So, I’ve played just about every Choice of Games and Hosted Games title that has ever been released, but I never actually expected to start working on my own story. But last night, in something of a fugue state, I wrote a 3000 word introductory chapter to a story that has been rattling around in my head for a long time.
Taking inspiration from books like The Dresden Files this is a modern day urban fantasy that draws on my own personal experiences being homeless. The goal is to create an overarching mystery that can span over the course of several games, with each individual game having it’s own “monster of the week” style focus.
Currently I have completed the introductory chapter which I hope gives a good feel for the style of world it takes place in. It is a little linear and I hope to expand it out more as the chapters go on. It will be gender variable, I just haven’t reached the “character creation” stage yet.
You can play the first chapter over at Dashingdon - Streetwise Sorcerer
I’m not a writer so any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
I like the intro, I’ll be looking forward for the next chapter
It’s a good start! There’s a lot of action, and the world is interesting. I got an error message when I tried to view the stats, but that might be something you’re still working on. I’m looking forward to seeing where the story goes.
Thanks! Yes, I’m still working on figuring out stats. Just like I’m not a writer I’m also not a programmer so I’m still figuring out ChoiceScript
I think it’s really interesting, an action packed opening is
Good luck with your wip, will be keeping an eye out for it
Seems intriguing! I feel like the opening was strong and the powers seem interesting so far. I feel like you did a good job making the different choices feel distinct, and actually feel decently nonlinear even in a fairly short time. And overall I think your writing is actually pretty solid, so I’d say you’re off to a good start!
One kind of stylistic thing I thought I’d suggest is that you have a few points where there’s a choice menu with only one *choice, such as when the Suits are approaching early on and you think, “Uh oh.” One thing you can do instead is change the text on the grey “Next” bar to say something custom. That way you get the custom text but aren’t creating an empty choice.
*page_Break Uh oh
That would change the “Next” line to say “Uh oh” instead. It’s much simpler than setting up a *choice, and IMO it looks neater. Anyway, you can take that or leave it. Looking forward to more!
Oh that is super helpful! Thanks!
It’s good! I’m curious to see where you’ll take the urban fantasy setting, and the background behind the “Suits.” I was a bit sad that it ended right after the flashback though, as I felt like I was just starting to gain interest in the story and MC; the demo is a bit too short for me to give any feedback besides my brief first impression.
nice start! cant wait to see where this goes
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