Aetherian Spell Academy [wip] Chapter 1-5 available. Chapter 6 in progress (Updated 1/8/18)

modern-fantasy
nonbinary-inclusive
gender-choice

#1


Summary: The governments of Esten and Lahar have suddenly ended their centuries long war against each other, but the reasons why remain elusive. The citizens of both nations are forbidden to inquire about the reasons surrounding the armistice, and the tensions in the continent of Aether remain thick and heavy. You are born in Furze, the second largest metropolis in Lahar. Your parents discovered you are a gifted spellcrafter, and decided that enrolling you at The Spell Academy is a good idea. The bad news is, you’re still too young to attend The Spell Academy! For the moment, you’re enrolled at Kaelich’s School, a humble magic school for young spellcrafters.

Chapter 1-5, https://dashingdon.com/go/1750

Features:

Play as male, female, or nonbinary.

Straight, gay, and bisexual romances.

In-depth character stats

Unique ally system that allows you to summon special allies.

Feedback: In particular, I’m looking for plot-related issues (Is the pace too fast? Is something missing from the plot?), as well as grammar issues (spelling errors, wrong pronouns/ word usage).

Updates:

Chapter 1 uploaded (8/19)

Some pronoun issues with school friend was fixed (8/19)

Extra scene added to introduce your character to school friend (8/20)

A second opportunity to learn dark magic has been opened, even if you didn’t choose darkness in the beginning (8/20)

Chapter 2 uploaded (8/23), First romance introduced.

Accolades, allies, and new titles added (8/23)

Additional encounter with parents added to the beginning of Chapter 2, as well as a field trip to a landmark in Furze (8/25)

Grammar and spelling errors fixed from chapter 2, Explanation regarding demon attack and an interview for the MC has been added (8/27)

Minor grammar errors fixed. Sentence revisions for chapter 2 (8/29)

Grammar fixes and pronouns regarding MC were tweaked. Non-binary gender pronouns have been changed for accuracy. (9/4)

Ch.3 uploaded. Featuring a brand new character that is romeance-able. Explore The Market District in search of an expensive ingredient. (9/6)

Minor grammar issues and strange wording in Ch.3 fixed. (9/7)

Description of Esten and Lahar have been added to Ch.1. Images illustrating their societies have also been added. (9/16)

Detailed descriptions, specifically regarding Furze and Laharian technology and daily appliances, added to Ch.1, 2, and 3. Clothing descriptions, worn by school friends, added to Ch. 1. (9/17)

Erika and Alana’s story have been greatly modified. Jericho and Aron’s story were given slight revisions. Grammar errors and spelling mistakes in Ch. 1 and 3 fixed. (9/24)

Headmaster Kaelich has been renamed as Headmaster Kane. This was done to prevent confusion regarding the school’s name and the headmaster himself (9/24)

Ch.2 bug regarding Alana fixed (9/25)

Minor revisions made to Ray and Aron’s story. (10/1)

Ch. 4 Uploaded! Help Morgana create the promethean. Discover the truth behind Morgana’s past (10/1)

Ch.1,2, and 4 grammar issues fixed. Ch.1 interaction with friend, during Practical Magic class, has been revised. (10/2)

Ch. 4 ending revised. Branching path for suspecting the anonymous texts has been added (10/3)

Chapter 5 uploaded. Finish the fight against the mysterious masked figure (12/22)

Chapter 1 and 5 error fixed (12/23)

Chapter 5 error regarding the dark promethean has been fixed (12/25)

Ch. 1 rewrite complete. Ch. 2 clarifications have been added. Rewrite of Aron in Ch.1 and 2 (1/1)

Bug and grammar errors fixes for Ch.1 and Ch.2 (1/8)

Poll:

(All polls currently closed)

Who is your favorite school friend?

  • Aron
  • Danae
  • Jericho
  • Erika
  • Ray
  • Alana

0 voters

Which school friend do you think needs work?

  • Aron
  • Danae
  • Jericho
  • Erika
  • Ray
  • Alana
  • I think they’re all pretty interesting.

0 voters


#2

one question, isn’t Danae a girl? the game refers to her as ‘they’

This time however, they refused when I tried to teach her a spell but she refused.


#3

thank you for catching that. what part of the game did you encounter this?


#4

So far your work shows promise. Effective establishment of skill set, relationship with another character and even the number one first step writer skill of lore establishment. I am sure the story will increase in complexity and entertainment.


#5

this @Karlan
20 characters

and this

Summary

(With their other hand, they casted a spell with a faint shimmer of light)
(and you couldn’t help but smile when they succeeded.)


#6

Thank you, it should be fixed now.


#7

I found a new problem. When I go to check the stats screem and then return to the game it sends me back to the begining.


#8

It must be because I updated the game to fix the pronoun issues you listed. I just updated it to fix the problems with most of the pronouns, which must have forced you to go back to the beginning. Sorry for not giving a heads-up.


#9

An error message seems to pop up when the MC tries healing their friend after they’ve been drained from demonstrating their abilities.


#10

don’t worry about it!
I will keep looking for errors and then I will post them in the thread.


#11

Thank you, it was a simple indent error. It’s been fixed.


#12

@Karlan
What I found

  • Although, they were dischraged several years before the armistice.

discharged

  • However, whhen you first walked on campus you were thoroughly unimpressed.

When

  • Aron was surprised by your actions. They asked you,

I thought Aron is male?

  • Many students regarded each other with cuthroat attitudes, despite their young age.

cutthroat


Will report if find again


#13

You’re welcome. I’m here for whether you need help with error checks, story ideas or anything else you may need.


#14

Thank you, most of the pronouns have been corrected. Your game may have restarted if you were in the middle of it.


#15

I’ve updated the game once more to eliminate some grammar issues and another indent error. If you find anymore issues with chapter 1 feel free to post them, I greatly appreciate the help.


#16

I like how this go so far, the pace is fine to me. Also this kinda remind me of “Life Of Wizard”. My question is, are there going to be more status? Are mc friend always be friend along the game?


#17

I’ve noticed that all current darkness advancing choices needs level one darkness or more, yet the only way to get any darkness currently is by choosing the ‘correct’ family background. Do you have something in particular planned for a dark magic inclined MC?

Not that I’m complaining, mind you, after all, dark magic is best magic.


#18

Looks like you’re using mygame for your save name; I’d suggest changing it to avoid overlap with other games. (e.g. *sm_init spellacademy | 5).

Both the initial and cover images are CC0, so it’s perfectly okay to use here, to my knowledge, but I do wonder if you would prefer to use something more unique.

The continent of Aether was always strife with war.

Strife is a noun; you really need a verb here.

Is this magic vs technology? It can work, but it can also feel a little forced (why can’t people use both, for example?)

To top it off, your parents were the type of people to get their way.

I’d suggest something like “…the type of people who found it easy to get their way.”

Your first year at Kaelich’s began when you were already 10 years old.

I’d suggest leaving out “already”.

You met Ray in your first year at Kaelich’s, Kael’s for short. During Practical Magic class, he struggled to conjure fire. You approached him and showed him how to do it.

Ray was surprised by your actions, he asked you, “Why did you teach me how to do that? Aren’t you competing to enroll in The Spell Academy?”

I’d suggest making the initial meeting scene longer and more in depth. One thing you could do is to put the MC in a classroom with all six potential friends, and let them talk to the others (or at least look around) before deciding who to help.

It seemed as though your professors hold your skills in high regard. In particular, you were well-known for…

  • I was a talented martial artist. My teachers were impressed by my knowledge of practical combat (Requires Combat level 6 or higher).
  • I was the most agile speed runner on Kael’s track team. My fellow students were in awe of my agility (Requires Swiftness level 6 or higher).
  • I was the most capable wielder of Creation magic at Kael’s. My ability to fuse objects and repair broken creations were held in high regards (Requires Creation level 15 or higher).
  • I was well-known for being a gifted healer. My ability to mend wounds was valued by the school nurse, in particular (Requires Healing level 20 or higher).
  • Actually, I was known as a jack-of-all-trades. Though I wasn’t gifted in one particular discipline, I was capable of using all forms of spellcraft effectively.
  • The students whispered that I had the ability to wield forbidden magic. No one ever had proof, but I was regarded with fear due to the rumors (Requires Darkness level 1 or higher).
  • I was well-known for my control over conjuration. I was talented in summoning elementals and using the forces of nature (Requires Conjuration level 10 or higher).

I should note that I’m a little worried by this. This seems to be heading towards a very stat-heavy game, in which stats must be raised perfectly in order to read the story. If this is the case, I’d suggest making the stats less important to the overall plot. Sure, use them to shape the story, but they shouldn’t cut people off from it. Admittedly, you do have a “generalist” choice, which is good, but I do worry that that could end up as the “bad” route in later chapters.

(Spellcraft +5, Healing +5, Creation +5, Conjuration +5)

Looking at the stat screen, it looks like these have only risen by 3 each, not 5.

“All your hardwork paid off!”

Should be “hard work”.

Anyway, it looks like a good start, and I’m interested in seeing where it goes next. :smile: Good luck with the game!


#19

Altought i love the story so far it feels a little rushed, so i advise you to add some events (unless you rush it because you want to get to the real story, but still a little more character developement.


#20

Well, there’s an anime called Little Witch Academia that has kind of the same matter. Non-witches believe that magic is useless nowadays because technology is strong enough to help humanity, even more than magic. But the witches still resisting, as there are things that tech can’t do and is a gift and a tradition, after all.
In my vision, tech is next to useless when there’s magic, but not if there are people that can’t use magic… So…
But I don’t know what the reasons for this in this game are, just saying that is not THAT absurd lol