What a Brilliant Existence! (NOW ON TALES!)

Hosted Games Works In Progress
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Hey there! Welcome to my brand new WIP, What a Brilliant Existence! This is my first time doing anything of the sort, so please bear with me.

In this slice-of-life, modern fantasy, character and relationship-focused game, you’ll play as an eighteen year old with the power to control all four elements recently freed from the grasp of your abusive, controlling mother, who now has to learn how to deal with the outside world.

You’ll befriend (and/or romance, if that floats your boat) four different people (one for each element) who will try to help you as much as they can, but, in all honesty, at the end of the day, everyone’s a bit messed up.

RO descriptions

Sydney Blanchard: a Water Elemental appointed to be your “carer” while you adapt to the real world. They’re kind, humble and worry about your safety nearly as much as they breathe.
Dani dos Reis: the Fire Elemental who bartends at the place you sometimes frequent. They’re confident and flirty, and seems to have taken a liking to you.
Alex Huntley: they’re as friendly as they are anxious, not to mention a bit shy. This Air Elemental starts living in the same building as you.
Max Huntley: Max is an Earth Elemental whom you meet through Dani. They’re exceedingly quiet and grumpy, but you don’t think they mean any harm.

Game structure

The plan is for the game to be divided into three parts, each one containing five chapters, meaning we’ll total 15 chapters at the end. The story will have a few (small) time skips here and there. At the very least, it’ll span about a year on the MC’s life.

What I’m looking for feedback-wise:

  • Odd sentences (although I am fluent in English, it is not my first language)
  • Grammar mistakes/coding errors;
  • Is there something you wished you were able to do or say, but the game didn’t let you? Tell me.
  • Anything that put you out of the game; a scene that was too fast, some weird dialogue, etc.

Please read the last post! This is now on Tales!

New Tumblr

If you like my work, please consider buying me a coffee.

Enjoy! :slight_smile:

May 24th Update: The rest of Chapter One has been uploaded.
August 24th Update: Chapter Two is here.
December 3rd Update Chapter Three has arrived.
Current total word count: 61.5k, including command lines.

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Oh, this was so much fun to read! I loved the backstory of the character and the trauma you’re playing with–it’s so much fun to go between flashbacks and see how the character reacts to a grittier, more liberating life they had never really experienced. I’m really excited to see how much the mother plays into the story and the characters soon to come.

Also, I already love Dani and Sydney. They’re so different from one another, but there’s something so fun in interacting with them because no matter what the MC is kind of just like ??? friendship ??? and I think the way you built them so far is really cool. I’m really excited to read and learn more.

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Great start! I like the characters so far and love where the plot is going. Look forward to seeing more.

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I like what you have so far.

I do want to caution you a bit, you will need to give extra special attention (and time) to the external vs. internal reactions of the MC with this kind of story. I obviously do not know what your plans are, but from what I’ve read already, I was questioning it a little so, thought it might be good to bring it up.

for example- The part with Sydney, when they talk about “being paid to care” externally on the outside seems fine, but internally on the inside such a person as the MC, would likely have a much stronger and different reaction perhaps anger and/or feeling really hurt that they’d try to cover up and not show- that is if I’ve read it correctly and if not then uh my bad I guess?

So yeah, it’s good, but be careful of such interactions and you’ll be golden.

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Thank you all for the nice words! I’m glad you seem to be having as much fun as me haha There have already been a few Tumblr followers even, which is pretty surprising. I realize posting this on a Sunday evening was not the best time, so I’m glad there’s still been some feedback.
@catsmoke Look, let me honest - I’m not sure what you’re talking about? Maybe it’s my sleepiness (it’s almost midnight where I am), but, if I understand correctly, you don’t believe the MC is reacting properly to thinking Sydney doesn’t really care about them?
If so, I’d like to say that I thought their internal dialogue makes it clear that they don’t fully trust Sydney (even though the latter is trying sooo hard :pleading_face:) and that part of the reason is that, well, it’s Sydney’s job.
What do you think is off here? Genuine question. :slight_smile:

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Okay, first please know I meant for that advice to be more general rather than specific, with that as a good example of the kind of interactions I meant.

What you wrote is not really a wrong reaction exactly, every mind and experience is truly different afterall. However, speaking as a survivor who does have issues, I might react differently. That specific line, to me could easily be interperated instead as “you are so worthless, pathetic and so far gone, that nobody could ever pay enough to care, not that anyone could care for you anyway” even if that’s not what Syd was actually saying. Now, following that, a person who has been through that kind of life, would be likely to feel strong anger and/or hurt at that those thoughts. That’s is how someone from MC’s background might react internally, but try to show next to nothing. That is just from MY experience though.

I was just trying to say that that is the kind of stuff you should think about when writing those kind of scenes.

I’m not sure if I picked up on the not trusting bit honestly, as I default to not really trusting people, so I can’t comment on that part of your question fairly. I hope I cleared up your confusion though.

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I liked the characters and your idea so far :grin: Good luck on your progress!!

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Thank you for the input! Everyone reacts differently, as you said, but I’ll be sure to think about that.

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This is interesting when do we use our elements

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Right now, the MC is a bit weak regarding their elements (thanks, mom).

Don’t worry, though. You’ll get your powers back eventually.

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I’m hooked. Can’t wait for the update!

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I dig this for sure. Very well written and I’m also a huge sucker for the vulnerable protagonist kinda deal. Can barely wait for some delicious updates!

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I like the fact that the mc has a nervous tic and that we get to choose what it is. I love little details like that, and the rest of the demo is well-written too.

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I love your way of writing! It’s nice to have a character with a lot of emotional baggage. The MC’s mother had me kind of worked up because I gravitate towards those types. The characters had a lot of personality for a demo. Please keep on keeping on!

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@DevilTheCupcake @Pigeon Thank you so much! I’m glad people seem to be enjoying this :slight_smile: And I agree, I love it when games give us the choice to little details like that. The MC is an (understandably) anxious person, and the tics are a way to channel that. It’s not like they could have any vices anyway haha
@Jethrone_Powers thank you! If there’s one thing the MC definitely has, it’s emotional baggage :frowning: Weirdly enough, I’m glad Celeste ticks you off - that’s how the MC has felt their whole life lol

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I really like what you write and the way you wrote it, not to mention the content
You did a great job

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I am so in love with this game already!

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I’m really enjoying this so far and am curious to see how the MC deals with their mother in the coming chapters. I’m also interested in seeing how you play with the stats you’ve set up and how they’ll affect gameplay. Other than that, I love how most of the next buttons are actually contributing to the story!

I think the only thing I was actually confused about was the Medallions, since they were mentioned a few times and I didn’t actually realise they were a type of drug until about halfway through.

Good luck with the rest of it! I’m definitely looking forward to seeing how this story plays out.

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@Olivia_Murrell Thank you so much! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: That’s so sweet

@FantaPop Playing with stats might be one of the more interesting, if challenging parts. I’d like to let the player have agency and not feel like they have to stick to one type of MC for the entire game while still having different interactions depending on how you’ve been playing.
Thank you for the kind words and the feedback! I hear you about the Medallions. My intention was to keep it a bit mysterious in the beginning, but I’ll definitely reread what I wrote and see if it comes across as more confusing than interesting.

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So far, the game seems really cool! It’ll be really fun to see where this goes. I like the player character a lot- they aren’t just some blank slate we can fill in, but a character all on their own that we can change, and their character is written pretty well!

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