As someone who has been told several times that my novel writing can be too descriptive I toned it down in Unnatural, don’t feel it’s lowered the quality of my writing. So don’t worry if less always mean bland, you can cut down on redundant words or use other words and both can shorten the length of a paragraph without lowering the quality.
@Nocturnal_Stillness
There are times when I tone it down if it was too awkward or unnecessary, but in general, I enjoy writing floridly
@Samuel_H_Young Nope, puts one tear gas grenade into my inventory. I just played the beginning again. Inventory definitely lists …, 1 tear gas grenade, …
I thought maybe there are 3, but the inventory listing is glitched for some reason and says 1. To check that, I used the grenade on the first assassin-witch. I was definitely out of tear gas grenades.
When speaking to the 3 witches for the first time the gender changes as it says: to flatter him. However she is a woman.
Also a few lines before that it does it again saying:"And your goal? A gentleman
Anyway its a very good and detailed game from what I have read keep up the good work
“The beautiful witch merely turns her up at you” I believe that it should say head at the end of: her
Florid writing has the most power if it’s not something you do constantly, imo. It’s best as a highlight for the moments you want to pack more punch. Sabres of infinity is a good model, I think.
One of the travel books that’s most influenced me, Elliot’s “An Unexpected Light,” has a very rich prose style that isn’t afraid to verge into the purple; and as a result he gets across the beauty and glory of Afghanistan better than any other writer I know.
@DSeg
Darn:( I’ll try using temp variables, I suppose.
@Havenstone
Very good point. Do you think all of my writing is florid, or just certain parts?
@Luke
Pesky gender variables keep messing up:P I’ll fix them on Monday
@Samuel_H_Young Don’t use *temp for things like that. Your whole weapon system will get messed up and nothing will work then. *temp are used for stats that are used within only one file and they are able to function only in that file.
You say your code says Tear +3, but I still get only 1 tear gas grenade. I absolutely have no idea what could cause this. Maybe it’s just my browser/laptop doing silly things. Have you tried playing it? Is anyone else getting the same problem as me?
@DSeg
I might just have to take out the checkpoint system, because I wanted it because I know a lot of people hate starting from the beginning after dying, but it’s creating more errors than it’s worth, and the errors are completely bizarre. I’m still a novice at CS
@Samuel_H_Young Don’t delete it and check your inbox.
@Samuel_H_Young I like the Silver chain thing (sorry brain hurts after today’s big test) and I like how you use magic in the story it makes it even cooler.
@Storm
I’d hoped you’d think that:)! I wanted to make magic more intuitive and hands on, which is also the same reason I’ve made the DH use weapons and materials as opposed to magic.
Yes, your style is consistently florid. That’s not necessarily a problem – as DSeg has been saying, it fits with this project, and if it’s what you enjoy writing (and reading) then don’t stress about changing it. Just be aware that your writing is much more <a http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purple_prose">purple than average; if in doubt, you can likely tone it down without coming within a mile of bland.
A few specific thoughts:
* You like long synonyms rather than short-and-simple words. Be aware that this can break readers’ immersion in a couple of key ways. Other authors often use the longer, generic terms to suggest something like-but-not-exactly-like the short, familiar word. When you describe what’s in the pool as “substance” or “fluid” rather than water, your reader may well wonder whether s/he’s fallen into blood or oil. When a witch takes a wound to her “upper/lower appendages” rather than arms or legs, many readers will picture her with tentacles. And so on.
* Second, the long synonyms absolutely murder dialogue. People generally don’t talk like this: “In order to prepare for the endeavor ahead, I require additional weapons in my arsenal; transform into the poisonous toad so that I may extract the poisons to utilize with my darts,” as opposed to, say, “Beckham, I’ll need more poison before we attack.” If you consistently had everyone talk in stilted, complex sentences, it might come off as part of the culture of the world – but you don’t (it generally only shows up when you’re giving instructions to Beckham), so I’d be inclined not to do it at all.
* Watch your clauses. “Swivelling around to confront your unknown opponent, he leaps from the cliff with a roar…” Because you’ve got “he” as the subject of the sentence, you’re currently describing the goblin swivelling to confront himself.
* When you answer your boggart’s question about how you feel about killing the witches, you talk in the second person – as if you’re describing your own emotions to yourself. Unless I’m misunderstanding, that seems like it should be changed to first person.
* As DSeg has suggested, some redundancy is part of your style, so I won’t call you on every example of language like “completely devoid,” where “devoid” would do the job just fine on its own. But I’ll make an exception for “irrevocably dead.” 
Cut the adverb.
@Havenstone
I agree with all of that. I was invisioning fancy talk because they’re medieval, though I suppose I should tone it down.
I wanted to lose against the vampire again, but now I win all the time.
Also, one of the assassin-witches has burned my staff. I didn’t have it in my inventory any longer, but I could still use it against the vampire and his traps.
@Dseg
His castle and booby traps are meant to be stronger than he is himself:P
and before you sleep, you construct a new staff, I must have just forgot to add it
Do you know how I discovered the checkpoint bug? When I fought Sarrivan for the first time I chose to use the salt later as the element of surprise. No matter what I decided to use on him next, he’d always kill me. I repeated it multiple times and every time the dispensable items I used were not returned to my inventory. He’d always kill me, but now I always win in the same situation.
@Dseg
Oh okay! Why was it that he’d always kill you before?
Love the game. Found one tiny thing, while I was playing as female it said this
“Sisters, he is here; and how weak he looks! I shall destroy this fool myself.”
When I encountered the three people.
Oops! I’ll fix it tomorrow. I’m glad you like it:) out of curiosity, what makes you enjoy it the most?