Pillars of the Light [fantasy WiP] 09/07/24 | 62k words | ch1 done

[lliiraanna]

You were six when you were taken by the Sun clan.

You spent most of your life in a limbo of sorts: your childhood was comfortable enough, yet you’re expected to spend your adult years serving the clan that took your away from your family. You’re an agent for the people that care little about you, in a time when tensions are brewing between clans and the demonic threat is rising in the wastes to the north.

An unexpected mission changes your life… again. But maybe, for someone determined it can be an opportunity. Gain Freedom through Power.

Reach Heaven through Hell.

Or, maybe, you’ll decide that Hell is a nice enough place.

A fantasy story I’m working on-and-off in my free time, so updates will be slow. I’m intending for it to remain a free game from start to finish.

As of 09/07/24, the prologue and ch1 are done and can be found here.

dashingdon link (not tested)

Current word count: 62k words w/o code, 67k with

Tumblr blog over there

Planned features:

• a story with a focus on plot and character interactions;
• elements of horror and thriller;
• a MC that is not a completely blank slate, but whose stats and relationships will affect their behaviour;
• a mix of adventure and political intrigue storylines;
• though there will be opportunities to build relationships, this won’t be a romance-focused game (romance will be a possibility, but not a focus).
• (eventually) gain a voice in your head (for free)
• (eventually) gain special powers (not for free) (and maybe decide it was not worth it)
• (very eventually) decide that maybe you just want to burn it all to the ground

Characters

• The Guard: Throughout your childhood, Ember had been by your side, whether either of you wanted this or not. If he detested his position, he never showed it; in fact, he showed very little at all. You don’t know what kind of person lies behind the polite mask, so if you ever see him again, you might find him to be very different from what you’d guessed about him.
• The Princess: Neith had a sheltered childhood. A very sheltered childhood, mandated by her mother’s fear for the life of the family’s sole heiress. Now she’s trying to fight, but not against the role of the heir itself; rather, she feels that to become a worthy leader to her family, she must grow and learn first. Her behaviour is continiously putting her in opposition to her mother, and you sometimes wonder just how far she is willing to go.
• The Priestess: An unusual priestess of the Temple dedicated to the Crying Goddess. She had asked to be sent along with you on your mission, but shows little interest in the mission’s success. Cold and irritable, she seems to have personal reasons for following you, and occasionally you notice anger burning in her eyes - one that is not aimed at your enemies.
• The Ascendant: He’s the one you’re supposed to be helping. He’s also perhaps the one whom you can trust the least, no matter how friendly his smiles seem. You’re all using each other, and as time passes, you realize more and more how precarious his position is. You suppose it’s to be expected: if he didn’t need help, you wouldn’t have been sent to aid him.

The story is expected to eventually touch upon some pretty heavy topics in addition to the usual (by usual I mean profanity, fantasy violence, blood and injury etc.). More details in the game itself.

If there’s any bugs, typos, mistakes or inconsistencies, I would be grateful to be informed of such. I welcome any feedback in general.
Thank you for your time

[Dpwjeremy]

Really like the story so far. Would like to see where we go from here and what would be required for us.

[FleurJane]

Really cool.

[Rock]

I’ve quite enjoyed what’ve read so far. Will be looking forward to seeing what comes next.

[VThapar]

Lovely story so far! The prose is really neat and elegant, and I love the subtle use of humour to make you slightly smile, even as you’re mostly fixated on the drama. One thing I will suggest is that it is slightly strange not having a character customisation. If you don’t want to, it is of course fine, but as a reader it feels slightly strange reading an IF novel with no frame of reference for your character, even just as flavour text. Apart from that, I’m looking forward to learning more of the plot!

Overall, I really enjoyed the demo, and am looking forward to seeing how this develops

[lliiraanna]

@Dpwjeremy

Really like the story so far. Would like to see where we go from here and what would be required for us.

@FleurJane

Really cool.

@Rock

I’ve quite enjoyed what’ve read so far. Will be looking forward to seeing what comes next.

Thank you very much, I’m glad you enjoyed it

@Vergil

Can you make a discord server in the future

Maybe in the future. Life is quite chaotic right now, and I’d hate to create a space like this only to end up not interacting with anyone there due to RL kicking my ass.

@VThapar

One thing I will suggest is that it is slightly strange not having a character customisation.

Thank you for your kind words!
Re: character customization: my main problem with it is that I don’t particularly like the way it’s implemented in many games. If the story starts with “pick the color of your eyes”, I’m like 50% likely to just drop it immediately, and elsewhere I just click through it to get to the story. And then it mostly comes up in descriptions like “your green eyes flashed in the dark”, which is… not something I want to write, lol.
But I also recognize that the customization segment can be useful for worldbuilding, and that I guess without it it can feel a bit like you’re playing a featureless blob… So I’ll see if I can add something, probs at the beginning of ch2

[VThapar]

I replayed the game, and I still like it a lot. A few things did make more sense to me on re-read, and I’m now really looking forward to seeing how the plot will continue

And now, feedback! While last time I kept a more surficial grasp of the story, this time I’ve tried to keep a note of any errors in the writing or code, as well as individual sentences that seemed a bit off or strange. I’ll try and give explanations for the latter as the come up.

Errors

Misc

These things aren’t wrong, but they’re phrases or sentences which either didn’t make a lot of sense to me, or feel like they’re lacking some context behind them.

From what I gather, in this sentence, what is meant is: “The Ash Clan was significant enough to pay them enough attention.” But because our MC addresses them as ‘We’, it felt a bit strange. This was doubly so as I didn’t really feel like the MC had an established sense of belonging to the Ash Clan, especially given that they were taken away as a child, so their most formative memories of the Clan should be them giving the MC away to be a hostage.
Maybe if the MC’s desire to return to the Ash Clan, or their admiration of some particular part of the Ash was established, this would feel less jarring, or maybe the reaction to seeing the Ash Clan could be player-dependent (MCs who feel they belong to the Sun address the Ash Clan as ‘they’, while those who feel longing to return address them as ‘we’).
If you think it’s fine, of course, it’s not a huge problem, but it is slightly strange going from an MC who’s never shown any interest in factional clan politics, to one who instantly identifies with one of the sides. Although, perhaps I misinterpreted this line, in which case I do apologize for wasting your time.

(This one isn’t really and error, but I do think just using the bold tags would both look and feel better here)

I can’t wait to see where this goes.

[Christopher_Bull]

So can we openly rebel against Sun clan since the mc was basically kidnapped for whatever reason despite being ash. I’m ok going with whatever sun say but I want to know what a rebellious mc can do

[lliiraanna]

@VThapar Thank you for pointing these out! It can be difficult to notice on my own, so this is very helpful.

@Christopher_Bull

So can we openly rebel against Sun clan since the mc was basically kidnapped for whatever reason despite being ash. I’m ok going with whatever sun say but I want to know what a rebellious mc can do

Ohhhkay, so this is a bit of a spoiler so I’m putting it under cut:

MC and the Sun clan

So actually you’ll get your chance to break away as early as Ch3.
To elaborate without spoiling too much: the Order (think an old, monastic sect fallen on hard times but with enough reputation to throw its weight around still) is going to hold a competition, which you and Neith (the heiress) will be sent to attend. If you win (or otherwise impress), you can get accepted as a disciple of the Order. While you have your orders as a reason to be there, it’s something you can try to win explicitly because it lets you break away from the S clan.
In general, even if the MC can be played as not being openly resentful, I don’t think I’m writing them as someone happy in their circumstances. That’s why, despite the “lighter” scenes like the dragonfly chase or festival, the overall atmosphere of ch1 is meant to be kinda depressing.
And, even later on in the story. Given what/who MC is (which is s p o i l e r), you’ll have your choice between letting Neith take over the clan branch, or take over yourself (or you can take over a cult. Or both.). With more or less collateral damage. That’s what I have planned for now, at least.

[Asturias]

Will there be a focus on the relationship between MC and their overseer?

[lliiraanna]

If I understood the question correctly and it’s about the relationship between the MC and the person who’s gonna train them/give them missions… they don’t get a personal trainer anymore, and they won’t stick around for that much longer anyway. For (spoilery) details, please refer to the answer to the post before yours.

[Asturias]

By overseer, I meant Lady Nimaat

[lliiraanna]

Oops, my bad! Totally misunderstood that

Not a focus, per se, but I won’t just disappear her from the story. So, like a supporting character?

[Christopher_Bull]

Thanks for letting me know without spoiling too much. It’s nice to know the mc isn’t just a backseat driver following the sun cos they said so. I just like exploring different breaches in wips like this

[Dreamer44]

Ever since I came across the demo in Dashingdon, I’ve liked playing through every update. The plot hooked me in with ease, and I find the setting interesting.

I do love playing a resentful MC; I find it the most appealing path for me. The Sun clan wanted a loyal servant? The prospect was doomed from the start.

Great job on the story; I be following along as you write it.

[lliiraanna]

Thank you! I’m glad you like it

[lliiraanna]

Progress report 05/06

(copy-pasted from Tumblr since I forgot to post it here ><)

There was really only one path to follow there, and it was decidedly empty. But there were still eyes on you, you could feel the weight of them on your back. They were watching from behind the curtains on the windows and half-closed doors, and you had to wonder just what about your presence could’ve gotten them so spooked.

Fear?

Fear of what?

Or maybe that’s not it.

As you approached the first row of houses, five figures appeared as if out of thin air to bar your path.

I made a scene-by-scene breakdown of ch2, and I’ve actually started writing it, too. I think I’ll release it in chunks as I want to alternate between writing and editing, but I won’t make an official “update” post until like half the chapter is done. I don’t expect this chapter to be very long, but it’ll probably still take a while cause I’m a slow writer and an even slower editor.

Not much more to report for now. Hope everyone’s having a nice day~

[FleurJane]

Keep up the awesome work.

[lliiraanna]

Hah, thanks.

(jk, I don’t really mind )

Also changing the tag on this to high fantasy, cause it fits better? I guess???

[Den]

Been reading the wip looking good so far. How high the fantasy going to be? Will there be mythical being like dragons or gods?