If it’s not too much of a bother, can you consider putting an option for the stats to be in English, it can get really confusing when it’s on Latin
That’s still in writing, to be honest with you (I’ve been pushing it back quite a bit, which I am not proud of).
Additionally, would you prefer an individual section for stats explanations or if they are on the same page as the stats themselves (e.g. Militaris Facultatem will have its stats explanations listed on the same page)?
I might implement this function, though this is still some food for thought on my part. Since I would have to change up some variables (due to the fact that currently, I have also added text to most stat checks or stat changes, which I might’ve to also split up to increase immersion if somebody wishes to have them turned off).
Its definitely something I’ll consider and think about.
Wow, thanks for the reply. I personally would prefer a different page as by checking it a couple of times when needed it would be memorised in no time. Much better than otherwise cluttering a stats page with shortly unused information. But there a lot of people who think otherwise~~
I am delighted to hear that! I try my best to implement more unique words or add an individual touch to most of my writing. It’s not easy since I tend to re-read the same scene approx. 5-10 times (or more).
I will mostly push out unedited scenes, or descriptions in one update and then after-edit them later on. This allows me to go ahead with my story, while progressively improving it as I go. This means I provide my dear readers with something they can enjoy while I work on editing in the meantime !
Alas, I would be very happy for any constructive criticism you would wish to offer, or if you spotted any typos! Alternatively, if you feel like a sentence is stuffy, or seems to have poor deliverance - the same goes. I am always happy to get feedback, encouragement, and the views of others.
I am but one person, after all, and my view is limited.
I believe your suggestion does have merit since you are not wrong. On the other hand, I - personally - also had times when I was annoyed having to check each stat repeatedly.
Quite frankly, it broke my immersion and distracted me from the story at hand. But as an author, it is very difficult to balance things out. This goes not only for stats but also things like ensuring the stats are not the main focus of the story. They are important but should not dictate the entire playthrough.
I will probably offer a poll in the future to decide on this, in tandem with a poll on potentially giving the reader the ability to switch between Latin & English stat names.
This also reminds me:
Did you only find the stats confusing in Latin?
Since there is a mix between Latin and English, especially in the general names of different pages… did you find them understandable (e.g. Militum Identitatem = Military Identity/Reputation/… ; was it clear?)?
I haven’t read yet but with how dark this seems will you be moving it to the adult section when we get further in
I am not quite sure yet.
It will be dark, yes, but I am not decided if I will go down the path of the adult section. I might, or I might not. I will also have to properly inform myself about what is allowed before it is moved to the adult section.
The setting is dark but it does not have to mean it is absolutely broken, sick, and twisting. Reality is cruel, but I do not have to be precisely descriptive of the darkness. Implications may be enough, while I approach the limits of what is allowed for non-adult fiction. Even more so, sometimes our minds can paint scarier pictures than words ever could.
(If I feel like the philosophical concept and idea behind the WIP is impaired too greatly… well, then I will most likely switch to the adult section to ensure my WIP expresses and paints the picture I wish it to paint)
My main concern is obviously the audience scope. Since this is my first WIP and my per se ‘debut’… I would prefer if it was able to reach as many readers as possible while retaining the idea behind it to some degree. After all, first impressions are important and I believe it is just as important for me as an author to create first impressions on as many people as possible. It is a war between my identity as an author and my wish to have freedom in writing my WIP.
It’s just the stats for me, cause I like keeping track of them, but I don’t mind the dialogue having Latin words in them just like how I don’t mind the Russian words in vendetta
Really like the idea of a Roman-inspired story, @Xychael, can’t wait to see how it develops!
Just some observations that I hope can be helpful:
Regarding the title, as @AletheiaKnights pointed out, Via Ferro sounds more natural since it’s not part of a sentence. However, if you prefer to use Viam Ferro then I believe it should be part of a quote at the beginning (for example instead of Per aegritudinem… etc) or as part an important motto/quote in the story (that way you justify the use of the accusative and it’d be something cool, I think).
It’d be something similar to Sanderson’s Stormlight Archive where every book’s title is the title of a book in the story.
If it can be helpful, here’s the link to a nice online Latin-English dictionary. You have to search one word per time but you have a lot of examples plus declensions and conjugations of words and verbs.
Probably they’re just small typos as it is still a draft, but in the stats there are some slight imprecisions:
Aetas datum → Aetas data
Cultura Sequuntur → Culturam Sequens, if I understood correctly it should be a stat like “looking for knowledge”? If so I’d use sequens (present participle) since sequuntur is a present III plur
Secretum numerum is intended like “secret cult of the numbers”? If so it’d be secreta numerum (plur)
Assignari Domus → Domus should be enough
Militaris Ordinis → Ordo Militaris
Ferrum Ordinis: Sequi Imperfecta → not too sure here, do you mean “order of the iron” (guess some worldbuilding behind here)? If so, that’d be Ordo Ferri. And what do you mean with sequi imperfecta?
If someone more proficient in Latin finds some errors/inaccuracies please feel free to point them out.
I hope this wll help with a better historical accuracy and cohesion.
Well, first of all I’m happy to see a wider variety of unusual stats, it’s always quite refreshing!
On the other hand, I find the state page a bit intricate. From my experience, the best stat pages are the ones that have all stats on a single page (relationships and inventory can have their own pages if there’s a lot of states). So I’d put all states in a singles page (each one in its category, of course, so it’s simple to read and/or to check quickly) but keep the various stat explanation pages (since they will be consulted only at the beginning or occasionally). That way the stat page would be streamlined and easy to consult and each stat would have its explanation.
That’s my personal taste, so feel free to modify otherwise, but I think that a (relatively) simply state page appeals a lot of readers.
One last thing, I like the idea of Latin stats but, as many have pointed out, that can be confusing.
If you don’t want to translate them/prefer to keep some of them I’d create a glossary in the stat page, so you can put there words you use in the story too (something like Belle-de-Nuit, that has a glossary with the French words used in the game).
Sorry for the long post, I hope you may find some helpful feedback! And good luck with your writing!
Alright! I finally sat down and took the time to properly write up a reply deserving of your post.
Due to the popular vote swinging mostly in favour of Viam Ferro… I have decided to keep it exactly that. I also have a simplistic (and in my personal opinion good-looking) cover picture for it. Therefore, it both fits my agenda and seems to be liked by most people here as well.
I am also quite intrigued by the book idea and might make an individual spin-off. Additionally, I might indeed change the quote or incorporate the title in some sort of way into the story to give it more meaning. At the same time justifying it’s gramma.
Certainly food for thought.
I thank you for taking the time to properly look up the Latin combinations. I currently use a quick translator (machine, obviously), which automatically gives them the tenses as if they were in sentences, which is… not very good.
You pretty much eased my workload of editing when it comes to some of the Latin stat names. I will most likely bring out your suggestions, alongside my own editing in the Major Update coming this week.
First off, one thing you’ll notice - especially as you check some of the translations - is that some of those words & word combinations do not properly exist in Latin. They are, as is typical, a paraphrasing or something having a semblance of what originally was supposed to be expressed.
Now, Sequi Imperfecta is something along the lines of “the imperfect followers” and it is a replacement for the original idea of Imperfecta Iuvenis (Imperfect Youth). This naming was chosen with the implications of becoming a better version, and striving to reach perfection once inducted into the Order. While Sequi, in this case, was chosen due to the title being Viam Ferro (Put one and one together: Sequi “~Followers” + Viam Ferro “~Path of Iron/Steel”). The original luvenis (“~Youth”) being replaced by the more meaningful Sequi.
Originally, the stat page was streamlined and simplistic in nature. I decided, however, at the beginning stage of development to take on the extra work and on purpose design a more intricate stats page. For one, there are a LOT of stats and their explanations are equally long. Many of their explanations have world building in them and also are combined with a more general, sometimes historic, flavour text.
Ultimately, I MIGHT put it up to my dear readers to decide. However, that will only happen once I am completely done with the stats page and feel it is completely finished. OR, if I receive a lot of requests to change the stats page.
For now, however, seeing as I already put in the effort and the design is acceptable (in my opinion, since for now only 2 stat pages even matter at all - additionally, since the game is going to be a long one… I assume you will get very familiar with the stats page seeing as you will require some free time to actually play through the entire game. The only worry being that due to the updating nature, it may become a nuisance to have to always re-read the different stats to catch up) I will have it remain the same.
Thank you for your suggestion, nonetheless. Also, I wholeheartedly agree on the value of simplistic designs over intricate, complex systems in certain circumstances.
You can find a longer answer in the posts above but the gist of it:
I will bring out a proper stats explanation page in the coming major update and either alongside this (or on the minor update after the major one) a glossary of some words I plan to use/have already used. This will often relate to some Weaponry, institution or otherwise.
I have sadly been pushing back on this for a while but have finally sat down to finish it. At minimum a proper stat explanation should be part of the upcoming major update that I can promise!
AHEM, now this was a long response to a long post. I thank you for your time reading this and writing your original reply as well. Touché.
havent tried the demo yet but just off the description alone sounds cool as hell
The new update is now live!
I apologize for the wait. Sadly, it is not nearly as much as I would’ve liked to release… but oh well.
Send your feedback here if you find anything amiss in the new update!
Love to see where it’s heading so far I check in on this one frequently and I can finally do some rereading and start overs lol continue the good work comrade good hunting
The good message is that I am slowly coming to the end of my exam phase and you know what that means?
Free time means more writing. I am currently a bit tied down because of social gatherings (Carnival) and the exams. The updates will be smaller and slower than I’d like but not much I can do there.
I am delighted you enjoy my story, as it encourages me to continue.
I really think there is a lot of potential here. The stats page alone show how much work is being put into this and there is also much more to come. The story so far aswell has me intrigued, make sure not to burn yourself out but keep up the good work
The new update is now live!
I would appreciate some feedback on this piece, specifically on the transitions between the fighting scene and the speech scene of the instructor. Do you find it too rigid or artificial? Would you like to engage more with the different characters? I have included some mini-paths for this purpose, but do you think it is enough leading up to the fight scenes?
I am experimenting with a new writing style. What is your opinion on it? Do you like the way I am adding more flavor to my writing?
Are there any words in my writing that you find too complex? Should I simplify my fight scenes and how much ‘choosing’ should I include relative to the ‘story output’? Would you prefer fewer descriptive texts and more choices, or do you think it is balanced as it is?
Send your feedback here if you find anything amiss in the new update!
「Warning: The fight scene has some more explicit depictions of the hits taken, though I tried my best to keep it ‘moderate’」
Just to ensure people don’t think this was abandoned or anything alike:
I have just finished my exam phase and will now start coding & writing again! The update rate will remain the same until said otherwise (most likely will rise once I get to my holidays).
Cheers and thanks to everyone, who has shown patience with this author
Obviously the demo is short but I have greatly enjoyed what you have written so far! You have a very polished style of writing and I love the title font. I shall look forward to future updates whenever they arrive.