Hello! I’m writing my first ChoiceScript game. I’ll have the link posted here shortly to playtest the first chapters of the game. I appreciate feedback!
Description: In the industrial city of Doskvol, five college students must explore a submerged haunted tower. 3 characters, survive the night or be expelled.
This is beta testing the first part of the complete story.
Adapted from the Forged in the Dark system. It’s set in the Blades in the Dark universe, with the students in the Morlan Hall of Unnatural Philosophy. Creepy and deadly!
I really like the story so far. Its fun choosing what character perform actions and I like the growing sense of “Oh shoot we need to figure this out”.
My only complaint is that as the reader, I do feel a bit disconnected from the group. It feels like I’m watching from behind a window, not really “inside” the story if that makes sense.
Great start though! I’m excited to see where this goes, could be really fun
I’m glad you liked the story! Since there are multiple characters, I debated using the first person perspective. I tried going third person since I hoped to avoid confusion as to who is performing your choices.
Liked the demo so far but like @Jackpot1776 already said it kinda feels disconnected and it feels like I’m playing as an outsider, more of an observer…
Interesting ideas for the story, as well as what appear to be ambitious-looking mechanics, though I second the other users in that it feels like we’re watching a movie instead of having a role in what happens, as well as what all these moving gears and parts do. Stress? Complications? Noggs Survival? Isn’t that last one a bit spoilery?
Yeah, I think that having more time to set some things up – the stats, universe for those who aren’t familiar with Blades in the Dark (like me), who these people are – would go a long way to making a better first impression.
In general, there isn’t so much a main character because I wanted to be true to the Blades in the Dark system. That is about a team of thieves performing a heist, and they are all important. Like you point out, they make it clear that Blades in the Dark is meant to feel like a thrilling TV episode. I’d point to X-Files or American Horror Story as my inspirations.
As for stats like Noggs’ Survival, this represents a “clock” or “fortune roll” in Blades in the Dark, which ticks down to something pivotal or decides it with a single roll. When the game master makes a clock or roll, these are often openly shared with the players. It should feel like you’re going up a roller coaster and anticipating the drop.
How these mechanics come together should become clear in the climax of this story. I’m glad to see people think this interesting and enjoyable, so I’m not going the wrong way.
I’ll have to think about how to make this system more transparent to the player. One of my favorite things about Blades in the Dark is how open and fair it is for a game about secretive scoundrels.
who is the MC.
