Ah, that definitely was not as clear. It felt more like Vizier and Pharaoh were more on equal footing, specially with Narmer’s common origins (rather then direct bloodline). That would make even noble MC being starstruck feel more natural.
I still like the idea of faithful vs cynical and it effecting how much you buy into all of it.
Shoot…my poor thief. He’s like a pebble crushing on a mountain. 
Narmer and the vizier work together (mostly through letters cuz Narmer rarely visits), but yeah, they are not on the same social ladder. Narmer is very clearly above him. I have to make that explanation more clear then, that’s good to know.
In the beginning, I was considering making that a stat. But then I would have to apply that to your faith in gods in general, and that would be very much out of character. People back then believed in the gods because there was no other explanation. It was completely logical to them that the gods existed. For us, that seems weird because now we have science that can explain thunderstorms and plagues and stuff like that. Back then, the explanation was that it was the gods. Same with the pharaoh. He’s sitting on that throne because Horus gave him power. Now we know better (or do we? 
) but that’s what they believed back then. I’ll have to edit that scene, I feel like there was no explanation for this.
So, yeah. That’s why there is no cynical stat. I was considering it for a while tho. Anyway, very useful remarks from you guys! I’m taking notes here. (@BlueShayde I still want your stats btw whenever you have time lol)
Ok, here was my recent stats for my noble …
Hope that works. Not done this before. Lol.
Edit: yay, it did! How the heck is my snarky noble so nervous. Lol
Course, this is also my speedrun noble for testing the new choices.
Looking at stats, it could be a matter of logic vs emotion. A logical person will be more critical while emotional ppl FEEL.
I think the biggest thing was I was operating on the mindset that Narmer was closer to the same level as the Vizier’s family. Now that I know different, my noble being more starstruck makes better sense.
Still, that means I didn’t explain it properly in the text, so the scene needs to be edited anyway 
I sent you a DM about it. If you wanna beta test the new scene, write me! I wanna know if it works or not, for every character.
With existence of spirit and magic it seems believable though, if our world have magic and spirit/guardian roaming around I doubt there will be atheist, science ofc still exist because such as gravity, density, relativity, etc still parts pf the world, but it will be harder to become cynical due to existence of metaphysical being.
Largely disbelief towards Creator/God is based on lacking evidence of metaphysical being, such as Ghost, Spirit, Angel, Demon, if such lesser being exist the greater being could possibly exist even if they make their existence hidden it’s still believable, if spirit could hide then God certainly can do better that’s the logic.
Btw is there is name specific content from the list of names provided? If there is might want to let the reader know since most just making their own character name.
What do you mean specific content? Those names are only there if you don’t feel like coming up with your own name They are mostly genuine Ancient Egyptian names that existed back then (yes, the unisex names too). Some of them have meanings, you can Google it if you are curious. I just wanted to give you some examples because naming characters can be hard and having an MC called ‘Jessica’ or something would feel very out of context in the story lol
I named mine Nefertari, I am just wondering because some story have specific name that give more content like for example The brightest star.
I am wondering if this story have such extra content hidden in those recommended name.
Aaah, I see! 
No, there is no extra content for names. There will be some restrictions, for example you can’t choose to name your character Petepihu if you are playing a noble (cuz that’s your sister’s name), and stuff like that. But no, there will be no other extra content.
Edit: Wait, I’m lying. There is some very minor extra content if you name your character the same as some other NPC. It’s very minor tho, just an extra sentence or two. For example on the thief route, if you are called Thothmes, your character will internally comment on Thothmes at the guardhouse reception not remembering your name even though you two are called the same. There is also one minor comment with Tiye the waitress if you go to the city with Sesi.
Ohh okay I am asking just out of curiosity, wondering if there is sneaky hidden content.
That’s what I am curious about, good to know such thing exist, thanks for clarification. 
Thanks for you too lol. I almost forgot I wrote those things 
. But yeah, that can be fun in a game when your name comes up suddenly in a different context and you go YEEAH my name was recognized!
Extra flavor never hurts even if that’s inconsequential or minor or silly.
Finally had a bit of time to reread for the branches in the Noble origin, and I have a few thoughts.
In trying some of the additional paths I haven’t yet taken, I did think it was odd that my gay MC–in thinking about his brother’s marriage situation–was calling it “cheating” in his thoughts when even to me as a reader, I looked at the situation thinking it was actually “a mutually agreed upon arrangement” that benefits both his brother, and his brother’s wife. Seems obvious to me, given their ‘cheating’ is with a same sex partner respectively, and any ‘obligations’ are well taken care of since they had two kids together. 
Another little thing, more like humor that “risks tipping my MC’s hand” is this:
Can the MC get that permission in writing, though?!
He’d ask. He would absolutely ask, even if his father figures out why he would request it in writing. That’s not something that needs to be implemented; I’m sharing my reaction to that part of the scene.
Separate from the Noble, back at the Thief origin: the scene where you get all the way out of Thebes’ gate may need a small edit to the last bit so the transition to the very next page is less jarring.
If I compare it to the “waking up on the Nile” scene, the MC actually gets told to follow the spirit that catches the MC in that one before the “walking through Thebes alongside them” scene, but in the escape from the gate, MC gets caught, and without their given ascent–or even the spirit saying so because they don’t really say anything aside from a remark about how they caught MC–is suddenly back through the gate already halfway through the city.
The only way you get out of the city is if you time your MC’s run just right to make it out, and so even if the Spirit immediately changes back to a human form, the guards should very much have something to say about their failure to prevent MC getting out. Certainly before making it back in, anyhow. It may give a bit of insight to a Thief MC’s unfamiliarity with spirits, and how they interact with known authority reps like city guards.
I actually love that we get to chose our MCs age and that it has an affect on the romantic aspects of the game 
. I’m very curious to see how hard it’ll be to romance certain people at specific ages.
Thank you very much for the very detailed feedback 
Cheating is cheating. They didn’t agree on it. They just went behind each other’s back, I think that was clear in the text when it was called ‘cheating’. This was very heavily frowned upon back then At which part did you feel that your MC was judging them? I’m honestly curious I didn’t have that in mind at all when I wrote it, more like the MC was kinda just observing what they had heard in the rumor-mill.
Can you elaborate here, I’m not sure what you mean
I mean, that was kinda the point… I’ll see if I can make it a bit more clear
How about this: When Zaia catches you at the gates (when you try to run), they will say this instead:
“Got you, little mouse. You’re coming with me.”
Glad you like it! That part is still very much up to change, especially the descriptions you get after choosing your age. With a late-teen MC, it will be impossible to romance at least 1, and another one quite hard (you’ll prob have to pass a stat check, but I’m still debating that one). For late-thirties and up, it’s gonna be impossible to romance the youngest RO.
I also want to plant extra hints about certain past events for older MC’s who were already adults at the time and remember clearly what went down when Narmer’s father took the throne. So even if the story will pommel you a bit more for running around the country at 50+, you will have the advantage of 
experience
Looking forward to playing this through a few times, its has loads of potential and just the kind of adventures I love! I really like the world you have created and its atmosphere. It might be set in ancient Egypt, but people are people, wherever and whenever they might be.
Thank you so much, I’m so happy you like it
That was exactly the point I was trying to make Our ancestors were people, doing people things, the same as us. Even if these specific ones happen to have real magic
This was an utter delight to read. I wasn’t expecting the humorous tone, but it hit exactly right for me. I loved the scenes where we antagonize our bodyguard and when we can tell the priest to come back later, lol! I also loved this turn of phrase: “You let out a long-suffering sigh because that’s what this is going to be. The start of your long suffering.”
Excited to see what kind of trouble my insufferable noble gets up to next!
Hope you don’t mind if I point out a couple small typos:
“You haven’t achieved pretty much anything in your life yet, but then again, neither the cat, yet your mother still seems to favor the cat over you.”
should be “neither has the cat”
…
In the choices after you meet Qenna:
"'Cause a ran away from them, duh," you roll your eyes at him.
“cause I ran” and choice D is missing punctuation at the end
…
“Your siblings are busy with their own life.”
should be “their own lives”
…
“They start acting out different scenarios, while some of them showers the audience with gentle sparkles and flower petals…”
“some of them shower”
…
“The blade only nicked your throat, but it was still way too close to your liking.”
“too close for your liking”
…
“The parts of water where you can’t see through but you have a feeling that if you did, you saw dead things looking back at you with glassy eyes.”
“you would see”
…
“Once you are all dolled-up and ready (it only took one and a half hour!)”
“hours”
…
"You sit down on one of the ivory-plated chairs, which is surprisingly comfortable for a simple office furniture. "
either “for simple office furniture” or “for a piece of simple office furniture” or something to that effect
…
“You remember your nanny telling you the bedside tale countless of times…”
either “countless times” or “a countless number of times”
…
“The king casually travels in incognito and nobody ever told you that?!”
just “incognito”
…
When Qenna sees our neck wound: “I’ve seen countless of knife wounds in my time”…
again, either something like “countless knife wounds” or “a countless number of”
…
Also, a small comment about scene flow towards the beginning. I agreed to take Pihu to the guardhouse through the slums, but didn’t want to investigate the stranger. I was kinda confused when I then decided to completely leave the slums. I more expected my character to just ignore the stranger and continue on his original path through the slums (I think it is currently written more for the path where you try to lose her?).
if you proceed with slum exploration and following strange figure you will meet the evil priest earlier than later and beside you your sister will also hexed by him if you meet him at the slum, later on you will meet him and he only hexed your MC
