[WIP] Blue Dominion [70k Demo] [420k Full Text] Book One

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry that this obvious Ai slop, has 40 likes and one paid user on patreon.

Apparently this is against the rules and I am wrong, I am outie.

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I can assure you this work is original writing. I’ve been developing Blue Dominion for nearly four years now—from mapping out plot threads to branching critical consequences, I’ve done it all. This project began back in early high school, and it’s grown steadily thanks to the time I’ve invested, including feedback from family friends with experience in journalism and writing who’ve helped me refine my voice and structure.

I’m still new to Patreon, and while I’ve recently opened it up to the public, some early support came from close friends and family who believed in the project before the demo was even published. I’ve also kept journals, essays, and concept notes over the years—so if you’re genuinely curious, I’m more than happy to share a few behind-the-scenes documents or planning outlines through Google Docs.

That said, I understand everyone has different tastes and expectations, and hey, it’s a free country. I’m just here to grow, learn, and tell a story that matters to me, and I appreciate anyone who’s willing to give it an honest read.

Best,
Max

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I use Google Docs’ built-in spelling and grammar tools to assist with proofreading—an entirely acceptable practice within the Choice of Games community. To be fair, the demo was only recently published, which likely explains the current number of likes (around 40). That seems pretty reasonable at this stage. As for my Patreon, it’ll primarily feature community polls that help shape key narrative branches, including possible endings and in-game achievements.

Best,
Max

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Man you have to show evidence as to why it’s AI? Haven’t played the demo yet but before claiming something is AI please gather sufficient evidence

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I love italics… I’m not sure what you mean? Look, I’m trying my best with this project. And yes, I have to manually click the italic button. :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

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I was always told that Italics gives a more professional look on smaller notes. Over time, I began slanting my cursive in a way that resembled italics, and it just stuck with me.

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I could be wrong, but it’s some pieces like the author notes, how they reply in this thread and some other stuff that I won’t get in here.

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Ah, I see. I’m a real person if that’s what you’re asking lmao. I just prefer to be more formal in my replies. To be honest, putting the italics in each message is a pain in the neck.

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Hi all,

Please remember that while Hosted Games categorically does not publish AI-generated writing or art, accusing people of using AI is against the forum rules:

@Max_Ferran, welcome to the forum. Feel free to use italics, but it does make posts less easy to read. You don’t have to sign your posts, and please respond to multiple people in one post rather than separate ones and make one post at a time, as it helps keep threads tidy. Thanks!

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Maybe, I should reread the rules. I will see myself out.

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Hey Harris, thanks for the clarification. I’ll be sure to take out the italics. I’m relatively new to the forum, although I’ve bought countless HGs on the Google app store.

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Just a quick announcement.

I’ve been thinking about releasing another 20,000 words soon, specifically the section that takes place the day after your character visits the marketplace. Right now, the current 70,000-word alpha is split across multiple routes due to some long-form missions, so adding this next piece would help balance the pacing and expand on the central narrative. I’m really grateful for the positive feedback so far—and a huge thank you to those who’ve messaged or emailed me with ideas for the Chrono-Spire puzzle (yes, it’s been a week and I still haven’t been able to fix it) as well as suggestions for refining the advanced combat system. You all are helping this story become something truly special!

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Hey everyone! I’ve just released the 20,000-word update. For those supporting on Patreon, you’ll also get access to an additional 40,000 words that aren’t part of the public demo. Right now, the total word count for the text adventure is nearing 300,000—and with all the ChoiceScript functions and branching paths, I’m expecting the full release to hit around 425,000 words. Super excited to keep building this world with you!

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Damn, that was a quick update

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@Dragomer
I wasn’t really sure how long the alpha demo should be, so I decided to extend it a bit. Funny enough, I actually wrote that section over two years ago. Most of the story is already written—aside from Part 3, which is proving to be a real challenge, especially since most Hosted Games tend to have four or more main endings.

Update: Thank you to the moderators for adjusting the slow mode settings!

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Looking for a few graphic designers to create illustrations in the demo. Feel free to reach out!

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Summary

You’re missing the opening quotation marks:

The voices said NINE hours. Wage theft is generally more subtle than this. >_>

Or two? Also, the teller’s answer makes no sense. The 11h dude worked the same shift, so he’s being paid for the same day in the same day, so “the factory is paying less today” doesn’t explain the discrepancy.

I started with 3h45m, so it would appear I really DID get paid nine hours:

Rogue code:

I mean, there’s also the pretty big difference that I stole from the tyrannical, murderous government and she stole from two poor bastards.

I broke the game. If you visit the stats screen at the “how to deal with the vending machine” choice and then return, the choice goes away:


and when you click “Next” it gives you a success:

And if you reload a saved game prior to that (mine is at the vending machine drink choice) the “what to do about the stuck vending machine” choice doesn’t show up again.

What happened to I and II and why are none of these options “look for Jace behind the kebab stand or wherever it was Eri said I could find him”? Also, I hvae no idea what the Veiled Hand is. Have they been mentioned already and I just missed it?

Rogue code:

I think there’s something off about the Merchants Guild investigation mission. When I go to interview the guard it mentions details I don’t remember seeing. :thinking: Maybe I just missed them? :thinking:

I DEFINITELY think you need to add a considerable chunk of info to the start of Echo’s “audition”. I was absolutely, completely lost at the start.

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Shouldn’t this be tagged as gender locked female?

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Up thread it’s stated that a male route will be added. Since they’re made separately, I’m assuming that there’s going to be some variation to it

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Hi JBento, there are definitely some errors I’m working through. I’m still learning the ins and outs of ChoiceScript (even with a Python background!), so it’s been a process. For example, I recently changed the starting time, which explains why that particular error is still popping up.

As for the Veiled Hand (the assassin’s guild), I actually wrote a full chapter about them, but the code for it is currently broken—so I temporarily removed it from the demo until I can fix it. That missing content is part of why some elements in the missions might feel out of place right now. I also plan to add a short chapter before the marketplace scene to help with narrative flow and context.

Additionally, some of the item prices in the multiple-choice options are just placeholders at the moment. I still need to balance them properly to reflect the in-world economy.

The vending machine interaction uses a weighted dice roll: there’s a small chance the drink gets stuck, and a rare chance of receiving two instead. The discrepancy in pay during the Time Teller mission is actually meant to be her mocking the player, though I realize I probably need to make that clearer.

Lastly, the wrist timer can currently dip into negative numbers because I haven’t implemented the death scenes yet. It’s definitely on my list of fixes.

Thanks again for playing and taking the time to leave detailed notes; it’s incredibly helpful as I continue to refine the demo!

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