Wait so the last part of the demo isn’t the MC being tortured before ‘dying’ or something its a different person??? @Ylva
@Ylva, this is hopefully the last thing I will send today ( it’s really rare I do this stuff), found these these two things when rechecking the WIP cause why not ?
Found this when I did the ‘do nothing’ and ‘surrender’ again. It loops back after you initially decide what to do when she extends a hand. (Present in all three)
I don’t know exactly what is the exact criteria you get this. ( I have narrowed down to when you surrender, if you choose to nod in affirmation of her question and when you agree to her deal. ) Either way, obviously something missing, cause it does not explain how you start falling from the building in the next scene.
I have a very strong suspicion that the woman at the end of the demo could be the MC’s mother or at least the twin sister. But I’ve enjoyed what you wrote so far!
I think I fixed those errors (emphasis on think), but I don’t have time to test all possible choices right now. Regardless, thank you for pointing them out, I appreciate it.
Amazing demo so far can’t wait for further updates!
Keep up the good work
Yay for the kiss making it in there…
Though I was surprised by Rosslyn’s negative reaction when I bit her. Would have expected that to be right down her alley at this juncture… Guess a girl does deserve some respite after nearly getting strangled to death and ridden hard before being put up wet in a pool of her own blood.
Gods I feel dirty now.
Don’t think this is too important, but the listed heights for the characters are wrong (apart from Reyes). Such as 170cm (5’5), since 5’5 is 165cm etc. And 178 (5’8) since 178 is 5’10.
We fought hard for it, as in, we coerced an author who already had a bias towards the scene
I’m guessing we’re artificial with dna of the girl, I don’t think @ylva would be so hush hush about a sister, plus them sharing the same eyes would be really convenient considering all the combos, and why would we inherent the exact same power as our parent?. Besides we need as many reasons to cause the Mc problems, including existential crisis.
This is my take as well.
Or maybe it’s the other way around, seeing as we’re a teenager on a slab without memory but recollections of murder (depending on which route you take anyway) and some rough fighting skills. Which is to say, we’ve lived a life to some extent. We didn’t die in some nutrient tank before ever being put to use.
Then again, maybe everyone is to some extent derived from the chained angel.
What kiss scene?
Also, that was fun. Can’t wait for my MC to meet the rest of the team.
The kiss scene with Rosslyn.
Yes, you can kiss the person who’s tearing your ribs apart and literally holding your heart. Because wht wouldn’t you?
No, you can’t just delete that like it never happened!
Whew! I thought I was going crazy when I saw that the first time. (or maybe because it was like, 4am…)
Good to know that someone else noticed it, too.
I think it’s a different person since my MC is a boy but the person at the end is still a woman. Perhaps shes the MC’s mother cus they have the same color eyes and hair.
The more I hear about stuff like chained angels and what have you, the more I think about how much the writing in this WIP reminds me of Blood for Poppies, only less macabre and more counter-culture-y in tone.
It doesn’t help that the MC also has trouble actually using their wings to begin with.
Hmm, you got a point there, though I’m wondering if this is just what she usually does when she’s in the sexy mood, if you catch my drift.
everyone has their own tastes
I liked the demo! Though I have questions about wings? Is MC a fallen angel? Also where did the wings go when MC tried to retreat them? Will they appear again? It’s just very cool to have wings! I’m very excited!!!
Is that the end of demo?
Probably not, its still in work in process. I mean, the mistress will still update the demo… if that what you mean by that.
Don’t you dare question my tastes!
Anyways, I followed this since the beginning, waiting to see if it was worth it.
Holy shit it was.
A super power game after my own heart. I love it.
Having just finished the little Prologue you have done and let us read, I have to say that you’ve certainly got my interest. And I’m looking forward to seeing where you go with this!
That scene at the end that you did really got me curious, so I will be watching with interest!
Good luck to you~