This is real great so far. I’m assuming the insert name here is just for now right. I noticed in the relationships section that Aria and Felan info appear twice in a row. Is there supposed to be a bar for Elizabeth too? Otherwise keep going. You’re doing great.
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Okay, so those inserts are just placeholders, yup.
And for the relationship thing, I was wondering whether to keep the percentage viewable or keep it hidden. And if I do keep it viewable, then there will be a bar for her too.
Booohoohoohoo… Did I just read anime-ish story there?
The story looks promising, although it felt a bit rushed to the end of the WIP. I mean, there’s suddenly choices after choices. Unless if it’s under construction, then I guess it’s fine.
And then the chara-creation. The orientation creation part feels odd to me, since stunned to boys or girls in their uniform isn’t always related to someone (me) orientation. Maybe you’d like to make that part to be more obvious if your character is deciding their gender orientation.
Oh, and the story mixed 1st person and 2nd person PoV at some places, just saying.
Is customization going to stay the way it is? I was wondering if it’s possible to change your hair color and eye color. Is that possible?
@Szaal
Don’t like the anime-style?
And yes, there’s that bit before the end that I need to clean up. But the chapter actually ends there. The under construction page is the start of the next chapter. Also what did you mean by choices after choices?
The orientation part is that you’re looking in front of a mirror and you see yourself in that mirror. I’ll try to make it more clear though.
And where did you find the mix up?
@Mxm124
It’s pretty easy to add this in. Though if you change your own colours, it would also result in changing the colours for Aria, but that shouldn’t be a big deal? If you would like, I could make the customization more detailed, though it wouldn’t affect the story as much.
In fact, quite the opposite. (Especially since there’s no much interesting title this season)
When you get into the class, it’s start to felt a bit rushed. But I guess, it can’t be helped since… well… what are you expecting when you’re at the class?
And about the orientation, I mean it’s whether I’m attracted to either boys/girls/neither/both. Not that mirror part :v
Finally, there’s [I] and [you] at the encounter with the loli witch. Well, TBH that part is also a little confusing at first. You might want to take a look at that one.
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It’s up to you really. I think you should have just a basic customization a least though like hair color, eye color, skin color, and hair length. That’s what I consider basic. This is just a suggestion however so do whatever you feel is best. It’s your work so do with it what you will.
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@Szaal
Ah, yeah. The class scene isn’t that important. I could find a way to make it feel longer, without making it feel boring.
Okay. I’ll try to make it clearer.
Alright, I’ll go searching there. What’s confusing about it? I’ll try to clear it up, if possible.
@Mxm124
Hm. I like the idea. I’ll see what happens and talk to my partner about it.
This looks like a good start. I do have a few comments to make, though:
You’re overlooking another field now. Or, it was a field. The grass is seared off. Pillars of fire erupt from the ground. There’s no sign of life ever being here.
This seems a little contradictory. If there’s no sign of life ever having been there, how do you know that it was a field, rather than just an open area?
- Koa?
- Alice?
Two rather different names: one a common English girls’ name; the other a rare Hawai’ian boys’ name…
- Another option
I feel that this should probably be described in the choice. (This is at breakfast.) Even having picked it, I have no idea what it did.
“Aha! The kid thinks he’s able to talk himself out of this!”
Actually, I said I was going to fight, not talk.
You look around, searching for the owner of that voice. A girl jumps down from above, possibly from the roof. “You shouldn’t be here. How did you even get in here?”
So… is this the fifth girl who’s saved me from my first paranormal run-in? Where are the cute boys!?
A student, much taller than you stand, walks towards you, waving his hand in the air like he can’t tell if you can see him. He smiles casually and takes a seat at the vacated desk in front of you.
Okay; here one is. 
“It’s all good, Ko.” Aeren says.
But he hasn’t given me his name… How do I know it?
Anyway; it looks like a good start. Good luck with the rest. 
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Just fixed that first one. (You have a really good point).
Well. I don’t particularly see the problem with this. Should I put a few more names to balance it?
This is a choice I forgot to remove. Sorry XD
Fixed.
Don’t worry! More will come soon! Soon!
Thanks for pointing this out. It’s a thing with how the choices point to labels. I’ll fix it soon.
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I mean, I don’t really mind, but it does seem a bit weird as it is. Also, it’s slightly compounded by the fact that the other two male characters have unusual names, while both other girls have at worst uncommon names.
I rather like the near-Anime style, however I have to comment on something that caught my attention rather quickly. It seems that the perspectives get swapped just slightly, I’m getting that you are going for Second Person narration (using ‘you’ / ‘yours’ / et cetera) however in the characterization - when you describe the MC’s ‘auburn hair’ it uses a brief slip into First Person (‘my’). I thought I saw another slip up but I’m looking for it. [This works for female only, it’s when describing the hair length]
Also, I already know this question is probably going to pop up at some point, but will there be a non-binary option?
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@ParrotWatcher Yeah, it’s kinda strange. I’ll take a jab at making some new names. But believe me, names are not easy. But I will add more names to choose from though.
@Drunarylda
Thanks. I actually get confused writing sometimes. This is the first time I’ve written in second-person after all.
And a non-binary option was something I’ve been looking at from the beginning, but haven’t the slightest on how to implement yet.
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I know; I basically asked my players for suggestions when I put names into my WIP.
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I like what I’ve played so far but I find it a bit disheartening whenever you use “(insert X here)” instead of something a bit more meaningful. I can understand why you would do it (it can be hard coming up with a good joke or name) but the truth is it also makes you look lazy, not to mention it kinda breaks the immersion.
Just 2 cents.
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Sorry! I’ll try to do it less in the future. I was a bit rushed in writing and couldn’t find names to write. It’ll be fixed in the next update. And yes, it’s sloppy, that’s just bad writing on my part.
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@Xionide No problem, that’s understandable as it’s not common in writing for much with the exception being Choice script and maybe some play writing! And if you are thinking of adding non-binary, I would suggest some of the topic forums on the subject or simply ask.
Here are some I found in the forums.
A
B
And then I found some other interesting things that might help through various sites. Here are some photos.
I hope they prove to be helpful.
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@Drunarylda Thanks for the resources! I’ll keep them in mind!
This is good. I like the fact that the school atmosphere feels like a Japanese school. Also you did quite well since there weren’t much typos and the grammar was good. Keep it up! 
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This was interesting and I’m curious to see where it goes. It was pretty well written, too.
I did notice a couple issues, though.
It switches back and forth from present tense to past tense very frequently (sometimes within the same sentence).
I’m not sure if no more mention of the man standing next to the girl was intentional or not, but it reads like an oversight.
And there were several places where POV was randomly switched.
Those were the times I spotted it.
And I think the sentence below is missing a word😄 “You that you have a…”
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