Transcendence: Whispers of Destiny (WIP) (Minor update: 10k words added)

[me_dumb47]

Okay… deep breaths…
I’ve been a part of this community since 2019, when I was 14. The first game I played was ‘Life of a Mercenary’ and it simply…idk just felt really good to insert yourself into a different world, this one felt more …intimate, more than any other game or movie.
Since then, I’ve been hooked on the IF novels that this Company produces(reading an unhealthy amount of them tbh).
And… I just felt like writing my own, not because I was tired of waiting for more rom-centered wips that catered to my preference (though that’s also a major factor) but because I too wanted to contribute to this community that I’ve come to be a part of.
And so, here I am.

DEMO: https://dashingdon.com/go/14840

Plot:
You were once a living person, though you still are.
You were an ambitious person, though you still are.
You were once a human, though you still might be…
Then what changed??
You are still you but your importance and your role in this reality and universe certainly has changed.
Who are you??
This is the question for which your tongue now moves in a different rhythm.
Step into a world of fantasy where you’re part of a Legion created by the ‘Oneness’ that regulates the balance of the very reality that you stand upon. Restricting the abominations to their foul dimension, hunting down deities that threaten to cause an imbalance in the cosmos, and making sure that the anchors holding your own realm do not falter.

Features

• Play as a member of the NuqneH, a legion formed with the sole intent of maintaining balance in the universe.

• Choose your character’s backstory, from eight distinct realms, each with their unique people and culture.

• Enhance your body with the power that flows throughout the cosmos by binding it to yourself allowing you to achieve feats no human could even dream of.

• Overcome your weaknesses and become a better version of yourself. Or give in to your desires.

• Interact with the other team members of your group while growing up in the realm of the NuqneH. Befriend them or turn them into your rivals, romance them, or be indifferent to what goes on inside them.

• Participate in tournaments to garner fame or become someone who works in the shadows.

• Join any one of the six factions of the NuqneH administration based on your major enhancement.

• Become a prominent member of the NuqneH and help uphold the balance or betray them by joining the Ql’yaH (False Deities).

And a lot more stuff that I can’t reveal

ROs

Note: All Romances are heterosexual.

• Abigale (F): Appearance: 5’6’', a porcelain coloured athletic body. Likes dressing up in pretty dresses even though it’s impractical for the job she’ll be thrust into…
  A caring and emotional individual who has severe attachment issues feels what they do to be inadequate, and is often prone to self-hate.
  Realm: Seraphia

• Alan Shalmorko (M): Appearance: 6’1’', a light-skinned muscular body with a light pinkish tint that born NuqneH are known to have. Likes wearing leather jackets and sturdy jeans, keeps him ready for everything he says… talk about paranoia
  A natural leader, kind and courageous, always ready to help others, and an eye candy for women. Is he a saint among humans or is there something dark that lies beneath that facade of kindness?
  Realm: Aiolad(born NuqneH)

• Melika Nazeri (F): Appearance: 5’5’', the shortest one in the team. A honey olive-lithe body that’s always covered in full-sleeved cotton shirts that are more akin to a sweater.
  An aloof and laidback person that does what they think is right. Doesn’t trust anyone for some reason.
  Realm: Faridun

• Sakata Hikohide (M): Appearance: 5’10’', a soft beige coloured athletic body. Likes wearing loose clothes that do not accentuate his body.
  A stoic and calculative man, one who keeps his thoughts to himself and his words measured. Is this his true nature or is there something else that he’s trying to hide?
  Realm: Yamagawa

• Heith Grindott (F): Appearance: 6’0’', a snow white coloured muscular body. Likes wearing leather garments that cover her whole body and doesn’t like to show skin.
  A very impulsive and aggressive woman with anger issues, who for some reason ignores and keeps her distance from men.
  Realm: Hrafnheim

NOTE: Sorry for not giving complete info on the characters and the plot as I’m afraid I’ll just reveal everything

The header and stat images will be changed later once I have a good grasp of editing and stuff.

The game is divided into 4 arcs:
Arc 1: Footsteps Retraced (STATUS: Completed, about 23k words)
Arc 2: A Journey Rekindled ( STATUS: Ongoing )
Arc 3: Clashing Fates (STATUS: Tbd)
Arc 4: Tranquil Reflections (STATUS: Tbd)
As you can see, the demo for the first chapter is available and will offer a walkthrough of about 5k words I believe (idk, have to check)

Update: Around 11k words added.

So…yes, I’m quite a procrastinator, hence I’ve decided that rather than posting a big update all at once, I’d rather do it in short bits, doing so will let me know whether the story is headed in the right direction or not and also keep me from abandoning it altogether.

P.S. PLS GIMME YOUR FEEDBACK, on anything and everything, from content to code, pacing, etc, it’s the first time I’m writing something this big. Also, I’m not a native speaker nor do I live in America so the response times will obvi be a bit late. But I’ll try my best to answer all your queries (after pestering the older members for the answers that is).

I’m sure there might be multiple errors in the update, if you find something amiss pls comment about it, it will be a great help to me. Thank you for sticking around as well.
My concerns about the story:

• The writing might be sloppy
• Pacing felt off ig
• Pronoun errors
• Inconsistencies within the story
  So if you find any of these to be true pls comment and I’ll do my best to work on it.

The writing might be sloppy

Last but not least, I would like to thank these members for helping me create this demo by answering my silly questions - @Jacic, @Loudbeat , @EshcharCohen , @will , @cup_half_empty , @LiliArch , @GrayEyedOne , @AletheiaKnights, @HarrisPS , @CJW

P.S. Maybe you should move my WIP to the adult thread since it will (later) contain NSFW stuff. Thanks

Thank you everyone for the positive response that you’ve given me yet
Also, can ya’ll pls inform me if there are any pronoun errors

[Hoshi]

Bro, I feel you. My first cog was Life of a Mercenary too, and I too was part of the community since 2019! I think we might be twins (Even if we don’t have the same age but no one needs to know) Love your game.

[Ooo_Hdhdj]

Cant get past eyes selection there error

[Fenrir1]

When i chose Kuchiki family it gives error

[UmLixoFalant]

I don’t seem to be able to pick an eye color

[Shenice_L]

Um Are you sure you’re not secretly a professional writer? I mean look, I don’t wanna jump the gun with such an opinion, especially because I didn’t finish- There’s a coding error in eye color selection. But with the summary alone, I found my interest peaked; and the moment I started reading I was instantly pulled into the story. The writing is actually really good, so far, which is always a great surprise to me when people say ‘this is their first try at writing interactive fiction’.

I think what’s pulling me in so fast is the amount of imagery I was able to conjure up in my head; like the way you described the different backgrounds. Again, I know I haven’t read much, so this feedback is up to change but I don’t know, I’m quite smitten with what You have already lol.

[Valixon]

@me_dumb47 other theb the errors allready reported only noticed some gender issues but defintly a interesting start and holds promise soblooking forward to seeing more.

[will]

Don’t forget to run quicktest until it comes out clean

[Loudbeat]

Glad to be of help! And good luck with your endeavor!

[Lonily]

line 874: Invalid string, open quote with no close quote: " appeared when picking the [Kuchiki Family] option

[Mdjistra69]

I already love this book, this is the first time i see some representation of my culture wich is the mayan.
If you need some help with any information let me know

[me_dumb47]

Thank you so much (and yes we’re twins )

[me_dumb47]

Will correct it, sorry for the trouble

[me_dumb47]

@Fenrir1 Sorry will take care of that one
@UmLixoFalant Really sorry for the trouble will take care of it
@will Will do (lemme search real quick on how to do it…)
@Loudbeat Thank you
@Lonily Thanks for the help
@Mdjistra69 Thank you so much and yes I will definitely avail your help regarding the Mayan culture (I’ll take any help that I get.)

[Harley_Robin_Evans]

Sounds interesting

[Nexus_Knight]

[me_dumb47]

Yes, I’ve corrected that error
I hope you can now play it without interruption.

[dumpling-clouds]

Loved it. I’m surprised how invested in the story I am Will definitely be following this WIP!

Also, just wanted to say that I re-read your demo 3 times just to read the writing for different backgrounds, your writing is so good and your descriptions and differentiations for the different backgrounds are insanely detailed and well thought out! It’s quite noticeable the real-world inspirations for each backgorund, but they’re all infused with original and unique fantasy aspects, which is awesome.

[me_dumb47]

I don’t think I will conclude that I’m a good writer yet.
Was good at essays and stuff when I was in school. I loved expressing myself so much so that in English and social exams where I had the liberty to write what I thought of the topic I used to veer off the topic and write what I’ve learned from youtube or other books etc (ma’am used to cut marks for that but I didn’t care )
In intermediate (high school for ya’ll) I did editing in the college magazine and wrote some stuff after which one of my friends told me that it was pretty good.

And here I am, emboldened by the praise that was given… last year.

Thank you so much for the positive response but I believe there is much to improve, there are lots of instances of sloppy writing as far as ik. I need to become better

[me_dumb47]

Thank you , also can you please elaborate on what you might be thinking can be better in this game??