Sounds like a COG version of Big Wolf on Campus.
Just googled it and you are right lol.
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With a description like this no wonder she’s at the top of the poll.
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Peak needs no introduction, but I am an inferior writer.
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The results of the poll.
1st: Irene with 18 votes
2nd: Samantha with 16 votes
3rd: Rachael with 13 votes (technically 12)
4th: Ashford with 10 votes
5th: Maria with 3 votes.
Votes were tallied here and on the discord for the results, see you guys later with another poll after act 2 drops. Which hopefully would redeem Maria since she is the main focus of the act, maybe she will have a landside victory.
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The concept is interesting, but the story needs so much work, it’s currently hard to enjoy reading it. Everything feels so rushed and the pacing and syntax desperately need some improvements.
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Understandable, I plan to fix everything as I improve.
What parts stood out to you as particularly rushed?
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Most of it honestly. It’s a bit better at the beginning, but it quickly becomes a bit of a mess. We go through so much so quickly and the transitions aren’t always present, so it tends to be overwhelming.
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so outside of a complete rewrite, I can’t solve the issue. I guess I will leave that for later, I planned to do a full chapter rewrite to unionize things later and improve whatever Ideas I had.
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dont rush it sure polish will be needed at some point but for now in my opinion i dont feel the slightest rushed in the story, you wont make everyone happy at the same time but for your first wip is very good writen in my eyes there some worse wips around where def would need a rewite not yours
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Hope it keep on that line then because I loved that show. So fun.
I’m also really liking the Harem Protag route so far.
How are you supposed to dream of the three main love interest in chapter one? You only have 1 dream choice in it.
Also Irene’s scene if you tell her to become yours is great (Hope we’ll be able to make her keep her word.)
Game need a look over for typos and english errors but outside of that you’re doing great and I love where it’s going so far.
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Maybe it’s just me, but could you make it a bit clearer that we were in a memory halfway through the story? Because for a little while, I thought we were in a very powerful illusion, but then I realized it was in the past
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@Fraud_Writer when is the shark coming 
Shark Girl is coming when it makes sense for the story, so chapters 2 and up.
How are you supposed to dream of the three main love interest in chapter one? You only have 1 dream choice in it.
That achievement was made for later, I was making an easter egg and I put that achievement there a lot earlier than needed.
Also Irene’s scene if you tell her to become yours is great (Hope we’ll be able to make her keep her word.)
She keeps her word, I won’t say anymore tho.
Game need a look over for typos and english errors but outside of that you’re doing great and I love where it’s going so far.
Yeah, I know but the proof reader got sick and so I had to fly free.
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Really interesting premise! Hadn’t ever considered a blending of the supernatural teenage stuff with sports but it’s a fun combo!
Grammar/Spelling/Stuff
“Being a girl does complicated things for the most part,” I feel like this should be → “Being a girl does complicate things for the most part, but that barrier doesn’t exist in the hypothetical.” But I could be wrong!
Wingman should probably be Wingmen given it’s a we.
“Like you were in the wrong,” I think.
The first paragraph should probably be in the present tense given the rest of it is?
“Where to,” and dragging what? Tad confused as to how robust is related to being pale.
Also more as a side/stylistic note the dialogue all feels a bit long/stilted and for the MC dialogue sometimes I pick an option that seems nice and the MC instead is a bit of a dick? Which makes reading it feel a little robotic for the other characters and chaotic for the MC. The also flashback feels really sudden without anything really leading into it.
Overall I do really enjoy the concept and I’m excited to see more and where it and the characters all go! Very curious as to how the different dreams will play out given there seems to be an achivement tied to each of them.
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Ah okay. Oh well, at least it made me reload to see every dream, I have a good idea which one refer to which character so far.
Nice.
Understandable. Honestly it’s not too bad, it’s just a lot of little things.
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I will fix the things that you pointed out, when i get home from work.
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ah yes, a language i don’t understand…
isso vai ser muito, muito engraçado
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The number of Portuguese speakers that read these games, and the less likelihood the player character knowing the language. The player character can try to learn it if they romance Maria, but that’s about it.