(WIP) Dr.EAM [Sci-fi, Around 9k words]

Hey there! Been working on this idea for a while now, but finally managed a somewhat concise first chapter to play.

In Dr.EAM it, you play a dreamwalker, a person who helps psychologists diagnose people by entering their patient’s dreams.

I plan on it having 5 chapters and 3 RO’s. Currently only two show up on the story so far.

I’m looking for feedback! English isn’t my first language and I might’ve gone overboard with some coding decisions I’ve took, so everything you notice and can report back helps a lot!

Demo: https://dashingdon.com/go/15898

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It’s an interesting concept, and I did like the stats screen. With that being said, I did run into quite a number of typos on my first playthrough.

The moist envelopes your lips and lungs as it did before the decaying wallpaper of the walls that surround you.

-moisture

You grab a hold of the foliage and push it down with as much strength as you can muster.

-grab hold

It seems to make the water raise even quicker, all the more angry

-rise even more quickly

Colors and figures become indistinctic from one another and blur together out of the corner of your eye, forming again when you look at their direction.

-Indistinct

It’s a couple of seconds before he breathes in deeply and faces you, face still red by extertion.

-red with exertion

“If only,” His face twitches in something you assume to be a smirk, then continues. “if only I knew what I’m writting.”

-into something
-writing

The logistics’ team approves of your judgement.

-logistics team

Respective paperwork delivered, she turns Her chair around and goes to check on another one of your coworkers, who has been staring into nothingness since you woke up and only now regained proper consciousness and is shouting their lungs off. Usual stuff.

-turns her chair
-has only now regained

It’s probably not too urgent an issue, writing is something you can touch up when you’re about to wrap up the project.

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You can actually say “grab ahold of”. It has the same meaning as “grab hold of”. But it’s “ahold” not “a hold”.

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That´s really useful, thank you!

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Also, a more optional suggestion, but the WIP thread title does not tell us much about your project. You might want to add a brief description or some tags to the title to better grab attention from the folks here, once you have the member trust level.

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Hiii i quite like the idea of a dreamwalker, but i did noticed that the sometimes the it can be a bit wordy but thats js a personal opinion! :heart_hands:

  1. He’s as still as a corpse, back turned against you.
    2)The typebars are missing, rendering it useless. (i dont think you need to add that it can’t be used again)
    3)…scaring off a plethora of silver fishes in the process.
    4)The rooms water level has reached your lips, so you tilt your head up, attempting to breathe.
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This image in stats is weird

Haha, that’s fair. It’s a placeholder

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