I do enjoy the classic VTM vibe you get from the story but eh… Some of the nomenclature really rubs me the wrong way.
‘Cloud’ evokes something flimsy or decentralized online data storage. Not a social body of any kind. I don’t know whether there’s a deeper reason for this naming or how set you are on it but it doesn’t work for me. Might I suggest ‘parliament’ instead? As in parliament of owls which are nocturnal so there’s actually a point here.
The clan names are awkward to say the least. I don’t know about Aznuit or whether there’s a hidden meaning other than sounding vaguely French. But Balkanic and Saharian being midly geographic just rubs me the wrong way. Saharian especially since to my knowledge the Sahara desert is somewhat sparsely populated and those people that live there band together. Bad ground for a vampire.
Beyond that, the geographical references are just vague and general and don’t give me a lot to work with. The Balkans are a wide multi-cultural space in these days, sitting at the intersection of Europe and Asia as they are. The East Roman Empire to the Ottomans and the Austrians, a lot has happened in that area.
If this is your way of saying ‘think Dracula’ or you want to refer to Transylvania without saying it, might I suggest a reference to Wallachia instead? Alternatively, if you just want to emphasize a generic Eastern European heritage you might try using one of the variations on Vourdalak (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Family_of_the_Vourdalak).
Merovingian now I don’t get at all unless all Merovingians are directly descended from that line of kings. Where’s the relation? I just don’t get what this js trying to convey.
As I said before, I really enjoy the vibe of this story (though I’m actually not a fan of the random nature of events simply because they’re not created equal in my enjoyment of them). But the nomenclature of the setting is really jarring at times (others like Puppet and Suzerain/Vassal totally work for me, mind you). I’m not even going to voice my thoughts on the city’s name but I wonder why someone would call their town Murderport. Is one of the suburbs Domestic Abuseville? Battery Springs? Arson Heights? Oops, now I talked about it anyway. Sorry.
On an unrelated note but on topic, there were times when I felt choices didn’t fully convey the resulting consequences. Like I had a sniper in place at the meeting with Russell. The choice was literally just to have him there. He tried to take a shot at Russell when he arrived which I’d never intended to have him do. The game just said sniper and meant to shoot Russell while I read sniper and thought just in case things went south.
Same in the vignette with the Priest. I had him followed and questioned by a Merovingian and afterwards my agent killed him despite that not being part of the choice text and something I wanted to not happen.
There was more but I admit I forgot the rest.
Despite all of this it’s a fun little game though I admit that the episodic nature of the vignettes doesn’t draw me in like a tighter story would.
I’d just urge you to really reconsider the nomenclature.
Lastly, I’ve found it vital to convert a good chunk of cash to Ankhs first thing cause you might run into a need for more than 2 Ankhs on your very first outing, with no way of knowing if this is your first game. It might make more sense to start the player out with more Ankhs and less cash.
There won’t be sparkling vampires around here.