Hello! I’ve been hard at working writing The Noble’s Legacy, my first story with ChoiceScript.
I look forward to any and all feedback, suggestions, and comments.
The demo (23k overall wordcount) currently covers the prologue and the first chapter.
About
Explore a low-fantasy world shaped by ancient legends and a vanquished demonic invasion.
You take on the role of the heir to a baron, whose ancient house no longer displays the prestige of remote times.
On a journey filled with challenges, you will have to face the uncertain destiny, bringing back the lost splendor. Wield responsibility like a sword and embark on a bold quest to rebuild your noble house. With courage and determination, write your own saga, reigniting the brilliance of your family.
It’s interesting—I’m also guessing that this Golden Age is not going to end with an Eclipse. However I’d strongly encourage allowing us to name our nobleman protagonist and the fief he will inherit. And I’m guessing the eye colors are hints of mystic heritage (hence specifically silver/gold)?
I’d suggest putting in some sample names (names that would fit in with the world of your story) and a choice to input our own name. Also will the sibling be nameable?
Hello, Thanks for your reply! I’ll take your suggestion to allow the name change of the MC and his Fief, It’ll be implemented in next week update. Keep Watching!
The prologue was quite engaging. It felt as if the narrator was actually a bard starting the telling of an epic and heroic story (until the focus shifted to the main character). I found this two moments/passages hilarious considering how contradicting they sound:
In spite of explicitly stating that they established themselves as the ruling class, the “to lead and protect the common people from harm”, almost makes it feel as if the traditional feudal system is inexistent in the way the nobles treat the commoners or that they hold the belief that the nobles and commoners are equal. It almost sounds like propaganda to justify the existence of the hierarchy system (even though the abilities are very weak making “the current nobility” unnecessary").
As always reading more low fantasy Kingdom settings is great, do wonder how deep you’ll go in terms of land management and political advancement, these stories need lots if resources to support the experience be it maps,codex(if strange terms are included or to compile references) etc but if the writing keeps being promising there are few obstacles you’ll fear writer.
Hi thanks for your tips and suggetions, i updated and did some changes, the “White Blonde” and the two synonyms.
About the questions, it all will be mentioned in the first chapter.
