17:31 (a new zombie game)

[Misterdovah]

Hi, I am all new to this. I wanna say before anything else is that I am in love for this CoG enviroment, this is the opportunity to rescue an old dream back: write \o/
I tried some other engines, but I will focus my debut on this one. This has what I need right now.
Second: I am not english native, so don’t be mean fi any typo happens during game.
Third: the game

I have some projects in mind, but I had to choose one to start. I present you the idea of “17:31” (temporary title, maybe). It’s a zombie game where you play as a child trying to make it in a destroyed city, looking for your family and friends. Yes, there is gore; yes, some choices are mercyless…

BUT,

the following link is not the demo of 17:31. During the process, there is a route where the MC get inside a church and meet a zombie bride. I felt the impulse to tell her story. So i stopped the process and made this little sample of it.

https://dashingdon.com/go/2490

Share your words and help me to get better, lovely people.

More about the game:

1. Genre: zombie, horror, child protagonist, adventure.

2. Images?: I honestly think on putting images, but I dont want to cut readers that cant play games with images/gifs without lag, so… still thinking.

3. Can I die?: NO! You are not “dieable” in the game. Just because the plot: at the beggining of the story you wake up in a hospital and talk to a doctor who is interested in your memories about the day before (the outbreak). You are a survivor since then, BUT, did your loved ones make it? You will fight for better decisions to keep other chars alive, or not…

4. So I can be part of a group?: YES! And more: their traits sums to yours and each NPC can affect your relation to other groups. (Who are yu joining to?).

5. Are there emotional parts?: of course, I will eat your heart like a hungry horde of zombies. (#joking)

6. Can I kill someone?: put in mind that the MC is a kid, so you are not supposed to be a killer. You mostly need adults to do that. But in some key moments you can be sorta Clementine and pull the trigger. Plus, there is a “innocence” counter that I will work like a “humanity” counter.

7. Are there other traits?: YESSSS! “Wisdow” (for better escape choices), “Strentgh” (to defend urself and move objects), “Social” (to convince others).

EDITING:

26/03/2018 - checked the chart flow and planned some re-do to the beggining. The first idea of game has no chapter, just a full sequence of actions. Kinda replaning it now. Plus, put some more info about the game above.

29/03/2018 - school episode structure almost finished. Having some problems with code, but solved most. Now, time to work on dialogues and relationships.

[Logan3000x]

@Misterdovah

MC get inside a church and meet a zombie bride

then she tries to marry us but we can’t because we are alive.

Tim Burton's Corpse Bride - Trailer

[Misterdovah]

Hahahahahaha maybe, maybe…

[pizzamarket]

So first things first, I like the idea of a Zombie Apocalypse based game. Especially being a child throughout most of the game.

Room to Improve:

Grammar

Now, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the grammar needs to be double checked.

• Commas doesn’t go automatically after quotation marks, they should actually go inside the quotation marks, if it fits.

Example:
“I hope you will be there,” he said quietly, “it just won’t be the same without you.” .

• I forgot to add in the picture, but I feel like ‘and’ should be taken out of the sentence: I’m just too happy to realize that I am not alone in this room AND this phrase called attenttion of my mom.
  The sentence would sound much better if it was worded like:
  "I’m just too happy to realize that I am not alone in this room with this phase of attention that my mom is currently surrounding me with"

• Attention was spelt wrong.

• I am pretty sure this is optional, but if you take out the ‘with’ and add a comma in the sentence: “She asks me with a funny mood in her face.” It would sound much better. It would sound like: “She asks me, a funny mood in her face.”

• Instead of mood, it should say look. also, I feel like the adjective ‘funny’ is too simple. A word like ‘ridiculous’ or ‘preposterous’

• Instead of in, it should be on.
  So, the sentence should look like:
  “She asks me, a ridiculous/preposterous look on her face”

• After soon, there should be a comma. The sentence should look like:
  “'Soon, I will become a Mrs.”

• Laughable was spelt wrong.

• There should be a period after much.
  The sentence should look like “'You better be joking about changing so much.”

• I think replacing ‘is’ with ‘has been’ would make the sentence flow better. The sentence would sound like:
  “My friend, Livia, who has been with me since our early years, fears that I will abandon her after become a wife.”

• There should be an ‘I’ in between ‘after’ and ‘become’

So regarding grammar, I feel like it just needs a double check and make sure you aren’t using simple words.

Plot

There’s not much to say about the plot, considering we are looking at the zombie bride point of view. However, I do have a suggestion based on her point of view. I don’t think we should have the ability to actually pick the bride and groom names. Unless they have an important role in the story, they should have given names so the player doesn’t get too attached to them.

Suggestions/Questions/Ideas

QUESTIONS:

• Are we going to be alone throughout most of the game? Do we always have an adult by our side?
• If we are alone, then are we able to recruit others and form a group? Instead of us being in a group, can make our own group?
• Is there going to be romance?
• How old is our MC?
• Can we decide if the MC can be ruthless or compassionate? For example, if we are in a situation where we can either save or kill someone, could that play into the “I’m a ruthless/compassionate kid” role?
  SUGGESTIONS/IDEAS:
  Regarding the ability to kill, I feel like the MC should be able to kill. Since we are in a Apocalypse setting, we won’t be able to always depend on an adult.
  In the beginning, where we wake up in a hospital, we should decide if we can run away from the hospital (with the option of steal some medical supplies on the way out [Ruthless factor]) and make our way to our ‘house’.
  On our way home, we should meet a character. They should be older than us and tell us what’s happening, what they know of zombies in general, and if we need any help. This character could be important to us. I would say important; but it’s all up to you.
  Once we reach home, I have multiple ways on how that should go.
  • If our family is still alive, the mom/dad should be a zombie and the older sibling is trying to fight them off. This could go into the two traits, ruthless or compassionate. (ksksks, as you can tell, I’m literally doing this entirely based off ruthless or compassionate, so I’m really hoping you could fit that as a trait) We could help our older sibling out and make a first kill [Compassionate] or we can let them get bitten and kill them both [Ruthless].
  • If our family is still alive, they could leave a note saying that they are outside doing something, and they will be back soon. We could search our home for supplies, weapons, and food. Or, we could just wait for their return. (If they ever return )
  • If our family is dead, we could search their bodies for anything useful [Ruthless] and search our home for anything useful. Or we can mourn their deaths and figure out what should we do next. This could be the perfect time where our friend from earlier comes in, looking for a place to stay, see the dead bodies, and help our MC out. If that was to happen, this could be the start of our “group.”
  • If our family is dead and is NOT in the house, we could be oblivious to the whole ordeal. We don’t know where our family is, we don’t know if they are ever coming back, but someday, we will know the truth on what happen to our family.
  • Neither options, we can just stay oblivious until later on in the game.

I think we definitely need more personality/attributes traits.

• Ruthless vs Compassionate - Are we more evil than good?
• Optimistic vs Pessimistic - Are we confident in the future or do we think everything is going to go to hell?
• Intelligence - How smart are we?
• Charm - How good are when we talk to others? (This is not the same as persuasiveness, however high charm can improve the ability to persuade.)
• Perception - How aware are you of your surroundings? Did you see/hear that movement?
• Stamina/Endurance - How much can you endure? Can you handle the sickening weather? Can you drink contaminated water and still feel like a newborn baby? Can you handle the pressing matters of the world?
• Agility - How fast can you move? Can you dodge the zombie coming at you?

The best thing about the stats is that you don’t have to give your attention to them all the time! Mostly ruthless and compassionate, seeing as the MC HAS to make tough decisions, but the rest are stats that you don’t have to always give your main attention to. Don’t forget about them, but also don’t stress over it either.

I think this all really sums up what I feel about the WIP. I love the plot. We don’t get much zombie based games, and I feel like this could make a change to the scene. I really hope I don’t come off rude or mean, but if I do, I apologize!

[Misterdovah]

Thank you very much

[Misterdovah]

Of course not. Your comment is very welcomed. Thanks for your help.