Welp, it’s that time again 
I really really really loved how this chapter turned out. I’m not American but I’d vote me in some good fucking Marcus Gloria. MUCH better than the fat bastard asshat who got kicked tf out. (Can we swear like this in Cog lol?) Having been one of the few people who knew of Ignis’ doomed romance I’m surprised you decided to tell the fandom. To be honest I was hoping you wouldn’t 
I’ve decided to do this review a little differently. I’ll break them into Characters, give you my thoughts and opinions about them and anything I picked up. Things I liked overall will proceed then to tame your ego I’ll go over the errors I’ve found to conclusively tie it all together in a rebuttal and theories. This took several hours; enjoy!
Aki:
First and foremost since when did Aki become cute as shit? I did her play through first and couldn’t help but grin throughout the whole thing. The whole “You have a death wish” being a continuous phrase by Lat makes it all the more humorous as my MC avoids becoming another broken body to Forlorn’s kill count. I really fuck with her innocence and her desire to ‘explore’ romance but is trapped between Forlorn and her parents and her lack of friends due to confidence and schedule issues.
When questioned about Forlorn and their relationship, she seemed troubled; evasive really. Is her past or relationship with Forlorn so unnatural or toxic that even though she knows he means well, she’s embarrassed of him? She’s European and Forlorn being an American so there goes my ‘Forlorn is her uncle’ theory but I’m more inclined to believe they are cousins (distant cousins even) and he’s been tasked to take care of her from this side of the world.
I feel like some of the characters were walking plot devices to try and drill in some form of a message to the player and Aki’s was “Human’s are complex”. Philosophy aside, I believe this relates a lot more closely to many of the characters at first glance; ie. Ignis, Seeker, Forlorn, The MC (potentially), Aki herself, and The Broken King. I could honestly write essays to explain each individually but I’d like to focus on the Broken King. Specifically, so far all we know is “The Blitz Queen is dead, Simp King gets depressed and tries to find a way to bring her back.” But I’d be lying if I didn’t feel like there was more to his character. Perhaps another motive, maybe a new minor objective to complete his main one? I don’t know for certain but those were what clicked in my head as I read it.
Aki as a side character in the Lat plot is super good too. The 1 feature I believe she has is that, whether as an RO or friend; she’s always an interesting character. You can’t go wrong with Aki. The same works with the other characters just to a lesser degree.
There’s a lot of symbolism when it comes to names. Many of which I’ll address later, (honestly props to you for the extra effort) but I liked how sweet ‘Second Hope’ sounds like. Sure it only works if you spell it out but 
“WE DO NOT CARE” I am also 110% sure they will be a point in this book or the next where she is put in a situation where she’ll be the only hope or a very vital player. Hell, I’m willing to bet my left lung, Forlorn might even be impressed.
Overall I recommend the Ignis Simps who want to jump ship, go over to Aki. 100% would lock lips with again, too bad she’s just code and text. (What are the odds Forlorn kills the MC as he sleeps?)
Marcus Gloria:
I have no idea what the American Anthem sounds like but something about Mr. Gloria just makes me burst out and recite the full thing while unloading a GPMG. Needless to say, he’s a future villain. I hate to be this guy but I got the whole ‘I’m a good guy, but I’m not’ vibes from him very early on. He seems to be attempting to play to the Team’s favour by discrediting their main ‘opposition’ while being a pretty nice stand-up guy. I feel like Lat is very very correct when she says,
Gloria looks fine on paper, and, you know, he gave us a free day, so that part’s great, but that’s as a boss, not a president. Who knows if he’ll be good?
Legit I hope the Team isn’t put into a place where their interests conflict with Mr. Goddamn-Gloria but like you mentioned in a discord server; Gloria translates to Glory and if its 1 thing besides his personality I can take away from him, it’s that untamed ambition that makes me believe he’ll attempt to enact a policy or agenda that will give him an untold amount of prestige for generations to come.
I’d definitely love to see more of President Gloria (If it wasn’t obvious), too bad he wasn’t covered in sus. He did party up with Stratton after all. I doubt their beliefs are the exact same, but they must have seen some form of compromise between themselves if they could run as partners.
This leads me to wonder about his policy for and/or against superpowered individuals. I have a few theories below relating to him.
Forlorn:
There isn’t much to say about the main man, but rest assured I have some thoughts I’d like to share. It seems like there’s some real shit going on when it comes to Forlorn and relationships. He’s a 6ft muscular watchtower to Aki, his parents seem to be a ‘Do Not Discuss’ Zone, and the team is cordial as long as no one decides to get toooo close with Aki.
I’m calling it now, his parents are veterans or former Supers that got some clout and instilled in Forlorn some American Values which is why he is very harsh on Stratton in Chapter 4. Furthermore, the way he quickly ends both times his parents can be brought up rather quickly says a few things about his past. He’s either ashamed of something, wants to forget something or had a ‘bad’ past in general. It may be why he’s so strict with Aki (He wants her to be on his sigma-male grindset 
).
Lastly, I RO-ed Aki and was, in fact, coming directly from smooching session only for Forlorn to not even reference, Aki, layout some threats, know what my MC’s intentions were, briefly remind my MC how quickly bones snap under his grip, Where my MC was coming from, and a last deathly reminder he knows where my MC sleeps. Can’t say I wasn’t slightly disappointed but I know you’ve been hardworking for several fucking weeks. I didn’t let it ruin my overall playthrough of the game and kept the ball rolling.
Also, I searched up what Forlorn meant to be ‘ahead of the game’, and… does Brodie need a hug lmao? I didn’t find much of a message behind his text except this
“I guess that makes sense. There’s not many people on our level as far as strength goes, so I guess it isn’t that serviceable.”
“Pretty much,” Forlorn says. “Though you shouldn’t get too cocky about your strength.”
I’m guessing my MC should invest in the Smarts stat. I’ve legit haven’t tried any other stat as my main one. Hopefully, you won’t punish my Grug MC, Almighty Benevolent Juan
Ignis:
Oh boy. When you told me it was a doomed romance and I should count the red flags in the tiny excerpt you let me preview; after more or less failing I counted a few red flags that no one brought up yet. Playing through them again was, sad. I did notice a bit of them and honestly believed we were headed down the good ol’ love triangle route. Like my fellow simps, I would’ve rather 100% preferred that path; hell, I would’ve taken any alternative.
But even then, besides nagging and stomping our feet it isn’t our place to do anymore and I respect your decision 100%; No one can claim to know the characters better than you.
Anyways, with meta knowledge, the path felt nearly ruined. I honestly couldn’t fair go into it without over analyzing any and every dialogue with Seeker. “Best gal”, the ‘wink’, I don’t want to sound like a defeatist but the MC really lost before it even started. As a hopeless romantic IRL, it was stupidly easy to guess this ship was headed for dangerous waters.
Seething aside Forlorn’s a fucking comedian. We need more scenes of him. Also, I’m interested to see what you told me privately, being implemented. Getting further into the game, I like Ignis’ forward nature. Definitely a stark contrast to before, I’m glad the MC didn’t keep quiet about it. On the topic of Mr. Gloria, Ignis’s thoughts are much similar to my own. He’s great and all but he’s working under Stratton’s administration, there’s more to him for sure.
Something I’m now noticing (I’m playing, replaying writing as I go along), Everyone of your characters thus far has some shit going on. Or specifically a past part of themselves they want to change, erase, or forget; it depends on the character. So I have to give you props for the realism, granted the ‘Rich Person with Family Issues’ trope is hardly new, I like how every character is a bit more than tropes and cliches.
Ayo bro, I almost wanted to mod the WIP and make “cope and seethe” an option after her little rant lmao. Also, I’ve stayed up till like 5 am with my ‘friend’ does this mean there’s hope? 
On a more serious note, if I went into this passage blind, a small part of me would’ve wanted to jump ship. I really like how well you encapture how upset and lost she is but imagine saying, that, all that, to someone interested in you. I felt bad for my MC fr fr.
Also, Seeker did WHAT? to WHAT? because she was overly nice to Aki??? 
Make a telenovela someday, I’ll binge that shit.
Doing a lot of things, which I don’t want to share right now, but I promise we can talk about later. All that matters is that Seeker helped me out of it, even when I really didn’t deserve it, and I owe him for it. But it’s not something friends do."
Let me know if I’m wrong but I feel like due to her lack of real friends until later in her life; her vision of what a friend would do is skewered. Unless they participated in other recovery activities, none of which come to mind, I’m dumbfounded as to what Seeker did. Aki really hit the nail on the head with “Humans are complex.”
I searched up the meaning of Ignis and Ignis Fatuus was what was autocorrected and the direct translation checks out: ‘Foolish Fire’. Still going down with my ship. Ignis Supremacy >>> This way we’re foolish together 
Seeker:
“That’s it?” ~ Me, wondering where the rest of his tension was. I mean shit, Seeker doesn’t strike me as the guy would be a petty baby bitch about everything but I just went to a Hot Spring with Ignis, which he would 100% know about, and he only throws a side-eye glance? And that’s only after his old friend presses him.
I’m not as disappointed at all though because he may have gotten everything he wanted the MC to know off his chest in Chapter 3: ‘She’s my friend, don’t mess around, I’m not kidding.’ However, I did wish for some more ‘angst’ but kicking a downed dog is hardly fair.
Not gonna lie, his friend and backstory were a little meh to me. Don’t get me wrong his friend seemed great, and their dynamic was well-written but I feel like we got fewer answers than I would’ve hoped for.
The only things I really liked as far as anything goes is, his views on the Broken King are a direct contrast to what some would consider ‘his rival’. I want to see how the team’s differing views collide in upcoming chapters. And secondly, how tf did he know his swords were being tampered with? 
I would love to say more but, there isn’t much else that’s worth an explanation.
Nova:
I’ve never played a Nova RO MC before so I was walking in blind. Turns out, he’s not too bad. I like his dynamic with Mars the most tbh. The car ride as they’re just fucking around made me laugh quite a bit.
Congrats to Nova for being like 1 of the 2 characters more-less open about themselves. Besides his strained relationship with his parents. He seems like an actual open book, someone willing to share and give out some info.
In all honesty, I didn’t really like the romance all that well. It was by no means bad (I’d say so if it were the case) but it just wasn’t for me. I don’t know what can give this romance some ‘umph’ for me to actually want to invest a lot more time into it but unfortunately, I can’t say too much for Nova. He seems better as a friend than a boyfriend.
Mars:
First time playing Mars and I wanna give him a hug 
. Not gonna lie, I sort of saw the whole, ‘I’m like you guys but I’m not’ coming from a mile away. The romance is really sweet, and unlike a certain character I didn’t feel like they were saying x, meant y, but felt like z.
Again I like the effort you put into with the names, if the whole plot is like this then I really cannot wait to read it all. For Mars specifically, I think I’d place him just above Lat and below Aki in terms of romance right now but in terms of potential, this would be #1. I feel like at some point Mars is going to quit is job and work for the league proper or work a lot more closely to the league.
I wonder why he’s so pushy. The MC can literally be like “Yo you ain’t alone bro, we are somewhat alike” but Mars tolerates like none of it and btfo of the MC. I mean damn bro, if you wanna be edgy just say that loool. He’s fun and I bet my other lung the payoff in his character growth will be just as impressive as Aki’s.
I do wish he told the MC more about his past but I’m guessing, the in lore reason is you don’t tell your new date exactly how you land a prestigious job on the first date no less.
His thought process is similar to Seeker’s which I found odd. I was under the impression he would hunt down any and all traces (no matter how small the lead may be) because he couldn’t risk another attack on the President or capital.
Final thoughts on Mars are the following: I pity the dude almost. His powers can’t be turned off, he’s always on the job, his boss sucks and his ‘friends’ don’t often meet up with him. Although he’s sweet he would be my favourite character. Marcus Gloria has appeared less than he has and has encaptured me tightly. Unless he does ‘more’ or takes on a bigger role I don’t see him improving anywhere except in the romance aspect.
Lat:
I was lowkey planning on friend-zoning Lat and never touching her romance but an anonymous source told me it was a comedy fest so here I am. Fuck. The ‘Pals with Goals’ scene in both Aki RO and Lat RO versions had me rolling. Aki either trying to make sure she wasn’t being played with or Lat trying to hit if off right then and there.
Which begs the question, if the MC and Lat already both like each other, why haven’t they tried things out until now? I found it slightly immersion-breaking once I started pondering it but oh well.
“Then get on the bed.”
Now… I’ve rejected the horny… I swear… but maybe Lat is the best RO
On a semi more serious note: “Worthy Mistake” Jesus Christ, If I ever have a kid randomly I’m stealing that. I’m certain we all know how Lat was conceived. Funny as shit not gonna lie, but her logic is weird. She seems to believe that because of nothing being found then there’s definitely something sus going on proving the Broken King’s existence. However, I’d staunchly disagree. In 1000 plus years eventually, things become lost to time, and the way BK is portrayed he gave up literally everything looking for a cure. Yet turned up with nothing, his people who revere him are eventually
going to lose faith in his existence or turn him into some folklore that can also be so diluted with time and cultures it eventually loses all semblance to its original virtues.
That isn’t her only ‘oopsie’ in the logic department. How does “Hey if Lat is a very rare name, no one will know it’s mean” guarantee her identity’s safety? Wouldn’t that mean the few people who do know her by name can now be suspicious of her?
I’m inclined to believe she eventually gets fucked over and has her identity lost to the public at some point due to carelessness and the MC will be there to comfort her.
What I liked:
The romances 100%; I haven’t been this engaged in ROs for a long time. Keep this shit coming and I promise you, ur going to be writing straight gold one day. I cannot overstate some of those scenes.
The whole names and hidden messages shows the effort you put behind the project as well. This chapter was a treat to keep things short (albeit it’s a lil late for that). I hope next chapter focuses more on the plot and maybe we find out more about the BK.
Rip Juan’s Ego 2021:
Believe it or not, I only have 1 complaint. It came out late I can tell you wrote some bits late at night or while you were tired. Some sentences looked unfinished or incomplete. Just below this I’ll put a few screenshots of things you should correct upon.
There was something I did pick up on though. In earlier chapters choices disappeared as the player selected them. In chapter 4, they stayed greyed out and in some cases could lead to loops due to not being greyed out at all. Some examples include;
- First and 2nd last Aki question (in the teddy bear room) did not grey out.
- First Mars option (Sitting down) did not grey out.
Errors
capitalize the ‘i’
‘DIrector’ → ‘Director’ (btw was this on purpose? I have several of these types of 'errors but with how consistent they are, I was afraid they might not be. Let me know and I’ll include them all)
The quotation marks here tripped me up.
it should be herself not himself
(another example of the capitalized I) AND fix the “Yes, he are,”
Quick Questions/Last Thoughts (pre-rebuttal):
- Why are the estranged parents more accepting of the hero’s life than loving parents?
- I feel like allowing ghost MC to be willed in whenever the MC needs him may create an additional problem for you as some players may think they’d need him in a certain instance but not find the option to do so. So will you then create the option to have him ‘summoned’ in nearly every fight or major battle?
- I feel like when Aki, Lat, and the MC are going to the Mall; Lat should mention “You have a death wish” it’s kind of her trademark slogan whenever Forlorn is ready to rip off an arm yet she didn’t say her line.
- Can the MC choose to reveal their identity and if they’re an orphan can they use their life as a poster-boy example of ‘beginnings don’t matter’ or ‘your past doesn’t define you’ something cliche since you’re clearly an expert
Rebuttal:
Overall I’d give chapter 4 a solid 8/10. It would be a 10 but Ignis got me unironically upset and made me literally seethe, then Nova’s RO didn’t stir well with me so both evidently lowered my final thoughts overall. Any immersion loss wasn’t factored in due to me overanalyzing anything and everything. I was constantly trying to read between the lines and catch up on potential fore-shadowing. (I mean in the case of Ignis I think I fulfilled my daily sodium intake. I cannot stress how much I’ve physically aged)
Anywho, I hope I brought in something useful and it wasn’t just a long ramble about Ignis. Keep up the good work, I can’t wait until the next time!
