I’ve been inactive in this community for a while, but recently found some time to work on some personal projects, one of which is this one.
You play as a brand new guild master. You manage resources, members, and are called to action when emergencies arise. As the guild master, you can take on quests and commissions (gotta make money somehow).
Please give me an idea of what works and what doesn’t.
Edit (July 1st, 2018):
Quest Branch released. Still a lot of work needed though. Such as the Reidan routes, another Almea route, more options for the commoners because they’re commoners and they’re more free than nobles.
Current total of about 9,900 words. Still in the process of fixing the skills. This’ll take longer than expected since writing content comes first.
I intend for there to be a lot of stat management, so if that doesn’t turn out well, I may write a simpler version. Currently in the process of restructuring skills and stats.
Edit (June 20, 2018): Coming up on 5,500 words. The first part of the prologue is basically finished. Starting on the quest routes, which are dependent on the player’s family.
Looks like a good start! I like your cheeky-cheerful dialogue style, although it wasn’t clear what kind of setting it was in - if it’s a medieval-type world then words like “awesome” tend to stand out quite a bit.
Also if you’re looking to focus heavily on the management side of things, maybe you’d benefit from a more contemporary setting (i.e. a real-world city) as this would mean less world-building work for you? As it is, there’s a whole bunch of explanation needed on where and what Almea is - but “Ancient Rome” or “Victorian London” is automatically understood by basically everyone. Just a thought!
Regardless, really enjoyed the brief intro and seemed a solid premise to build upon.
Thanks! Dialogue style is what I excel at, according to some of my friends.
And I was indeed trying for a more medieval-style world, though an alternate one. I don’t really mind world-building so much as having to find a way to express what I’m imagining. But as a start to clarify what kind of setting it is, should I add more detail to the beginning or would it be alright to explain as the story progresses?
Interesting question, and quite a timeless one I think. Choice of Rebels opened with a choice whether to jump straight into the story or to read some background on the world first. Point being, either way can work! I’m no expert though so best not to heed me specifically, hopefully someone wiser and more experienced can chime in.
I think the traditionally-accepted wisdom is to explain as the story progresses though, as it gives a more natural, fluid introduction to the story and world for the reader - as mentioned in the Choice of Rebels example, readers typically don’t want to approach it like a textbook where facts and dates must be memorised from the start. Better to ease them in gently perhaps.
Indeed, it’s usually more enjoyable to start with building the character and in doing so, you can see how they fit into the world around them (and by doing this, exposing the world to the reader along the way). Hope this made some sense! Full disclosure, I have no formal experience or education on these matters. Best of luck to you in any case!
The Start is just amazing u had me at management can’t wait for more I’ll probably make a list of things and send them ur way as ideas or add on if it catches ur attentions to add it to the story love this story
More detail, as @muffy suggests. Backstory to the country? The role of guilds in society? Are they adventuring guilds perhaps, with a connected adventuring-based economy? What is the Academy, and why did we wash out? Maybe a look into this somewhat shady guild registration company? So this hypothetical adventuring economy is so much of a fresh market that any ol’ college dropout can saddle themselves with likely lifelong debtstrike out on their own?
The Ragnarok Online-esque references to guilds and job classes as well as the absolutely unsubtle Pokémon reference gave it a nice cheeky feel, and the fact that it didn’t seem too cheeky or too post-modern was a good touch, and sets it up as a good deal more lighthearted than most WIPs, which is a breath of fresh air.
Some example names at the start would have helped, or even a few more named characters, in order to set some sort of baseline for naming conventions in this country.
That said, I definitely see promise, and I’m eager to follow along!
I did want it to feel very video game-esque, which is why I added things like the intruding stat notifs. Also I didn’t intend for there to be a Pokemon reference anywhere! I’d like to know where you thought I made one XD
And I agree that more explanation about the guild is necessary. The Academy will be explained later through later contact with past colleagues, along with the reason why you dropped out.
Example names are tricky for me. Mostly because I like eccentric names that make no sense. I’ll possibly add more later on, but right now there’s no reason to focus on it too much.
Thanks for the feedback! Hope to get these changes in by next week.
The “are you a boy, or a girl?” bit in the beginning was so spot on in terms of phrasing I thought it was supposed to be intentional.
And I understand the naming bit. Unless I have some sort of focus in naming conventions (such as “Ottoman Turkish/Arabic, and at least somewhat ironic”) I have trouble coming up with names I find satisfactory.
Don’t have much to say, but the rant if you say “isn’t it obvious” could seriously ruffle feathers. Might want to reign that in just a touch so as to not offend people too much. I know it sucks that we can’t say things we feel are obviously tongue in cheek without people taking them all serious like.
It definitely needs some fleshing out, but I think the whole pushed into to a job with little to no knowledge is great for the flavor you seem to be trying for.
Like others have said maybe a small page or two prologue to set the scene and mood, especially from the viewpoint of Althea would be a great way to set the scene and mood. @Xionide
Yeah, I figured I’ll get flak for it, but that’s life. I’ll tone it down in the next update. Though I do find it ironic that a rant about trying not to offend people offends people.
And as for the prologue, I will be giving more detail for the current situation. But only major details that I should start with. Other details can be explained after the talk with Althea. You also have a good point about using Althea to set the mood. I could probably use her to hint at the current situation as well. Though Althea (or the secretary character) could be more important later on
This has good potential! Judging by what I have seen so far, I can see which direction you want to take this in. I think you will do great things with this (I also forgot to mention that you had great grammar!)
I love the premise! I absolutely adore fantasy and anything magic. I want to ask if there will be a moral conflict as a guild master. Do we have to decide between money or the well being of our adventurers? Do we have to attend to certain egos of adventurers because some of them want to famous and what not. There is so many things you could do here, and I’m looking forward to it.
Some issue I found: if you choose the option “I’m good with swords” it will raise your sword skill to 60 but the rest will stay at 0 (including judgment)
Ah my bad. To be honest I’ll likely revamp the skill system so that there are both skills and stats. I’ll fix that in the meantime though (for the next update), thanks!
