(WIP) Deathclaw - preview out of nowhere and also a mutant's tragic story


#1

Hey everyone. Some of you may already know me for my other WIP, The Wight King, and for those that don’t, well I’m just another average Jack desperately pretending to be a writer.

I’ve created this topic to present the preview of a side project of mine. As it is a preview there will be no choices (yet). It is only meant to show off a part of the plot and the story’s universe.

As such you will read the tale of a ‘canonical’ Deathclaw.

Now, here’s a quick exposition to let you know what this is all about:

Twenty years ago the world had its first taste of chaos since the old days. With the resurgence came back the monsters we had forgotten. Humanity, in disarray was taken by surprise, we had grown soft and the monsters devastated us. Only our superior technology allowed us to shield ourselves from this new threat behind gigantic walls and weapons able to destroy even the terrifying monsters. However the resurgence had brought another surprise with it, slowly the young generation began to present exceptional powers. Mutants, they were called, the traumatism so fresh in the mind of humanity came back in full force. To prevent waves of panic and abuse, the government hunted every powered down, either to kill or capture them. From then on, the state had taken complete control of society. And another dark age began. I am Deathclaw, one of the first powered born into this world. I have many grudges to settle, it is time for me to get retribution for all of my kind.

And finally, the link to the preview:
https://dashingdon.com/play/bl00dragon/deathclawpreview/mygame/index.php?cb=79798

Have a nice read! And don’t hesitate to drown me with feedback!


The Wight King(WIP - REVAMPED) Poll at post 2917 for side-project - half of chapter 1 done (12/05/2018)
#2

Oh a chameleon in the capital wasteland? Mohave? Boston?


  • Star shimmered in the midnight sky liks jewels laid onto the midnight sky.

  • stars, like

  • The streets were filled with people walking as if in a waking nightmare, anxious looks adressed at their own kind, as if they were one of Them. Human monsters, like me.

    • addressed

  • Accelerating with every second, I dive-bombed toward the closest guard. And in the split-second before Impact, shifted into the air to delive an axe kick onto his neck. My momentum sending his skull crashing into the ground, as my foot sent gaping cracks running onto the concrete, the impact reverbarating into my whole body. The other was stuck between shock and horror, and before he could even utter a gasp, was silenced with a stroke of my blade. His troath carved open into a torrent of blood. He futilely clasped his hand onto the wound, trying to stop the flow. Useless, a cut from my blades cannot close on its own. I could still commend the effort though, most would have passed out immediately. I didn’t have to wait for long. He dropped like a stone, lying in a slowly growing puddle of his own blood.

    • deliver, reverberating, throat

  • Of couse even with the fewer guards, there was still the cameras. I was too fast to let those catch me, I simply passed where their watchful eye couldn’t see me. Barely a handful of minutes later I arrived at my destination. Four guards, two cameras. I didn’t want to take chances, the guards weren’t trouble, but they were in direct line of sight of the cameras. I had to go around them.

    • course
  • Luckily, Wire’s intel was accurate. Like to build things big. The airduct was just large enough for me to crawl in. A tight fit though, maybe a diet was in order. I arrived quickly to the right opening and squeezed through. Or at least tried to. I was blocked when I got to my midrif

    • midriff
  • For fuck’s sake, I’m not that fat! I ended up having to cut through the duct to get out. And unceremoniously fall on my face. Definitely not telling anyone about this. I’m lucky there was no camera in this room or I’ll probably be all over the net by now. This was an officer-only room, and judging by the coppery scent hanging over certain spot of a more crimson shade, I could guess why not cameras were installed. My target was a great room, all of smoked wood and deep burgundy colors. Reeking of cigar and alcohol. The room was filled with folders, maps, plans of all kind, not what I came for but at least I took heart in the fact that all of this would burn nonetheless. And in the center laid a gigantic table, surrounded with twelve comfortable chairs, and a thirteenth twice the size of the others at its far end. The high contable’s I presumed. Felt like compensation to me, like the seat of one of those bad villains from a lame show I used to watch as a kid. What was more interesting however, was the immense screen behind it. My goal, the beating, numeric heart of the city’s authority.

    • constable’s
  • And once struck, it would broadcast our message accross the land. To the last screen and radio, to anything that it could. With this, the revolution begins. Our kind would unite for our freedom, and our right to exist. Whether they wanted to or not, the time wasn’t to half-measures anymore.

    • across
  • And now wasn’t the time for monologuing either. I’d be late for the show. I pressed the button carefully with the side of my blade. She wasn’t usually so thoughtful about others, it’d have been awkward to activate complicated machinery with hands like mine.

    • thoughtful


#3

An insectoid thingy actually. Thank you for the typos by the way.


#4

Do you mean midriff?


#5

Welcome.


  • Just as I brought the machine to life, the screen flared to life. Programs flashing open and closed, Wire’s usual efficiency, it wouldn’t be long. I had to give it to her, from the top of her sixteen years was as much of an expert in virtual hacking as I was an expert in litteral hacking. And in less than a minute, one of the most secure system in the world was cracked open.
    • literal
  • Wire’s plan was simple. The entire database was taken apart, relevant data cut and uploaded, everything else erased thoroughly. Intel for us, trouble for them, nothing but benefits. Well they wouldn’t lose everything, but a great deal of data would be unique to this city, without copies whatshowever. The hack only left behind the bare-boned system to launch the two other phases before the grand finale. We will open every locked door in the complex, including the lab’s cages. To free the powered held inside. And finally, a little speech, our honoured leader’s treat. My work here was done.
    • whatsoever? :man_shrugging:

  • I started to leap accross the walls instead of taking the stairs, with each impacts of my feet cracking the reinforced concrete and giving off worrying sounds for the guards to wonder about. “I want you to know I am one of the powered so many fear. I am not ashamed of what I am, neither shall others of my kind be, I know all of you have reasons to fear us. But I ask you to overcome them at least until you listened to me. Be you human or otherwise, be you powered or not, hear me, for tonight we forge our future together.” she wielded silence like a scepter, a subtle demand of obedience “Your government lies to you, squashes down anyone or anything that would go against them. This is not acceptable.” her tone harsh and strong, as if declaring the one and only truth.

    • across
  • I could hear the syrens in the distance, wrathful cries drawing closer. The whirring of the engines of airborne transports was already there however, almost as silent as the metallic cords lowered to let soldiers rappel down to me. Damn it, I couldn’t hear it over the ambient panic. I had to speed up, I could already hear the thumping of heavy boots inching closer. I was finally free of the staircase, the HQ tower of this city was quite high for this city. Almost comically oversized. All the while, Fourteen continued her speech “We will not watch idle as our own government tramples underfoot our principles of freedom, equality and justice.” I could easily imagine her gloved fist raised high, clenched in barely restrained wrath “We will not stand aside as those that rule over us take our powered sons and daughters to butcher them into their labs. We refuse to kneel anymore!” I could hear her fist hammered down, as it seemed she once again set the world silent.

    • sirens

  • Just as my feet touched the ground once more, a heavy form barrelled through the hole in the ceiling, landing in a crash of pulverized concrete, sending dust in a thick cloud.

    • barreled

  • Quite a stunt, brave, stupid, with a touch of insanity… I got the feeling this was not average Joe that came crashing down, but with the dust hiding it from me it would’ve been hazardous to rush it down. Hells, I should slap myself everytime I’m about to say ‘too easy’, it would teach me to stop jinxing my own missions with crap like that. Or probably not, I must be one of the most unlucky person in the world anyway.

    • Hells?, every time
  • From the dust raged the screech of deploying metal, engines launching into a feral roar, thrusters firing up in a blaze of glory. In its right hand a thunderous blade of black metal crackling into the open air with barely restrained energy, anti-riot grenade launchers on its shoulders and in its left hand a long cannon rippling with electricity red-hot proppellers turning air into steam, a railgun, a powerful one. At least it was cooling down for now. On its hull, was proudly displayed the decal of a plate gauntlet grasping a strand of thunder. A mecha, wait, I stand corrected, not ‘a’ mecha, a brand-new prototype, sleek and polished. There was not mistaking that for anyone else.

    • propellers
  • Commander Valhart, wearing into the field the latest toy the lab monkeys designed, the Fulguris. The good commander was what you call a government’s watchdog, and one that does more than bark at that. One of the best pilot in history. “Well, well, what do we have here? A mutant sowing chaos on my watch? That won’t do at all.” they said in a metallic, modified voice while wagging a chidding, oversized finger at me. “Decline your identity and turn yourself in and I won’t have to send a broken doll back to the eggheads.” The Fulguris was a beautiful piece of technology, the kind that was built during the Wolven War centuries ago from relics and rare metals, it may even surpass them. We didn’t know all that much about the Fulguris, mostly rumours, but I could tell enough from sight. Three meters heavy metal, a sleek hull painted in the silver and blue that Valhart often bears, graceful articulations supporting lean limbs armed with the best weaponry available. Nothing like the mass-produced crap you see these days, much lighter, much stronger and much quicker. I probably was in trouble there. The clock was ticking and all the while Fourteen continued to talk. I wasn’t sure I had the time to play catch-up with this ace.

    • pilots, chiding
  • It seemed like she held in her hand the heart of an entire city, and that all were charmed into sharing her anger, in the city were rising the shouts of those who had enough “We will rise, and we will show the government we are not afraid! We will take arms, and together create a new world into which we could all cohexist."

    • coexist

  • It as if I laid my eyes on this city for the first. The buildings were tainted in crimson, as much by fires as by the lights of the authorities’ vehicles, hateful cries seeming to rise from everywhere at once along with the riots spreading through the city. In my eyes, it was as if a mad god had taken over the city. The projected from the flames seemed to engulf the city in all their gigantic monstrosity. Chaos without limit. Maybe a necessary evil, but evil nonetheless. I fetl as if finally understood the scale of my act. With the snap of a match, the city had gone blazing with insanity.

    • felt
  • Magnificient work in there. Thank you.”

    • magnificent
  • I grinned in answer “Of course, Boss. I’m nothing if not magnificient.”

    • magnificent

#6

I didn’t see you were the author, and the misspelled title made me think this would be an edgy Fallout ripoff with bad grammar


#7

I messed up again!!! Damn it! :sweat_smile:


#8

That’s actually legit I think.


#9

You need to break the text into smaller sections, it’s like a wall of text and not to mention that there’s no choices to make.


#10

I did the breaking down last and in quite a hurry, so I was expecting people to say this. I’m going to take care of this as soon as I can.


#11

I like the concept but you really have to brush up on the grammar and typos as text seems to awful to read as it is…but still I think you were in a hurry and probably would have written hastily too…:stuck_out_tongue:


Anyhow like I said I really love the concept. :gift_heart:


#12

Finally my dreams of being a Deathclaw can come true!


#13

How old is the MC during the story?


#14

The story begins with the MC being 14, in the scene I posted, Deathclaw is a young man. Probably 20. Why do you ask?


#15

Was just wondering about it. Like what there is so far?


#16

For now Deathclaw is in its earlier stage. The beggining is defined, this scene will later appear in the story, and many plot points are already clear in my head. But there’s still much to do.


#17

I’ve took care of what typos @Dark_Stalker spotted for me. Don’t hesitate to point out typos if you find more.


#18

By the way, I’ve decided to put up a true demo later, with choices that will allow you to shape your Deathclaw in the kind of person you want as well as other, tactical options.

Now, it won’t be soon though. Because this preview is actually part of something I wanted to do with my readers of The Wight King. This is the first of three preview I intended to post so that my readers have a global vision of what it will be about and hold a vote to know which they like the most. The other two are still ongoing, but one of them is almost ready and only necessitates to be rewritten in a cleaner and more recent version.

I invite to keep an eye out on the topic of my main work:


For more informations, and to be alerted immediately once the demo for Deathclaw will be ready, when the two others will be released, and for the vote once it is done. And also to play the Wight King if you haven’t already! (I’m shamelessly advertising my own game, ah!)

Also, I’ll make use of making a playable version to enhance this preview further. Hopefully take care of most typos and horrible grammar mistakes I made! And address some other troubles a friend pointed to me.


#19

I would like to be notified I’ve read both and I feel in love as soon as I read the first page of The Wight King this is the book I’ve been wanting so so long for I was crushed when it finished where it left off but I believe deathclaw will be just as wonderful hope the progress goes smooth


#20

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