Just read the demo and am really excited to read more! The edits you announced for chapter one sound really good as well.
It’s cool that a woman has more difficulties with handling the crew - I always enjoy it when the gender you pick can actually be felt in the story.
The characters are very promising and multifaceted. It’ll probably be quite difficult for me to settle for one RO, because I sense just so much potential for each route. Well, if it stays that way, I’ll just have to play multiple times, lol.
Keep up the good work! <3
Now to a few details:
suggestion on my part
I restarted the demo to do a few things differently and also have been codediving a little. First of all, I really like how different some things can go depending on your choice, but I think this could result in a little imbalance regarding the romances in some places: I’m romancing Gungir and missed quite some scenes with him while playing blindly.
While it totally makes sense that there is a difference if you don’t go to the docks on your own, staying in her room just didn’t make sense for how I’m roleplaying my MC. So that’s the first scene I missed, although, again quite logical. But maybe you could add something like a romance choice, where the MC is basically thinking “what if I just waited for him to get me?” and feeling weirdly thrilled by the thought? That would be a nice alternative to being simply stubborn and trying to disobey.
He can only end up sitting next to MC if I also romance Thyra. I would have liked if a similar scene were available for just romancing him. Although that, of course, is really just a small paragraph.
A drunken MC gets quite some content romancewise, but due to the likely consequences, I wouldn’t have my MC get drunk (apart from the fact that I prefer my MCs sober in general). It would have been nice if there was at least some dialogue if you choose not to get wasted. Or maybe there’s a scene in the future, only available if you’re not hungover?
=> Just my two pennies, of course, but I just got the feeling that the missed scenes were kind of … accumulating? If you get what I mean? I simply would have liked for some alternative scenes if you go down other routes … I mean, I totally understand if you just feel that a scene wouldn’t fit in the alternative route and forcing something isn’t the right way to go of course, but I thought I’d point it out anyway.
I stumbled upon a few small mistakes:
mistakes
Missing apostrophes, when it came to words like “won’t” or “her father’s”, which were instead being written as “wont” or “fathers”
Maybe this is because I’m not a native speaker, but Gungir’s answer kind of confused me with the “voice not yours”. My MC said hello and Ingmar hums in response, but then Gungir greets MC, right? Also: there is an “s” missing a little down below.
Thank you for the screenshots! I’m grateful whenever people point out small mistakes because I always somehow miss them.
And I agree that you miss a lot of romance depending on your choices, and that’s something I’m attempting to fix as I’m editing. I know that Thyra’s route was very limited, so I have to go back and edit in quite a bit!
Since I still can’t add photos to my posts (annoying as hell), I’ll have to type it out:
You stare. “A rock?”
“Take it before I smack you with it.” You roll your eyes, but obey her nonetheless.
This is a little snippet of the new beginning to chapter 1 which is currently sitting close to 10k. Very out of context, but it will make sense when you actually read the whole thing, I promise.
And for those without Tumblr, I’ve also uploaded a Gungir POV special. It’s set during the part of the story where, if you decide not to go to the docks, he comes to find you instead. You can find it here!
I like you use quite ‘wordy’ words (I am a foreigner, unsure how to put it) that it reads like a proper book while being easy enough to understand, it reads quite well and helps my immersion, looking forward to more.
Thank you so much! Often times I feel my prose are way too wordy and then not wordy enough. Finding that balance kills me, but hearing people enjoy it is a massive confidence boost!
I got sick with food poisoning so I’ve been taking a little break. My goal is to release Chapter 2 by the end of January at the latest. I’m confident I can make it, but I’ll need to stay disciplined to get there which I suck at doing.
Pray for me, y’all.
And you’ll finally be able to meet Raud this chapter. Just something to look forward to!
I released the Chapter 1 opening rewrite today! There is around 18k words of new content. Hope you guys enjoy it! And if you find any errors, let me know.
Some errors I noticed:
If you click Feminine Names then decide to write your own, you get two text boxes instead of just one. This doesn’t happen with Masculine Names.
Beginning of First Chapter, if you choose to be under the influence and to kill the “boar”, you are described to have a sword during that scene, even if you chose a different weapon.
When you tell Eska at least she didn’t encounter a boar, curse is spelled wrong two times.
Anne tells you why the man who shoved you had been angry, two times. If you ask why he was angry, she tells you, if you then choose the choice about being responsible for his loss, she repeats it again.
If you ask Anne why she wants to come, the choice after where you remain silent says you will not repeat your words of rejection. Since asking why was not actually a rejection, you could change that to the silence being a clear no or something.
Thats all I noticed, can’t wait to play more in the future.
Thank you for reporting the errors! However, I’m having a little trouble finding the second one since everything looks right on my end. Can you be more specific; which weapon did you pick and what choices you made during the fight?
My choices:
Chose to be under the influence
No armor
Weapons choice: Daggers, axe, and spear, any of these.
The strength or agility choices don’t change what happens, I get the sword description either way.
Chose to manically laugh.
Allowed the strike to land, blood for blood. At this point, the MC is described as having a sword despite having chosen one of the three weapons above.
stay healthy
