Yay so excited! Can’t wait to read the update after work 
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When I’m in the stats menu and click ‘Hunter Information’ this pops up - ‘choicescript_stats line 309: Non-existent variable ‘he’’
Screenshots aren’t uploading, sorry.
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whoops, sorry! fixed now <3
hope you enjoy it!!
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Rylan trails off and when he glances over at me, face bathed in a wash of red from the traffic light, I know that I’m never getting the end of that sentence.
There are no jokes, no amused glimmer in his eye, no smirk tugging on the corner of his lips. Nothing but the sincerity from a memory of someone else’s kindness.
“Thank you for not saying anything to him,” Rylan tells me. “I know I act like everything’s a joke, but this time I mean it. Khalil is one of the only good things I have left—I want to hold onto it while I can.”
I stare at him, at a loss for words. And when the light turns green and the crossing light says we can go, I’m left behind as he continues without me.
I don’t see that side of him again for the rest of the night.
This right here. Awesome writing.
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aw man, what a compliment. i adored that scene so i’m happy to know it’s been received well <3
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God how I hate half the ROs in this story. The plot and interactions makes everything worthwhile however. Good stuff.
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oh my god yes! i honestly had to stop for a bit just because some of the ros are just downright mean and annoying to the point that all my hope to maybe romance them ends up in the ditch. that’s one of the reason why im holding off from playing this rn, cause i couldnt for the life of me find the motivation to interact with them. i was hoping to honestly romance B but i cant be bothered to put up with his bullshit lmaoo. all the ros are just not my taste ig idk.
i remember stopping at the point where R got into my apartment cause i just couldnt handle B’s bullshit lmao. i was hopefully waiting for something to pop up that would make me like an ro but so far ehhh. also trying to romance B seems awkward for me lmao. there is just too much hatred for any love to blossom. also everyone is so awkward around each other and its so funny lmaoo. its fine though, thats just a personal problem of mine.
wonderful story though. i love the whole premise you have here and how you take us through your story.
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There’s been a lot of clubs have a lot of bars that have weird and worse than that knave you take the cake of worse club owner pretty much the same in your place the obvious of a murder hideout hell I can be worse than mister Fisher dance club that place closed down very quick it only lasted a year for health code violations and someone got hurt
wow i enjoyed this update !! And how we get to see a different side of Rylan that was so cute 
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While for me, I am fundamentally different to Rylan to the point that almost everything he says pisses me off. I’ve actively tried picking every hostile option at every conceivable chance to get him to hate me and that unflappable man just keeps on coming. I must say I admire Rylan’s tenacity.
B on the other hand I don’t have an issue with personality wise, however, the constant dick-measuring contest and overall aura of pettiness lost all respect from me. So I antagonise B, though I am pretty sure if there were more instances to interact where B isn’t trying to go “A-ha! I win!” would make me enjoy the character more.
K is a self-absorbed, holier-than-thou prick. I like his personality overall and I think he has some of the best dialogue so far, but trying to work with him around his attitude makes me want to punch him in the face.
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i don’t know if you noticed yet and i didn’t see you not request it so. There is a typo at the first name page
I highlighted it i hope it helps. If you didn’t want typo help sorry.
I wonder if there’s something planned for the end of the game where your relationship stats with certain characters determine a sort of, “where are they now” thing, like whether or not you and A stay partners or get reassigned or something like that. Because if so, my character is super screwed - I’ve been picking all the options that lower my relationship with the other characters, and not only is my character’s relationship with them firmly in the toilet, it’s down in the double-digit negatives.
I didn’t think to grab a screenshot, but my current relationship stats as of this update sit at a very “healthy:”
A(rden): -13%
B(lane): 5% (but only because I haven’t been interacting with her as much)
N(oele): -15%
K(aia): 1%
Rylan: -25% (my character really went all in on hating Rylan in particular)
The downside to being a full Negative Nancy is that my character is also horribly racist, so I think when I go back and do a proper playthrough, my legit character is going to be significantly nicer.
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Aah, the update was great! Blane may be my favorite character so I can’t wait for more content with them, but spending time with Rylan and K was amazing too.
It’s interesting cause Rylan was the character I liked the less - and by a significant margin - when the WIP went live. Really not my type, generally speaking. But in a strange way, they won me over. And not only a bit, considering I think they are now my second favorite, somehow. I think the most pivotal moment for that was their reaction when the MC didn’t try to stop them, when they were leaving their home (if the whole interaction was positive and so on, of course).
The more I see of them, the more I think they are really sweet, in their weird sarcastic and nonchalant way. And also fairly touching.
So yeah, sure, I don’t and won’t like them more (or even as much as) Blane, but it’s still amazing how much my opinion shifted!
Two small issues I had:
- What I think is a small issue in the code this time around, during breakfast, at the start of the game:
*if (alike>60)
"What? Losing an eye to a werewolf isn’t bad enough for you?" I tease.
${Arion} grins. "No, but that one definitely takes second place."
*else
"There's no way we've had one worse than the werewolf," I reply, unconvinced.
${Arion} shrugs. "To you, maybe, but to me, that one will only ever take second place."
I don’t believe it’s possible to have 60 affinity with A at this point? It starts at 50, then it’s possible to get 5 with the best friend status, and 2 with being nice to them later, so 57 total.
- Another thing I only realized now - during the media room scene, one of the things that can be selected is “Look at one of your old cases.”
But the narration is first person, so shouldn’t that choice option say “Look at one of my old cases”?
I think that’s it for this time! I’m so hyped for more!
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uh, i literally didn’t know it was possible to be that low with the ros, especially A. i’ll have to see what i end up doing with that knowledge because i didn’t really think anyone would try and do that kind of route (i stand corrected). i’ll figure it out.
oh this is really nice to hear actually. Blane is probably the character i enjoy writing the most because i think they’re the most interesting but obviously they’re not the best received. it actually warms my heart to know they’re your favourite.
and i’m super happy to see that the chapter shifted your opinion on Rylan! it’s super cool for me to see that certain interactions and scene can make such an impact.
i struggle with this a lot actually so maybe i’ll change it for when the full game comes out. i usually do second person in the choices despite writing in first person because i feel like it makes more sense, but if it doesn’t i’ll keep that in mind.
the other piece of code is definitely a mistake though so thanks!
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Yeah, at a certain point I was just thinking to myself, “how have these people not crucified me yet?” Some of the options made my skin crawl a little bit, too, with how vicious they were written, so kudos on that. I tend to make characters with wits like a whip in the first place, but some of the meaner options I chose really had me going, “damn, tell us how you really feel, Mr. Protagonist.”
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Huh, really? I find it surprising, honestly… 
It’s a hit or miss for me, but the “jerk character” archetype tends to be popular, so I would have thought they’d be more popular. I guess it’s due to the fact I don’t truly consider them to be that archetype, even if some may see it that way because of how they act. Like, sure, they DO act like a jerk with the MC at the time being, but they are not your stereotypical “jerk character” and maybe it makes them look strange to people who’d usually like that archetype? Blane seems to be extremely sensitive and an extreme introvert, despite knowing how to go by on their own perfectly fine. It is pretty different of the insane confidence and self-assurance (and in some cases aloofness) of most “jerk characters”.
Eh, I dunno, I just have that feeling that if some people may not like them it would be because to them they may feel like they “should” be one type of character, but they are not truly, or something. Not that I consider “should” to be a valid thing there, but that’s another thing.
ANYWAY, my point is, I love Blane, and I like the fact the MC can say to A in their opinion they are not that bad, and mostly misunderstood, because I feel like this is true in-universe and IRL just as much!
Technically, the major shifting point was in the last chapter, but this one helped “solidify” that, so yeah!
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I’ve been following this for a while and I’m interested to see where the story and characters go. I’m not a prolific commenter, and I know it can be rough getting so much feedback on characters you feel like you’ve nurtured and curated as a writer, so I just wanted to say that I think it’s awesome how engaged you are with everyone throughout the writing process, it’s really appreciated.
One thing I did want to voice is that, and this may be due to my interpretation/ past experiences, but I was sometimes unsettled by the amount of violence/ animosity directed at the MC. Sometimes it felt a bit unfounded or disproportionate, and as you’ve mentioned, certain characters are unsympathetic towards the MC from the get go, so even if the MC was hurt physically/emotionally, they would not be inclined to apologise. I completely appreciate that this is just the beginning, but at the moment I’m really struggling to be drawn in by the characters. I feel like I often read a scene but wasn’t sure if it really told me much about the characters in it.
I won’t go into Blane’s treatment of MC, as others have commented on this already, but I was quite shocked at the casual, extreme violence that Rylan enacts on a tolerant, pacifist MC. I enjoy action and violence in my IF games, so I’m struggling to analyse why exactly this feels so jarring. Overall, I really hope there is the opportunity to have some form of justice/reconciliation down the line, and more opportunities to express ourselves and set boundaries as the MC.
I do hope that you take what I’ve said as just a passing opinion, and I look forward to following this story to the end.
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I have expressed similar opinions before and I must say I agree with you on the overwhelming amount of animosity and violent tendencies thrown at the MC.
I absolutely understand that there are people who will hate you in life the moment they lay eyes on you and/or for no apparent reason, that’s alright. However, I think that in the context of a story there should at least be prior reasoning for it or have the reader engage either actively or passively on why things happened.
There would absolutely be no problem whatsoever - to me - if I had seen or been told what, in no uncertain terms, had transpired between the MC and B before the main story so that when we interact I can understand why the character is constantly trying to get into a dick-measuring contest. At least this way I might be inclined to see beyond that and try to reach out to them.
As it stands, I have zero inclination to do so because every interaction has been either cold indifference or plain animosity with no tangible history. Which just leads me to going “Well, then screw you too.”
While on the flipside there are weirdly conflicting actions taken by the other characters such as Rylan being violent towards a pacifist MC. It had already been established that Rylan escaped your grasp before, why would he go to such lengths as to fight you when from the start he wanted your help? Especially if you’re willing to talk.
On top of that, even if you absolutely refute everything he says and is openly hostile to him he will still get all casual friendly chit-chat to the MC later on. Even attempt to get them to know you better. Like uhh, excuse me? Didn’t you beat the ever living crap out of me earlier and didn’t I tell you to “fuck off”?
This is part of the reason why I read IF stories with a focus/heavy emphasis on Romance with a degree of hesitance. I feel like unless if the story gives proper depths, complexity and development to every RO (which is bloody damn difficult) regardless if you actually want to romance/be friends with them or not then the story gets populated with a bunch of characters you are not engaged in; don’t particularly care for; but have to engage with whether you like it or not. Which - to me - almost ruins the experience, unless if the story is extremely well crafted such as this one and others.
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Even though my pure negative run is just for the hell of it and I don’t actually intend to play a character who’s an extremely racist sourpuss towards everyone, I did actually find myself coming to dislike just about all the intended ROs for one reason or another, and it factors a lot into what you’re saying about them not really being nuanced enough - or rather, for me, the nuances they have just grate against me in a way that I don’t particularly care for. No matter how clear I make it that my character’s intent is to continue hunting Rylan down regardless of how the plot plays out, she always laughs it off like I’m full of hot air, and so far all of one time was shocked and offended by it. Like, lady, at no point in time have you managed to change my opinion of you, I’ve actively attempted to attack you every time I had the chance, and every other time we’ve interacted, I’ve informed you on no uncertain terms that I still intend to haul you before a judge, why does it suddenly surprise you that I’m not your friend?
I have similar grievances with the other characters too, but I don’t want this comment to turn into an essay, so I’ll just leave it there.
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