(WIP) The Noble’s Legacy (UPDATED | 08/04/2023)

Hello! I’ve been hard at working writing The Noble’s Legacy, my first story with ChoiceScript.
I look forward to any and all feedback, suggestions, and comments.

The demo (23k overall wordcount) currently covers the prologue and the first chapter.

About

Explore a low-fantasy world shaped by ancient legends and a vanquished demonic invasion.

You take on the role of the heir to a baron, whose ancient house no longer displays the prestige of remote times.

On a journey filled with challenges, you will have to face the uncertain destiny, bringing back the lost splendor. Wield responsibility like a sword and embark on a bold quest to rebuild your noble house. With courage and determination, write your own saga, reigniting the brilliance of your family.

ROs

To be added.

Update Log

To be added.

Credits

Arts by @dg.silvart

To play the demo, click here: https://dashingdon.com/play/hebertcv/the-nobles-legacy/mygame/

110 Likes

I don’t know is this the game end or simply bug because the loading not end


but i love the premise

hi, it’s not a bug, it’s the ending of the wip, u’ll have to wait for an update to continue the story, i’m glad you liked!

3 Likes

Looks pretty cool, I’m excited to see where this goes. By the way, is our family something akin to Barons?

The writing is good and shows good potential, I can’t say more for having so little for now. I will follow up, good luck and keep up the good work.

1 Like

Love the ldea

I was wondering if there will be a cheat option in the future

2 Likes

Sounds interesting

Hi! I’m not decided yet but they’ll be barons or counts

Thanks, keep watching!

I’m almost sure that yes but i have to think about it a little more, thanks.

Glad you liked it sir!

Heads up, the save system doesn’t work.

It’s interesting—I’m also guessing that this Golden Age is not going to end with an Eclipse. However I’d strongly encourage allowing us to name our nobleman protagonist and the fief he will inherit. And I’m guessing the eye colors are hints of mystic heritage (hence specifically silver/gold)?

I’d suggest putting in some sample names (names that would fit in with the world of your story) and a choice to input our own name. Also will the sibling be nameable?

3 Likes

Hi! I’ll try to fix the save system in the next update.

Hello, Thanks for your reply! I’ll take your suggestion to allow the name change of the MC and his Fief, It’ll be implemented in next week update. Keep Watching!

1 Like

@HerbertCV saves are off.

There’s apparently some errors that might need a look at:

image

The prologue was quite engaging. It felt as if the narrator was actually a bard starting the telling of an epic and heroic story (until the focus shifted to the main character). I found this two moments/passages hilarious considering how contradicting they sound:

In spite of explicitly stating that they established themselves as the ruling class, the “to lead and protect the common people from harm”, almost makes it feel as if the traditional feudal system is inexistent in the way the nobles treat the commoners or that they hold the belief that the nobles and commoners are equal. It almost sounds like propaganda to justify the existence of the hierarchy system (even though the abilities are very weak making “the current nobility” unnecessary").


Aaaand right after that the “common people” are referred to as subjects. It shows how the nobles think of the commons.


Captivating and mesmerizing are synonyms of each other so there is no need to have both of them, one after another, in the same sentence.


I suggest changing it to platinum blonde.

Questions:

  • What types of magic did the ancestors of the current nobility have?
  • Any info on the current royal family of the kingdom where MC resides in?
  • Will the sibling be named by MC?
  • How does the title inheritance system work? What are the criterias for someone to be considered as an eligible heir?
4 Likes

As always reading more low fantasy Kingdom settings is great, do wonder how deep you’ll go in terms of land management and political advancement, these stories need lots if resources to support the experience be it maps,codex(if strange terms are included or to compile references) etc but if the writing keeps being promising there are few obstacles you’ll fear writer.

1 Like

Hi thanks for your tips and suggetions, i updated and did some changes, the “White Blonde” and the two synonyms.
About the questions, it all will be mentioned in the first chapter.

1 Like