I don’t normally follow WIPs, but really enjoyed this one and will keep an eye out for future updates. Loving the story so far, along with your writing style! Can’t wait to see what happens next!
Some things I noticed…
It’s hard to believe that parents who took care of me until 30 or so and who (I’m assuming) love me, would disown me and cut off all relations because I’m jobless. I can understand kicking me out, but disowning me? That’s a bit much. Maybe instead, when they physically throw me out, they say the typical “and don’t come back until you’ve made something of yourself!”
I chose female, but only get male options.
Confusing sentence 1
This transition was a little confusing when it said “leaving behind every comfort given…” because it made me think I put the knife back and left the box. After rereading it, I would suggest rewording the last part.
I think this sentence is confusing when reading for the first time. At least for me, it was. I normally don’t give feedback about commas, but in this situation I thought it made a big difference. I would suggest putting a comma after “to”
Confusing sentence 2
The last part of this sentence was confusing
Male instead of female
Not that it matters, but it’s hard to believe a house would be built where the dining hall, meant for guests who could easily get lost, would be hard to reach and requiring to go down not just one but “several twists and turns” to get there. Who designed the house? Lol
For our vegan/vegetarian friends, it would be immersive to add an option to refuse the meat dish. Food for thought
MC flaws 1
Is the main character, at the age of 30 or so, supposed to have zero sense of safety? Goes immediately to a dark, abandoned alley to sleep, hitchhikes when they wake, goes to a suspicious residence after the truck driver says there’s no residents in the area, enters the home of random strangers after giving their name, eats food from a stranger, takes a bath in a stranger’s bathroom, all the while not questioning why the MC was there and who sent the letter and where’s the box? I mean, crazy thought, but maybe, maaaaybe the MC is jobless because they have no sense of life skills? Lol! And even after being kicked out, is still depending on others to get around and get food/shelter etc. I think their nightmare situation is not their only problem in life…
MC flaws 2
If the MC has been struggling with these gruesome nightmares for their whole life, I’m sure the scenes have caused them to lose their appetite more than once and therefore should be used to missing a meal. Assuming, based on the story, that the MC skipped out on only dinner, what’s their focus on food throughout the story so far? They were just kicked out and in a strangers home, for free (as far as we know), and yet, they are worried about food and bring it up any chance they get? Lol does the MC not realize the situation and can’t handle missing one meal?
Cliche truck driver
I thought the truck driver’s dialogue and personality and just that whole scene was cliche. It would be really cool and help pique curiosity/interest if instead the truck driver was an atypical person/driver who foreshadows and mysteriously disappears after bringing the MC to the posh residence. For example, the trucker could speak only in cryptic sentences, not really answering questions directly and when the MC asks how they got to the residence, the gardener can say “a man carried you here after you collapsed and mysteriously disappeared” or something. It would also give an excuse as to why the MC would enter the home of someone who allegedly stole their things and indirectly is blackmailing them (“come to this residence if you ever want to see your precious belongings again!”)