Well, you haven’t answer me, that’s means No. It’s disappointing. Not everyone into E.
Story good but lack of choices.
WIP: [The Fame Game] (300k Words) (Prologue Part 1) (MUSIC BASED IF)-[Release Date: March 15th 2026]
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Thanks again for the screenshots. With regards to the third screenshot, however, that’s not actually a mistake as it’s Jett speaking not E lol. Please do send anymore screenshots of pronoun errors though, it’s basically impossible to notice them all in 300k words no matter how meticulous I try to be, especially anything like “he” or “she”, due to the sheer prevalence it has in the story itself and the fact that the “he” could be about anyone but all instances of it will get highlighted if I search, making it nigh impossible to find out where the instances of ash or E being called “he” or “she” actually are. Kinda like finding a needle in a haystack at times lol. All the “E” name variables themselves should be fixed though, including that one instance of it appearing as “ethel_name” in the page break. Will be patched through in the next update since I wanna get all the bugs instead of constantly re updating while people are mid-play.
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No problem! I’m happy those screenshots were helpful! 
I’ll keep on a look out! 
And lol, yeah I think it makes sense to patch next update, at the very least the bones of the story are still there haha and we can figure it out. 
AHHH, for the third screenshot the pronoun switching I thought it was happening in the latter half with the E’s fingers being wound tightly on the bag (please do clarify if I am actually wrong though). Because E was a guy in that playthrough, the way it was worded, I thought it was strange that instead of “HIS fingers were wound…”, it was “HER fingers were wound”. For Jett, it made sense so no problems there. 
…Maybe I should have clarified/highlighted it better next time 
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Honestly, I’ve been a bit disappointed by the lack of meaningful choices so far. It often feels like, regardless of what you pick, the story railroads you down the same path without any sort of branching. I think having more impactful branching or at the least illusion of choice would really improve the experience.
I also found some of the character interactions to be a bit frustrating, mostly with Cece. Since she’s the “childhood friend”; it feels like the MC is expected to tolerate her behavior without much input. Moments where she trips the MC, makes snide remarks, or pushes boundaries (like the strawberry scene at the academy) comes across as uncomfortable, it would be nice to have the option to push back, set boundaries, or even distance yourself from her lol. Similarly, in that exact strawberry incident, Rosalee is urging the MC into obvious trouble, it feels like there’s no real option to refuse or to respond more assertively. Even if choosing to say no meant missing certain content, having that agency/choice would make choices feel more meaningful, and readers could always go back and reread the story to explore different outcomes.
Overall, I think giving the reader more control over how they respond to characters and situations would make the story feel more immersive and personal.
That said, the writing is genuinely really good. The descriptions of the environment and the character’s emotions feel vivid and well thought out, and the MC’s little responses had me chuckling at times. Lines like “and your face… it looks like it tells the truth” really stood out. It’s clear that there was effort and care put into the writing. I’m looking forward to seeing how your writing develops as the story progresses.
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I must agree… I enjoyed the childhood part but then it became annoying. Especially E being a drama queen and MC constantly caring, although I didn’t want to build any deeper relationship with E.
MC doesn’t feel like a player’s character at all.
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It was really good! I was a bit unsure at first about the child arc since there weren’t many choices or stats, but the story’s great anyway.
I didn’t kiss E he feels a bit too pushy about the relationship, and I’m more into Jett .
I didn’t run into any bugs, but I did notice some pronoun issues, especially during the Paris arc.Really hoping we’ll get some real choices in the next chapters!
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It’s the prologue so you’re really not going to get the type of big branching you’ll get in the main game. Railroading is kind of the point of any prologue tbf. Mainly in this part, part 2 has a fair bit of choices. Point being, MC HAS to do certain things to set up the context in the first episode. It’s incorrect to think of it as a normal IF, when the prologue is essentially closer to a flashback sequence which canonically has to lead to episode 1.
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Yeah tbh, I don’t plan to do stats much. I don’t think I’ve played a single IF where the stats made much sense, or didn’t force me to play a way I didn’t want to just to avoid losing. Like, what is the difference between having a 21 relationship and a 31 when all the stat checks rely on >40. Then there’s also the problem of the game supposedly saying someone hates you with a 6 relationship because you turned them down once, but still talking to you in narrative like you’re best friends. There’ll be skills to acquire and all sorts depending on what choices you pick in the future, but due to the saga style and the fact that characters often disappear and reappear from the narrative, a stats approach would make little sense to me, especially with timeskips being prevalent in the narrative. Your dynamic with characters will change depending on big choices you make, you’ll see that in part 2 depending on the choice you made at the end of part 1 or not. But the main stats page doesn’t actually unlock til episode 1, and mainly episode 3 when MC will relocate to somewhere.
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Small, but the name options you get in the beginning should be double checked that there isn’t any overlap with character names. Like Lila which is the name of one of the dancers or Smith so you don’t share with Cece
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Oh, and I hope MC will have a terrible time at Ardent. Please god let them work themself to the bone 
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huh???
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Uh was that strawberry kiss done in purpose? By the way I’m very impressed by your story and looking forward to more
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There is one part where you go to the zoo and you can pick strawberry flavoured ice cream without puking all over the place. Is this not a continuity error, or does the aversion to strawberries come later?
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Heartbreaking. I hate it for all the right reasons.
It’s very long for just a third part of a prologue, but if you had not let the characters grow slowly, if you had not given the reader time to get attached, the ending wouldn’t be so devastating. And I dread what more can we expect to happen, even before the ending of the prologue. But I bet more heartbreaks, more losing of friends, more isolation, more dark Cece and less big sis Cece, and more strawberries.
Good work. I really want to read more.
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Definitely an error. Thanks for pointing that out lol
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Extremely small mistake, but Nina talks about TikTok in a scene that takes place in 2015, three years before TikTok
Edit: Oh, and this whole birthday scene in Paris seems to have pronoun errors with female MC being referred to as birthday boy etc.
Another Edit: Nina is from Paris right?
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That ending was… hilarious? Devastating?
Only thing that played in my head during it was “Everybody Haaaates Chriiiiiiis,” because DAMN… can’t win for losing. 
The prologue is dense, but I had no issue with that and found myself falling into it easily enough.
Such a setup definitely has my interest piqued for what’s inbound.
Cece, E, and Ash(?) being an unavoidable COMPLICATED lore/history for our MC in their developmental years also has me curious as to how it plays out.
I have many more running thoughts, but I’ll likely have to play through again as I’m currently sleep-deprived.
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Ooh thanks for this. Also no, Nina’s actually from the US too lol. She’ll reappear throughout the story a lot, so you’ll learn more about her later. She’ll be with MC particularly when they relocate, and as a dancer let’s just say she’s definitely around when you go on your first solo tour.
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Yeah, i agree, E has been getting on my nerves. I find that the MC needing to be the one who has to call them a little frustrating. Communication goes both ways, especially since the MC is busy with rehearsals and is on a tighter schedule than them (at the time). And E not telling us about Miami because they were butthurt about us not communicating just made me roll my eyes. (And the whole thing in Japan, why is the MC getting blamed here? they literally did NOTHING wrong. Cece calling them a coward after E was the one who chose to block them was actually infuriating )
I’ve already shared my thoughts on Cece and Rosalee, but I’ll say again that their actions made it harder for me to connect with them. Moments where personal boundaries are crossed (like Cece taking the MC’s diary on multiple occasions, or her unecessarily butting into the MC’s supposed love life), or when they put the MC into uncomfortable situations without much input on our part made it difficult for me to stay invested in them. The lack of options to respond more strongly or express frustration with them also contributes to that.
On the other hand, i feel that characters like Ash, Alex and Jett worked better for me. They felt more natural in how they interacted with the MC. Ash comes across as supportive and level-headed, Alex has that rough around the edges personality but still shows genuine care, and Jett stood out to me for actually stepping in and backing the MC against Matteo when it mattered. Those moments made their relationships feel earned and more enjoyable to me. (NVM the ending got me disliking Ash and Jett lol “stop stringing them along” “just kiss them” 
)
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I understand your point about the MC needing to do certain things in the prologue to establish context for the first episode, but there were a few moments where that connection didn’t feel very clear to me. For example, the segment involving Rosalee and her crush felt disconnected from the MC and the main plot. Even when selecting the option that implied disinterest, E still pushes the MC to follow along, which made any choices i made less meaningful. And since that section is long and doesn’t offer much input from the reader, it ended up feeling a bit drawn out for me. I think that it could work better if players had the option to go with E to spy on her, depending on their interest
I had a similar feeling during Paris with Nina. It felt like the MC is quickly placed into a friendship with her without player input, which made it harder for me to feel invested in that friendship. I’m not sure how her presence tied into the broader plot, and her being included in the birthday dinner with Alex felt a bit abrupt. It would help to give the reader more agency in how that specific relationship develops, or at least some choice in how the MC reacts to her involvement (other than positive)
The same applies to London, At Alex’s set, where Nina is once again included regardless of the reader’s input. This stood out to me a bit because one of the dialogue options is, “i want zero variables… and almost say no”, which isn’t a choice. It gives the impression that the player can object, but the outcome is the same either way. Moments like this make it feel like there isn’t even the illusion of choice, which is a bit immersion breaking. Allowing that choice to meaningfully affect the scene, would make it feel less restrictive.
Overall, even if the prologue is meant to set up future events, having more opportunities for reader agency, even small variations in response, would go a long way in making the experience feel more engaging and personal.
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