The Spiral Kingdom- WIP

I’ve been working on this game for a bit, and I’ve finally overcome a) technical difficulties in compiling, and b) my own nervousness about posting here for the first time.

Tell me what you think! Please be as critical and nitpicky as you can, it helps. This whole section is basically just the introduction to the main plot stuff, so it’s nowhere near finished.

Also, how do you all feel about pictures in choice games? I’m more of a visual artist than a writer to be honest, and I’m considering adding some illustrations. Is that something people would be interested in?

Thanks, and also, hello! It’s nice to finally be posting here, after all those months of lurking. :slight_smile:


Nice game :slight_smile: I like it. Definitely like the personality options. Sort of like Hawke-lite.

I’m currently too busy to give this a proper read, but I thought I’d drop by and say that the illustrations for my gamebook, Trial of the Demon Hunter, were well recieved; many people said they were great additions. So to answer your question, I think implimenting art is a good idea; it adds more flavor. :slight_smile:

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Can’t wait for the next installment, also can’t wait to see how ruthless and cruel we can become and what the fate of our fellows and parental unit may be. Keep up the good work.

This is awesome! I didn’t find any problems and the story is really wonderful. Looking forward to this.

Oh, wow!

I fell in love with your game. Made it to the list of my favorite WIPs. The writing’s fabolous, I can’t wait to learn more about the plot(what you have so far is amazing). And I’d love to see some artwork. :slight_smile:

Can’t wait for next update!

I loved this! Keep up the good work.

Another great WIP.

Wonderful game! I really like what you have so far. I did find an error in this scene

“Direct approach, huh?” Jess says. “That could work, I guess.”

Reena shrugs. “I’m game. I’ll follow you, and pick them off. Rookie, you should hang back with Sutton until-”

“No,” Amelie says firmly. “Thank you, I can take care of myself.”

Jess glances at you. “Ready when you are,” he says.

I selected telling Jess he was the worst dream guide ever and it looped me back to this same scene with the same options.

Really good so far.

This was great!! I was sad when it ended, can’t wait to see more!

Hehe ‘I should go’

It’s a nice WIP. I hope you keep going with it!

Thanks for the feedback, guys!

@Winterhawk. I’ll get to fixing that, I’m not sure why it’s happening. Thanks for telling me.

@Lubu343 I’m actually pretty terrible at thinking of ruthless/evil options? I still want to include those options in the story though, so if you ever have any ideas, you should share them!

I’m glad people seem to like the personality options. Writing snarky responses to serious situations is my favourite thing. :slight_smile:

Like it :3

Not so much evil as much as cruel or bloodthirsty. Like there could be a flashback of when you were in the rebellion and for whatever reason you did something evil or cruel, like take no prisoners from a convoy of raw recruits or starved out a garrison along with the town because you didn’t want to loss to many men in an assult. Or maybe it could be more of just pure ruthlessness like ripping the heart out of an enemy’s chest. You know this story better than I do so you have a much larger scope of things currently. Please note people generally tolerate “smart” cruelty over just evil for evils sake. I prefer good heroes who aren’t afraid to be evil or cruel when the situation calls for it. Fear and hate are just as good tools as love and tolerance.

Really look forward to more

love the game so far

Wow. That’s a fun demo! I like the characters and interactions. Have to say, my favorite character so far is Amelie(besides Jess and MC). I like how some of the choices were humorous instead of just all serious(and it was fun grating on Leona’s nerves by being a smartass even if it probably isn’t a good idea in the long run).

I’m looking forward to future updates!

Oh this is so good! Reminds me of a Bioware game.
Are there gonna be romances?
I’m kinda smitten with Jess <3
Either way, love this game.

@RedRoses, I’m kind of in love with Jess as well

I found some typos:

“no more THAT five men,”

Also, this is pretty good :slight_smile: here’s what I enjoyed:
1.) The stats are dynamic
2.) The writing is eloquent
3.) The characters have personality
4.) Amelia is adorable 8->

Also, I’d love it if you added relationship meters with the characters :slight_smile:

Some things that I think could improve, though, are:
1.) Maybe this is just me, but I dislike choices where no decision is made. (i.e. where I’m not choosing between anything, I’m just going through a list of choices that are essentially next buttons) I’d prefer if these were swapped with real choices.
2.) This is just me being nitpicky, but I think choices should always be capitalized. I guess it makes it seem less rushed :stuck_out_tongue: