Update (27th Sept 2016): I have now finished the third path to the game (there are 3 paths, with around 30 endings between them), so it seems this WIP is finally approaching real completion. Almost all suggestions have been incorporated and bugs ironed (though the Necromancy path might have some issues in it, and I’d be happy with any comments on it). Otherwise over the next few days I’ll work on additional endings and incorporating any feedback, but I think the game is starting to feel “really finished”.

_So, finally two and a half months after the CSComp is over (thanks once more to @Lordirish and all the other judges), I’m ready to release my entry as a WIP. Basically, it has expanded to about two and a half times the size when I submitted to the competition (total word count 120,000, with an average playthrough of about 30,000 words). Much of the feedback from the judges and others has been incorporated, and the game now arrives to a more logical conclusion, with around 20 different endings. _

Now, I’m sure there are still many examples of poor grammar, confusing sentences and bugs there. Particularly, I fear that the second half of the game might have many problems with it (the first half was the CSComp part, which many people already read, so I’ve managed to “iron out” many of the worst problems, though there might still be some issues with new material, etc). Anyway, I would really appreciate if you could point any of those to me. Otherwise, how did you feel about the game in general? Too easy? Too difficult? Too railroaded? Other options that you would like for me to implement, or is there anything at a certain point that your character would like to do yet there is no option for it? Any comments on the characters, etc?

_Basically, any suggestions for improvement are greatly welcome. Like I’ve told many others before, I have VERY THICK skin, and I welcome criticism. After all, I’d rather hear it from people in this forum than later from readers on the Apple or Chrome store (I’ve already submitted the preliminary draft to CoG, though at this point I can still modify things, though later this’ll be more difficult). Also, I carefully consider what people say (and I took on board practically all, if not all, the comments and suggestions made by those who’ve given me feedback so far. While major structural changes become increasingly more difficult to accommodate as the story becomes longer, I’ll nevertheless try my best to respond to any feedback). My plan at this stage is to give people a few weeks to read and comment, while I write a third path in the game (about half way through the game separates into two paths, though I’m hoping to write a third path in the coming weeks). Then, hopefully it’ll be ready for release. _

In terms of the premise, essentially the MC lives in Tokyo, and one night discovers a magic wand that allows him/her to cast spells. The story then unfolds form there… hope you enjoy reading it!

And, I’m yet another person who has decided/being forced to relocate to dashington (@dashingdon, by the way, your site is superb, after seeing how well it works -it even solved a problem with some bugs I was having!- I wish I had moved earlier! Also, I guess it’s kind of nice having so many WIPs in one place). Still leaving my old link there, while it lasts…


the story is interesting, i enjoy it… but I CANT DEFEAT ARCANUS :tired_face:
and btw, is there a way to download this just like the other compile html file, my internet is kinda bad… and i have to re-play it from the very begining every once a while (it happened when my inet disconnecting by itself in the midle of story) so its kind of pain and really hard to reach the very end of the story :sob:

btw, sorry for the trouble.
OH RIGHT!! i’ve found some typo, but kinda forgot to screencapture it :fearful: (well… you know… im really deep in the story and unconsciously ignore it just like this : “oh, there is a typo… well moving on”) so i’m verry sorry :grimacing: i’ll try to search it again later when i be able to re-play it (well… you know, my inet problem is making it hard to re-play the whole thing, though i really want beat that warlock :rage: )

Sure, here goes the link to the compiled html file, I guess that if you right click and copy the link onto your computer it should work.

Otherwise, I’d be very grateful for any screenshots of typos, things that don’t work, complaints, etc. And, I guess it’s not so easy to achieve a good end in it (if you’re really struggling try to lower the difficulty settings?). But, I’ll also look into it, maybe there is something wrong in some of the code somewhere (I could achieve it, but I guess I know exactly what to do, and there are various routes to it…)


I think I’m too soft-hearted. I guess it doesn’t really help that I have pets but I will avenge my first familiar!!

Some minor typos:

1. Wrong pronoun (him -> her)

1. “Vow” should be “bow” I believe.


I didn’t have as much time as I wanted to play it this morning (I will definitely check it out some more tonight) but the couple pages I was able to see right now were very good! If it’s possible, can I suggest giving a blank option for the title you want? So you can set the name for yourself? Because personally I wish to be referred to as a genderless entity of magic and witchcraft (half-kidding). Also, I think asking what country we hail from and out nationality is a bit redundant, unless you mean ethnicity instead? Nationality refers to the country we hail from, for instance, my nationality is American but I myself am a Turk.

I did find a grammatical issue in the beginning as well. I’ve bolded what I felt should be changed.

Indeed, to this day Tokyo’ busy mixture of people, skyscrapers and multilevel passages often make you feel like you are inside an ant nest, a little insignificant dot in a sea of humanity. You are still amazed at the contrast between the chaotic layout of the streets, often narrow and winding, and the order and cleanliness that permeates everything.

Should be “Indeed, to this day , Tokyo 's busy mixture of people, skyscrapers , and multilevel passages often make you feel like you are inside an ant nest, a little insignificant dot in a sea of humanity.” The rest would sound better if you said “You are still amazed at the contrast between the chaotic layout of the narrow and winding streets, and the order and cleanliness that permeates everything.”

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Well spotted, thanks for the screenshots! I checked the other chapters also for the second one you highlighted, and uploaded all the files, so that should be corrected.

Otherwise, regarding familiars note that you have several instances to “escape” that path, but I guess maybe the tendency to want immediate vengeance is too strong? (I’ve heard from other people that this scene is pretty traumatic, one person told me how they “almost puked” after it, and wanted immediate revenge)

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If escape means that my evil mentor killed my familiar and I escape and met Yuki, then I can say I was able to get that story path. I was able to reach the path where I return back to Tokyo but no success in defeating him yet.

I also some more typos and code that went wrong:

  1. Earth -> Rarth
  1. There’s this when the relationship stat is on. After Arcanus, it happens to other people/characters I meet as well.

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Thanks, it does indeed sound much better! I changed the text as suggested (thanks!) and also added option to name how you want to be referred to in terms of magic-user and gender (let me know if this causes any problems in the text, as I haven’t playtested it this way. Basically I think it should work fine, though if you find any strange instances of how characters react do let me know).

About the nationality, given that it’s Japan I thought it sort of reinforces the idea of being a foreigner in a country without so many, though it doesn’t really alter anything in the game (purely cosmetic). I guess I could take it out, or introduce an option in the settings to hide this. I didn’t really want to get into discussions of ethnicity etc (way too complicated, my parents are from different countries and I’ve spend much time discussing such issues in life), so I just left it at actual nationality. What do you (or others) think? (though hopefully without turning this thread completely on a discussion on that subject, i.e. could we stay on what would be the best thing to do in this game: a) take it out. b) leave as is, c) leave but introduce an option on settings to hide it?)


Thanks again!. I thought I fixed the relationship bug this morning but obviously not quite. Anyway, I think it should work fine now? Also fixed the typo and uploaded fines, so that should be corrected.


Okay, I haven’t finished yet, but I’ve got a few comments from what I’ve played so far (mainly typos):

Playing as an English guy called John, I soon run across an English guy called John… And Aiko, who has almost the exact same name as my boyfriend, Akio. This is certainly not bad, but it is a little confusing. She’s then referred to as {friend_2_name}, which I assume is missing a $, and slips over to A type while discussing O type. And then, she gets into an argument with herself, rather than (I’m assuming) the other John.

Transmutation spells dead with changing the character of a given substance of body.

Should this be “deal”?

If you’re going to use “Google”, it should be capitalised, and “the google button” should probably just be “the search button”.

Meeting Arcanus:

"Ah, you have a wand!. Excellent, excellent!

only needs either the “!” or the “.”.

Asking Akio (not Aiko) for a brief break seems to be treated as an actual breakup. While I appreciate that that may be how he sees it, the text seems to imply that that’s how my MC sees it, too (which it isn’t).

Studying elementals:

In order to get over the fight you immerse yourself in the study of elemental creatures and their nature. Hoewver, you don’t seem to find much information on the subject, and what you find is rather complicated and philosophical.

should be “However”.

Going to face the first elemental:

Even in a twenty-four hour megalopolist like Tokyo, parts of the city such as this can feel rather desolate at night.

should be “megalopolis”.

I should note that at this point, I’m finding it a little hard to appreciate why my MC is going to so much trouble over this, rather than looking for a better teacher.


Finallyyyy!!! I loved this WIP so much! Can’t wait to play it again, congrats on releasing the wip :stuck_out_tongue:

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Im happy to see your game is here now

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More comments:

Was Arcanus using the Bella disguise as an attempt to seduce me? Because I’m gay, so it really didn’t work.

I think I chose to call my familiar “Max”, but the name became “Brutus” (although I admit I might have clicked the wrong button by mistake).

I’m also surprised at how much Arcanus put up with my MC, who consistently refused to kill just about everything he’s been put up against. I suppose he was just a distraction in the end, but it still felt a bit weird.

I decided I wouldn’t steal, and the game instantly asks me who I want to steal from. :confused:

Finally, I had been hoping I could unbind the friendly water elemental to use as an ally for the final confrontation, but I was never given the option (which makes the unbind spell pretty useless). Also, I’m not really a fan of the “get so far then die in the final battle” approach. I suppose I just generally view these things as “stories” (and hence every ending should be satisfying) rather than “games” (in which a bad ending for failing is perfectly acceptable). And wouldn’t it have made more sense for Arcanus to have let me keep the boyfriend, only to then use him as the hostage?


Thanks so much for the really detailed comments, it helps a lot! I corrected all typos and other straightforward issues (missing $, etc, Max becoming Brutus, etc). Also, corrected the blood types discussion (I think it should be ok now).

I also realized that the naming of the characters was a bit stupid, so there is now only one John, and I changed the name of the Japanese character to avoid confusion. Also, I deleted references to google, and did as you suggested (better not to include names of companies, I guess)

Regarding Akio, I changed the text a little to take into account this confusion in feelings

Regarding Bella, The game is theoretically gender-sensitive and attempts to offer players something they like, but there was a bug. I hope this is fixed now and that Bella is not offered to you if you’re gay. Essentially it is an attempt to seduce the player, but relies obviously in the player expressing an interest in somebody at the beginning of the game, as otherwise its impossible to know the orientation of the player. Also, I don’t think I want to ask the player in case somebody isn’t interested in this side of the game, so I’m trying to keep things subtle

Stealing bug fixed. Unbind bug fixed i.e. you should be able to take the elemental with you into battle

Arcanus indeed puts up with MC cos he /she is just a distraction, unless he/she is doing well, in which case he’ll attempt to go to Meiji shrine (there is a separate path for that). So its basically poor relationship = distraction, and then be executed, or good relationship = proceed to Meiji.

Dying at the final battle I recognise that there are many players like you, so I implemented the low difficulty settings, to make the game less like a game and more like a story. Basically if you go for the lowest difficulty setting you should be able to proceed along any path and get through easily? But, I have to confess I’m not sure how easy people find it even in those difficult settings?


I didn’t notice there were difficulty settings until I’d already begun; maybe it would make sense to ask the player directly? Also, it may make sense to set a checkpoint just before the final battle (or any battle where death is possible), to allow players to just replay from there, rather than having to replay the whole game.


i think i prefer the c option to leave it but introduce an option on setting to hide it. it’s purely cosmetic and i actually like it.

oh, im glad someone already point it out and especially @ParrotWatcher. there is so much i want to tell you but already said by him and i can’t help but nod when i read it :+1:

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Played like 5 times died on all of them and they were on easy :

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After you chose your blood type, Aiko mentions how it fits the MC, then she proceeds to counter herself. I assume it’s David that’s supposed to counter Aiko? (I chose type B, if it matters)

Also, on Line 74 of the stats page, arcanus_relationship doesn’t exist.

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@ParrotWatcher I think you’re right, I’ve modified the game so that the player now has to make a conscious choice to choose setting, and highlighted in bold for those that enjoy the story to select “Very Easy”.

@gamergun I guess that it might be too difficult. Is anybody else having difficulty with the combat system? Or is it basically just that there are too few positive outcomes? (like, it is kind of difficult to reach a positive outcome as many involve the MC getting killed…) Any thoughts on this?

@Curious_Boy @ParrotWatcher I think this is a good idea, and I implemented a save system for all chapter (which can be selected in the settings menu).

@RedRoses @Curious_Boy I’ve now also introduced an option in the settings menu to avoid the game asking about your nationality if you choose to completely create your character

@UmbraLamia Thanks for noticing, these are now corrected!


me… and its in easy mode too XD. though i dont have any advice… i can’t ask you to lower its difficulty, coz maybe some people enjoy it.

great!! :triumph: btw, if it’s not too much to ask, could you update the compile file? the last one had some problem

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Also, after dying once at the Air fight, and then reviving, my Health became -50 (negative). So. Umm. Yeah. Lol. Actually, all the checkpoints have problems with Health values.

Anyway, The Kappa thing, omg XD. Immediately after the game explains the water spilling from its head thing, I chose to bow to the poor thing! What a brain fart moment :joy:

Edit: I also noticed that the word “shaking” is almost always misspelled as “shacking”.