Great suggestion. I’ll work on that and upload it later tonight.
Master shadow mage, I have read what you have placed upon the table and enjoyed it rather thoroughly. While the pace was brisk, it kept me enthralled. I would suggest fleshing out the moment-to-moment with the RO’s and with those from you-know-who down below?
Thank you, Dear Author, for time well spent. I will be buying this as soon as it comes out
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I appreciate and am very grateful that you enjoyed my story. I will definitely integrate that into the story and am looking forward to you enjoying more of my work. You are an amazing individual. Go forth and do great things.
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Fantastic IF.
The power system is really well thought out.
My only gripe was I wish it was longer and also hopefully you are going for a sequel since our character seems to be like a legend
Maybe a second book about a descendant of him/her??
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And you, as well! Keep that momentum going!
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I am already working on a trilogy for this story but a story about a child or an even greater descendant a decade/century after the trilogy finishes sounds very promising. I’ll have to keep that in mind.
This seems like a good balance. Relationship ones might be a slightly too regulated…actually it might be better that way, idk.
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Let me know what the relationship stats look like when you’re finished and I’ll check and tweak if if I feel like it could be better.
Gave more deeper moments with the ROs, return visits with you know who, and a little more. Hope you all enjoy. If you’ve finished, you MIGHT wanna go back again 
That’s all for now shadow mages 
Hmm ive just passed the point where the council is deciding what’s to happen and I might have a concern in regards to Lyra Voss. Lol and I could be wrong and will defintly half to play through that point again after sleep.
Yet the concern I have is that im getting mixed signals from her and im not entirly sure if its based off a choice or two ive made or if its perhaps a background coding to text issue. Or like I said I could be wrong lol and its just her being her normal self in the situation. In any case im throughly enjoying the game and will defintly be doing multiple play throughs at some point.
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You mean the scene where she open up about her family/uncle and state she will testify against her uncle then after the council meeting disses you out about what you do in dark matters
Yeah it’s bugs me too
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Alright, I have compiled my thoughts after reading through.
In general, the story feels rather on the rails, but it’s also a somewhat short game so I can see why. There’s not much variation to things when I played- Whether you accept the training or not you end up doing it (no option to go it alone) and there’s also quite a few spots where the MC has their own thoughts or responses without any input from the reader- like Elena asking if you were scared and you always respond ‘terrified’ and have no choice to either not answer (being an edgy stoic) or say you were fine. Pre-determined parts of the MC can also come up with one of Elena’s lines about how you used to help the first years with their homework, or how you immediately pin up the child’s drawing.
There’s also several hardcuts to the next scene that feel jarring, like when Mira visits you before the Crucible- There’s like maybe 15 words exchanged between the two of you with no options to say anything or talk if you wanted to then straight to the next day right before the crucible itself. Really, the other characters feel like background objects in general, I remember getting a scene where I sketched ‘everyone I might lose’ since I had the sketching hobby and I had absolutely no recollection of Kieran. Mira I barely interacted with at the beginning, and Elena is only slightly better in that regard-- and I didn’t even realize Lydia was a character until I saw her name in the epilogue.
Sable’s segment has severe grammar issues.
“They is leaning-”
“They wears practical clothing”
“They says”
“They extends a hand”
It reads sorta like all instances of “He” or “She” was just replaced with “They” since if it was He or She it’d work in those sentences. Why do they even have a relationship meter?? I never saw them again and they had no epilogue section.
Ending is a bit… anticlimactic. I suppose there could’ve been more variation since I didn’t check the entire code for the chapter, but I didn’t get to kill Morath, and all my interpersonal stats were so low that only Aldric and Lyra had anything to really say. With a glance at the epilogue code it seems like there is no romance in the game? Which makes me a bit confused as to why characters are gender selectable…
I know that’s a lotta yap, and most of it sounds negative, but this is an actual completed story while most things end up in WIP limbo for ages- plus it’s your first so you can only really improve from here. I am also personally very burnt out on ‘good’ MCs so I did want more freedom to be more of a renegade or self interested rather than caring so much about everyone else. If you end up making another story, I would want to see how you improve from here since I do think you have potential.
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Just fixed it you guys. I’ll be uploading in a sec.
Dude, you are a powerhouse 
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I really appreciate the feedback and glad you enjoyed it and I will be making those changes
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I appreciate you!! So are you!
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I finished the game late last night and enjoyed it. I don’t mind the shorter chapters, though it might be good to have the chapter headers always indicate when a new one is starting, which isn’t always specified. Combat worked nicely, and I had no problem figuring out what to do. I do recommend using multiple pages on the stats screen, as the screen is very long even with putting text on the same line that might be better separated with line breaks. If you use multiple pages, you would have room for that. I did notice instances where variable pronouns at the start of a sentence were not capitalized. You can fix that on those occasions by using $!{variable} to force it to be capitalized. The only other issue I noticed were one or two places where quote marks were left out of one end of a line of dialogue. You might also want to use ChoiceScript’s built-in achievement system to record which ones have been found and show which ones are available (you can still go into detail about them at the end).
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I appreciate you for enjoying the story man. I’ll definitely remember that feedback for the future so I can continue to make novels everyone enjoys.
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i enjoyed the story so far but i keep getting an error after the first beast attack it says “chapter5 line 385: the achievement name beast_slayer was not declared as an *achievement in startup”
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I’ll get that fixed for you friend
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