I almost fell off my chair when I saw that you already uploaded the demo! I played through all of the routes (sans the love triangle, because love triangles aren’t really my cup of tea) and I especially loved F and M! Their little fight was adorable too, and a great addition!
N felt a bit, I dunno, weird to me? Which was a bit disappointing because they were my original romance in book 1. Their dialogue felt more forced and unorganic compared to the others in UB. And while I really loved how you described F and M’s reactions to seeing the detective again, N seemed excessively dramatic and theatrical compared to the others. More like “starcrossed lovers, seperated for centuries, now finally seeing each other again” - kind of dramatic? I don’t know how to describe it properly, it just didn’t feel very natural or organic to me considering that this is like a super early stage of their “romantic” relationship to the MC.
And when they walk the MC to the car, the dialogue felt stiff and weird to me. Like, the conversations with the other love interests in that scene flowed a lot more naturally and the “setups” (the choices you make) had nice, natural responses.
But N’s scene wasn’t on the same level.
For example, when you pick “Combining our efforts will help if a case does crop up at any point”
they reply with “I was hoping to combine more than just our efforts” and it’s just a kinda weird and awkward way to segway into them sorta talking about the topic of being mutually interested in each other?
And when they say that they’ll have to reveal more thoughts on the matter, and the MC replies with “I’ll be sure to listen intently” it’s just… it doesn’t sound right, it doesn’t flow right. I can’t see my detective talking like that. It just feels awkward and forced, and I don’t feel the same chemistry between N and the MC that I felt in Book 1. In fact, I feel like MY detective would drive off from that conversation thinking something like “What the hell was that conversation?”
I dunno, I’m rambling at this point, and it might just be me. I just thought I’d be honest about it. I really, really love your writing, and the other characters were absolutely amazing and well written. I just feel like N’s dialogue wasn’t really on the same level, and I was missing the spark and the chemistry between them and the MC.
But I am definitely looking forward to seeing more <3