I don’t get the story (which probably has more to do with my lack of understanding than your writing) and it doesn’t seem horror-ish to me. Interactive horror is very difficult to write.
I recommend reading How can text make you frightened?
A 24 year old in my country is an adult who has graduated college most likely and lives in their own place, so the living with parents thing kind of confuses me and makes it seem like the protagonist is more high school age or younger. If the MC is unemployed and living at their parent’s house, they can’t go back with the police to get their stuff; the parent brought and owns everything. Sure the MC could try to claim a weird reverse squatter’s rights or something, but it’s not worth it.
Check out OdicHastings link on post 15 because that’s horror (or don’t because it’s really horrible.
Everything is still too rushed. Maybe instead of you go to the police and you die, have a scene where the police don’t care[details=not effective at that age] (I don’t know how this is going to work in a way that will make it seem like the police are bad. A 24 year old is legally an adult and could leave, at least in their eyes. I don’t know what the MC could want; they can’t take a gamble at CPS (their friends are offering them the equivalent of CPS, but MC won’t take it anyway) or afford a house and food if the dad is away because MC isn’t working or doing the joint living roommate thing. The MC would really have to be younger for this to work.) [/details] and that reinforces that there is no escape, no one cares, and the fear. Just keep having scenes that reinforce the fear and the hopelessness like the article above.
You could try to write hope even though I personally wouldn’t believe it. I played a puzzle game called papao and yo that was a puzzle (not horror) game about child abuse. The dad monster wasn’t 100% bad. He liked to play ball with his son and he helped solve puzzles, but he would be violent when he ate frogs/ got drunk. Try to harness that feeling of calm before the store, Silent Hill before the fog, horror movie before the music feeling.
All the content after we go to our friend’s house doesn’t add to getting to know more about our story, the characters, us, or our view of the world, and the horror element.
I’d recommend making a twine game.