I noticed that with MC that uses they/them pronouns, the others still use “has” and conjugate like with third person pronouns, but it still should be like how you usually conjugate they (so, for example: they have/they eat instead of they has/they eats). The only time I’ve seen that it changes to singular is that one should use themself, instead of themselves and, obviously, when using their actual name.
I think something that could help the text walls is if we could choose how the MC reacts and feels during certain scenes.
For example, when introduced to the characters, we could choose if we’re extroverted, shy, rude, etc. or how is the relationship between MC and characters they already know, because that was a little bit confusing (like, Lat didn’t wake MC up for their class, but she went back for her when the earthquake started?). Another example, there was this other scene where Lat says MC never holds grudges and I think that doesn’t live much room to customize their personality.
I think it is important how MC approaches people, especially the ROs, but the story seems very interesting so far!
You’re absolutely right in regards to the they/them thing, it’s something I didn’t exactly know how to solve when I first began working on the story, and I agokized quite a bit on how to make it work. But a quick look through the wiki led me to the Multireplace function, which I’ve begun to implement as I work on Chapter 4. When the update drops (for reference, I’m more or less 30k~ words in by now on it), there should be zero cases of “they speaks/they eats/etc” spread around.
On your second point, you’re generally right, and I’ve been working on adding a couple choices for the MC to say how they feel (especially in regards to a certain Ignis scene, which had me pulling my hair out for a couple days 
), allowing for the MC to feel less like a passenger and more like an actual actor of the story. But…
This bit, specifically, is on purpose. Lat has a… rather loose definition of boundaries, and she tends to make a lot of assumptions regarding the MC, which aren’t always right, and just generally believes you’ll be okay with anything she does or says. Notice, if you will, how she tends to just pop herself into your mind and read what you’re thinking without asking for any sort of permission.
Reminding Latooni that even the closest of pals (or couples, if she has anything to say about it you decide to go that route) deserve/need their own space, or have their own opinions on things, is more or less one of the main issues that I want the player to deal with in regards to her, much like Ignis’s… not quite depression, but definitely dark thoughts/relationship with Seeker and Aki’s crippling shyness/inability to stand up to Forlorn in regards to your budding romance are meant to be the issues you’ll have to deal with if you decide to go with them.
I just reread the demo and I came to the conclusion that the mc doesn’t have superpowers and is just a Saiyan; it just makes sense, we have flight, super strength, energy projection, what seems to be combat adaptation/constant growth, and a thirst for combat and growing stronger. All traits of the strongest warrior race.
Why, that’s certainly a wild idea haha, can you imagine? I certainly couldn’t! That’s not what I’m going for, no sir, haha. Next you’ll tell me Forlorn is a made you click >;) stand in!
More seriously, DB used to be one of my favoriye childhood shows, so I’m honored by the comparison.
Can we be bad?
I’m afraid not. The League, and the MC, as part of it, is undoubtably on the side of good. Your reasons for being “good” can vary, of course (going from just being an out and out blood knight to not wanting a centuries-dead legend to kill you), but the player will always end up fighting to protect himself and others.
The most “evil” thing that will be allowed is how, ah, extreme, the player can be while fighting others, as you can already begin to see in Chapter 3, but, as some people can rightly argue, “good” is not always “gentle”.
TBH I don’t mean no disrespect but I don’t see a reason of Lat being apart of this story because she doesn’t feel as important as the other characters.
Well, I definitely don’t want any characters to feel as if they’re irrelevant or unnecessary to the plot at large, so if Lat’s presence is indeed something that you guys feel is unneeded or over-the-top, I’m open to a possible re-write/addition of scenes with her, but Lat’s definitely a character that I’ve spent quite a bit of time working on and weaving into the plot.
She may seem less interesting than Forlorn or Seeker, but that’s partly on purpose. Lat’s importance to the plot is directly on the same level’s as the MC, and I can’t exactly explain why without spoiling some of the late-game reveals, but I assure you Latooni Kitamura is definitely someone meant to be in the story, and her contributions are going to be huge, not only in terms of character interactions and the like, but also on other, more… survival centric areas.
After all, that *lat_ready variable in the code will have to come up eventually…
I do find her to be quite annoying, but then you know me and I never was a big fan of the whole bubbly girl thing, makes my teeth ache.
I do think you’re doing a really solid job in your first writing outing around here jjcb.
Now about the fictional US politics, yes, the current president is a mean spirited buffoon who clearly has it out for the mc and yet I cannot help but be more weary of Senator Maxwell as this sounds really ominous to me:
Maxwell went even further and stated that, in the case he wins the presidency, he will strive to create a more tight-knit relationship between the government and the League!" 
So, insofar as it remains relevant to the story I hope governor Maia wins, but if not I think my mc might actually prefer to learn to suffer through another term of the incumbent rather than being turned into Maxwell’s personal lackey.
Oh, also on the sad that Seeker isn’t an RO bandwagon myself, but then I suppose his overly complicated code would prevent it.
Thank you for the compliments, Idont, I really appreciate them! 
I’m glad someone noticed the small comment on Maxwell’s “collaboration”, as that’s something that’ll get expanded on as the story progresses forward. By most countries’ standards, the League is a very independent force, and not everyone is content with leaving things like that.
The player will actually get to meet a member of Stratton’s cabinet in Chapter 4, and I’m looking forward quite a lot to what people will think of them.
Well, his code, among other things. This hasn’t been mentioned in-story, but a couple of characters have caught onto the fact that Seeker is (or at least presents himself as) grey-ace.
There will actually be a segment in Chapter 4 (I’m actually writing it right now, it’s near the end of the chapter) where you get to have an actual conversation with Seeker, which will have lots of hints, not all of them verbal, on what exactly his whole deal is.
Sorry to bother you with some questions. You’re probably very busy.
But I want to ask does the League have any moral code, like no killing or something along lines?
And also does every just do their superheroes stuff in civilian clothes, I don’t see anyone mentioning have to put on a uniform or anything (except for Nova but he is a different case)?
Anyway thanks in advance and sorry to bother you, again.
Heya, no, don’t worry about asking questions, I really enjoy them! Thank you for taking an interest in my game! 
As for your questions…
Not quite, no. Normally, they’d be expected to capture villains and etc alive, but the government is aware that trying to subdue someone that can lift buildings and the like can be hard, and end up causing more damage, so they give a lot of leeway for the League to “end” a threat.
Ironically, the one with the closest thing to a moral code is Seeker, and yet he’s the one with the highest kill count of the group. If you wanted a ranking, it probably goes:
Seeker
Forlorn
Ignis
Nova
Aki
For a given definition of “civilian clothes”, yeah. The main purpose of costumes is normally to hide your identity and offer extra protection, but the League collars take care of the first, and, as mentioned in Chapter 2, Nova modifies the clothes of all members, making them a lot more resilient and protective.
It’s mostly a result of super powered people being just a facet of life on Earth, most people aren’t directly prejudiced against Powereds, so it’s not really something you have to hide.
Yo I’m getting pretty flippin sick of Lat answering for me and it’s making me suspicious 
Well not for long lol (depends on if you allow the MC to kill or not)
Yeah, uh, about that… haha.
I’m thinking there’ll definitely be a chance to kill, probably enough to outpace Ignis, but, uh, matching up to Forlorn or Seeker… Even with what’s coming at the end-game, I don’t see it happening.
Yeah, it can be annoying at times. Although, at times, even if that was of more use in his old life as an average college student. But at many parties I imagine my mc didn’t like to talk all that much and whenever he went with Lat her ability to talk for the both of them probably meant others barely noticed if all my mc did was occasionally smile and nod.
That said, if this story does get a second pass maybe for introverted types, like my mc, more fake choices to at least express the mc’s own thoughts could be added and more extroverted mc’s probably could do with a couple more chances to speak up and/or draw attention to themselves on purpose.
Damn, what type of college students are at Giga 
They see two superhumans come flying out of a building and then begin to shoot and chase them down like a medieval mob?
So @Jjcb few questions
- Has there been any cases besides MC or Lat, where powers manifested late?
- Who manufactured the Wing? Does League have trusted vendors from whom they get technological materials?
- Is the Mansion powered by some self sustaining source of energy? if not won’t it be easy to know mansion’s location as all anyone has to do is track where in middle of nowhere insane amount of electricity is being routed.
- In some profiles ‘Right of Inducement’ is mentioned, is that a different thing than ‘Right of Enrollment’ or is it a mistake?
- Have you decided specifics of ‘Defense Against Superpowered Threats Act’ and ‘Powered Control Act’?
- In a lot of cases Wing is written as
'Wingis that intentional or should it be'Wing'? - Also does Olympics exist in this Universe, if so are there rules against superpowered joining or they just compete against other superpowered?
- Do League members draw a salary?
- Are superpowered’s children always superpowered?
- What is the ratio of Super powered to non super powered people?
- Is Crete still a center of commerce and trade?
- Who rules Crete now?
A few Missing/Misplaced Words, Apostrophes and such
- In chap1.txt line 154,
Anyway,"should be"Anyway,"Missing quotation mark. - In chap1.txt line 579, this
"I'm finding it hard as balls, is what," complains Lat. "Seriously, how fast can you actually go?"
should be"I'm finding it hard as balls, is what it is," complains Lat. "Seriously, how fast can you actually go?"
asis whatshould beis what it is - In chap1.txt line 765, this
'What do you say we test it out, see what we're working with?"
should be"What do you say we test it out, see what we're working with?"
Apostrophe should be quotation mark. - In chap1.txt line 865, this
"What do you mean, 'We're going to discuss this topic'? asks Lat, the wheels in her head turning.
should be"What do you mean, 'We're going to discuss this topic'?" asks Lat, the wheels in her head turning.Missing Quotation Mark. - In chap2.txt line 1134, this
"What are we going to do in Washington? Are we going to the Pentagon? Oh! Is it the White House? Wait, no, Stratton hates us. Wait, what about Congress? You were meeting with some senators a while ago. Are [i]we[/i] gonna meet some senators!?
should be"What are we going to do in Washington? Are we going to the Pentagon? Oh! Is it the White House? Wait, no, Stratton hates us. Wait, what about Congress? You were meeting with some senators a while ago. Are [i]we[/i] gonna meet some senators!?"Missing Quotation mark. - In chap2.txt line 1437,
DarK Starshould beDark Star. Capitalized K is wrong. - In chap3.txt line 499,
'So, this is gonna be very simple!"should be"So, this is gonna be very simple!"Apostrophe should be quotation mark. - In chap3.txt line 686,
RIghtshould beRightCapitalizedIis wrong. - In chap3.txt line 1116,
'Sit down? No, no, no, what I need is the truth!"should be"Sit down? No, no, no, what I need is the truth!"Apostrophe should be quotation mark.
Suggestions
- In Choicescript stats, in hero profiles, for all profiles.
This:
Powers: Superstrength, Flight, Heat Vision.
Real Name: ????
Age: 26 (Self-claimed).
Residence: The Mansion.
Has he used his Right of Enrollment: Yes.
Should be:
Powers: Superstrength, Flight, Heat Vision.
*line_break
Real Name: ????
*line_break
Age: 26 (Self-claimed).
*line_break
Residence: The Mansion.
*line_break
Has he used his Right of Enrollment: Yes.
*line_break
So that different information is on different lines.
Also crazy Seeker theory, each Seeker is a reincarnation, and he is searching for the tomb of first Seeker to prevent it from falling in the wrong hands.
Let us not forget that location of lot of Tombs/Burial places were lost irl.
Also searching for a tomb would explain why he need help of archeologists and historians
There is a rather significant hole in that theory; a stationary object would have been found eventually, given enough decades/research.
The story also has dialog that confirms Nova made the wing. It might be tucked behind a choice that the reader can miss (been a while since I last played), but that’s how I know it, iirc.
As far as it’s known, no. Powers developing in your 20s is practically unheard of, and it’s a… well, let’s say, “commonly-believed” theory that the earlier your powers appear, the stronger they’ll be. Ignis got hers at 7, and Seeker’s had his since he was 5 (or perhaps even earlier though 5 is the earliest memory he has of using them), while Nova got his at 13. The fact that you got your powers so late and are still this strong is actually a huge anomaly.
As @AdmiralLynx89 said, Nova was the one that designed and did a lot of the work creating the Wing. If you go to the library in Chapter 3 with him, he can mention he wants to add a couple functions to it, like giving it cloaking technology to make it invisible.
The materials and work-force were provided by a couple of government contractors, including the Coltellos, but the design is entirely Nova’s.
Yes. Well, kinda. It uses hidden solar panels, alongside a couple of gas-powered generators to make up demand when it’s too snowy and the like. And if either of those things are not enough, Nova’s set up a motion-charged generator that any of the top members can charge up with some physical activity.
Ah, that’s a mistake, yes. Originally I had it written as Right of Inducement, but I felt that looked a bit too… conscript-y, so I changed it for ‘Enrollment’. I’ll fix that right up.
There aren’t complete specifics, but the DASTA basically allows lethal force as first response, alongside creating a direct fund for all states to use to repair infrastructure, and government-funded care in case of wounds sustained during an attack.
It looks pretty sweet on paper, but as Nova mentions, it also allows the government carte-blanche to try and ‘see under the hood’ of the captured villains, which means human experimentation is still well and alive in this world.
The PCA is a bit less defined, but it turns the League from an autonomous response force into a direct government controlled task force, subservient to all its directives. So, for a RL example, take the Iranian general Trump killed at the start of 2020. If this Act was passed, Forlorn could have been ordered to throw the man’s car into the sea, and be threatened with legal repercussions if he refused.
I should note, though, that despite Stratton’s posturing, the PCA passing is pretty much a pipe-dream. The government, on all levels, knows neither Forlorn nor Seeker would ever submit to a team like that, which means the likelihood of them dipping out of the US and going to a different nation to work with, or becoming unaffiliated is pretty high, something no one is keen to see happen. That’d be the League losing 2/3rds of its top-level force, and that’s not accounting for the fact that where Forlorn goes, Aki will always follow, which means 3 out of 7 members would be gone.
So unless something truly monumental were to happen, and anti-power sentiment skyrocketed to levels never seen before, the PCA will remain stuck on Stratton’s desk.
… No, this isn’t foreshadowing anything, don’t look at me like that.
It’s intentional. The 'Wing isn’t its full name, so the team tends to abbreviate it. The name will come up eventually, I’m just getting more familiarized with Air Force jargon before I put it out to avoid looking like I’m talking out of my ass or be unintentionally offensive.
The Olympics exist, yes. They’re a tad more regulated than in real life, because a power like ‘can hold their breath for half an hour’ is a lot less noticeable, and would still grant a pretty large advantage.
And superpowered divisions… don’t quite exist, because the wildly different abilities means it’s hard to get a level playing field, but some countries (the Dominican Republic, for example, if you’ll allow me a cameo) do have competitions, though those serve less as entertainment and more as a way to ascertain the tiers of power their ‘defenders’ operate at.
Yes, they do. In fact, every League member makes almost as much as the US President. They all use it in different ways, obviously. Seeker and Ignis, with some slight savings for expenses, donate most of theirs to charity, Forlorn has saved up his and bought a lot of land in the countryside, Aki’s is just building up interest in a bank account (with the small withdrawal every month for a couple new stuffed animals, or new records of her favorite bands). Nova does… something with his, which you’ll learn about eventually.
The MC and Lat, naturally, are also paid. But as ‘probationary’ members, your salary has been held in-trust by the team’s finance manager (read: Ignis). By the events of Chapter 4, you are definitely a standard member, but things have been hectic enough that no one has been able to sit down and have a talk with you about it. Eventually, I’ll offer a choice where you can decide what you’d like to do with it, but not quite yet.
No answer, at least for now. I have arguments both for and against, and I haven’t decided which way I lean yet, and children aren’t going to be really… well, relevant in the story, so I haven’t put too much thought into it.
I think I’ve mentioned this higher up in the thread, but it’s tentatively 500,000 normals to 1 Supes.
Don’t take it as gospel though, I may end up increasing or lowering it depending on how the endgame forces end up looking.
Yep. Crete has developed into something of a merchant nation, owed to the fact it never had the ability to expand through force of arms after the Queen died and the King dipped (not that the Queen was ever interested in doing so), which meant it had to lean into its other power as a great meeting point for the nations of the Mediterranean.
Imagine it to be the Switzerland of its area, normally a nation of total neutrality that never participated in any conflicts until WW2 when Germany pulled Operation Mercury and they joined the Allies after kicking Hitler’s forces out.
Ah, political theory. My one weakness. X__X
Crete follows the Westminster System of governance, meaning that it’s a parliamentary republic. They have elections every 5 years, where all citizens over the age of 18 are allowed to vote.
It’s a system that has served it pretty well for most of its history, and isn’t too different from how the Queen ran things back in the 10th century.
Realistically, there’s not much political difference between the two main parties that lead the nation, with the biggest breaking points being that, technically, the Cretan constitution hasn’t abolished the position of ‘King/Queen’, which means that, theoretically, a descendant could one day show up and request government support/welfare alongside some of the lands the King and Queen used to own (namely, their castle and the Queen’s tomb).
One of these two parties wants to ‘edit’ the constitution and stamp out the monarchy loophole, while the other argues that this is just a power-grab attempt to slip in other changes because it’s a well documented fact that the Monarchs never had children, so a reform is unwanted and unnecessary.
With… recent events, you can be assured this discussion has become a lot more widespread among its citizenry.
Sidenote: The Monarch’s castle is now owned by the Cretan Government, and actually serves as a small museum/tourist attraction.
The assumed Queen’s Tomb (because it’s still a guess whether she’s actually buried there or not), is actually private property, owned by a certain group that you’ll learn about in Chapter 4. It’s actually a pretty big ??? mark for everyone, since exploration of it is not allowed, and… well, another, more ‘agreeable’ reason that will be explained in Chapter 4.
Edited to add (because it slipped my mind): I’ve noted both your errors and suggestions, and thank you very much for them, I’ll start working on them asap.
I’ve also seen your theory, and… well, no comment. 