don’t have this myself, I’m basing it off of what I’ve seen in the game and what I’ve read, so please feel free to correct any mistakes I have or may have made in regards to the condition.
Ohhh so far this looks really intriguing. I really liked the twist with the tribe and the non-human element, didn’t really see that coming.
One thing I noticed, but this might seriously just be me nit-picking, was the ground-cursed part. Since you later on, in the same paragraph tell us that they’re called horses, you could just use horses from them on, instead of going back to referring to ground-cursed. Or, you can leave the horses part out and just leave us in this tribe mindset where we don’t really know what they’re called still. Again, probably be nit-picking lol.
Thanks for the review. I’ll look back at what a wrote to make sure, maybe I worded it badly. The horses themselves were always known, more or less, as horses to the tribesmen, just, they are rarely encountered on that side of the wall being that they’re non-magical creatures.
What ground-cursed is referring to are the humans. The tribesmen call them such because, even though the two races are very similar in form, humans are “cursed” to only be able to walk the earth, and are unable to fly like the tribesmen are. I’ll see if I can rewrite it to clear things up a bit though.
This is really interesting, I love how this is so far, I also love how mc is not human (especially that mc have wing! Hope mc can fly again, which I don’t really doubt he/she/they would later). I also have questions, can we choose what the mc wing looks like? Are there going to be RO? Are there anyone from mc tribe that survive? Are mc going to meet other slave?
Hey, thanks for pointing those out. I actually noticed the “her” typo not too long ago, and changed it for the next update. I’ll make sure to take care of the others too.
Right now, the Kala’i are based on a sketch I made a little while back the wings are feathered, but the coloration can change based on a couple of factors. If I manage to find that sketch, I’ll post it so you can see the general look of the species.
Right now I’m planning on having a couple of RO’s, but that’s a bit further down the line. I don’t have a set number so far.
The mc never saw another Kala’i after the tribe was destroyed, but you will go beyond the Wall later on, so… maybe???
As for other slaves, its possible to run into one or two later on, but as of this point in time, they are a minor point in the story. In the kingdom, slavery is greatly looked down upon. The only reason that DeCambri isn’t a social outcast among the nobility is his skill and experience with ancient magic. Like I said in one of my earlier posts, the plot isn’t entirely set in stone yet, so the remaining slaves under DeCambri may gain a larger role in the future.
I liked what I saw looking forward to the rest. one thing to keep in mind that maybe you should expand a bit more on the character’s past as of now it can feel a bit disjointed switching perspectives like that.
I added a bit more to the ruin exploration a few hours back. I believe it nearly doubles the total word count as of right now. There are a few typos that were pointed out to me that I haven’t gotten around to fixing yet, but there shouldn’t be any big bugs. If you can’t get to the endgame screen, let me know, because I probably typed a bit of code wrong.
Thanks for the feedback. I was thinking about feeding the mc’s past to the player through snippets of memory in the beginning, and as you reach certain points, large sections of the mc’s past will become available to read in the stats screen through something like a lore button. Right now, I’m just playing around with an idea, and depending on how it turns out later on in the story, I might change things up.
I wouldn’t call that freedom, true or otherwise, that’s just a different and arguably worse form of slavery. Particularly if the study part entails being put in a university or academy where everyone will look down on and despise the mc for being a slave anyway.
My one suggestion at this point would be to make a lore and world appropriate section of names to choose from at the name selection part.
Yes, the pleasures of being a a slave. My main critique of that scene is that I wanted the opportunity for my mc to try and twist away when that Lord is suddenly touching the mc’s shoulders in a display of unwelcome pity.
Very true, but then again, a change in circumstances could be a good thing for the mc. The way you will be treated will be influenced by you, to a degree. Just because you were a slave doesn’t necessarily mean that you will be clothed, addressed, or seen as one once you are working for the kingdom. In fact, I’d say living conditions would go up a good bit. Your memory and experience on the other side of the Wall makes you a valuable cog in the kingdom’s military machine. A cog, still, but a valuable one. I won’t argue that being forced into service can be worse than servitude. At least this way, the mc has a chance to earn their freedom, rather than be bound for life.
I’m planning on adding names to choose from so the player can get a feel for what fits, it just wasn’t my top priority when I was writing up the first version of the demo. That will probably be in the next update, whenever that comes. Also on the list is adding more options to bring out your take on the mc’s personality. That will be a bit slower in coming though.
Could you possibly give me a bit more information on what you’re seeing wrong? I might just be glossing over it. Been up all night studying for a test worth 30% of my grade that’s in two hours. Joys of college life, right?
