Welcome, Resident. It seem’s you’ve no where to go. Have you lost your way? Have you made a wrong turn in life? In love? In happiness? No matter…those here are all seeking the same thing: a new beginning. A second chance. Our doors are always open.
For a price.
The Residence of Reeker Hill is a romantic horror story starring you, a beleaguered adult beset by frequent nightmares that haunt you even in daydreams. With the shadow of losing everything hanging over you, you’re greeted by a strange invitation falling into your lap. With nothing to your name and no price too high, you make your way to the address at the bottom of the mysterious card: 2418 Reeker Hill.
Hi all, I’m Leo! You may know me from another WIP, Triaina Academy. I’m still working on it, but this is also another project I’ve had stored away for a rainy day. I figured I’d post the work I’ve done so far from when I’m taking breaks from Triaina.
This is, yet another, romance story (Yes, I know, I’m that person), however this one has a bit of a different twist to it: an unreliable perspective on your ROs. Are they monsters or men? A true love or an unnatural death to you? You’ll have to determine that for yourself, while working out the truth behind the personal nightmare you’ve found yourself in.
Warnings: There’s some graphic descriptions of gore and suggestive themes involved with this WIP!
T is definitely different. Just have to say while reading the story then getting to the name Harley, could not help of think of Harley Quine ( don’t think I spelled it correct). Enjoying the story so far.
I don’t normally follow WIPs, but really enjoyed this one and will keep an eye out for future updates. Loving the story so far, along with your writing style! Can’t wait to see what happens next!
Some things I noticed…
Unloving parents
It’s hard to believe that parents who took care of me until 30 or so and who (I’m assuming) love me, would disown me and cut off all relations because I’m jobless. I can understand kicking me out, but disowning me? That’s a bit much. Maybe instead, when they physically throw me out, they say the typical “and don’t come back until you’ve made something of yourself!”
This transition was a little confusing when it said “leaving behind every comfort given…” because it made me think I put the knife back and left the box. After rereading it, I would suggest rewording the last part.
I think this sentence is confusing when reading for the first time. At least for me, it was. I normally don’t give feedback about commas, but in this situation I thought it made a big difference. I would suggest putting a comma after “to”
Not that it matters, but it’s hard to believe a house would be built where the dining hall, meant for guests who could easily get lost, would be hard to reach and requiring to go down not just one but “several twists and turns” to get there. Who designed the house? Lol
Is the main character, at the age of 30 or so, supposed to have zero sense of safety? Goes immediately to a dark, abandoned alley to sleep, hitchhikes when they wake, goes to a suspicious residence after the truck driver says there’s no residents in the area, enters the home of random strangers after giving their name, eats food from a stranger, takes a bath in a stranger’s bathroom, all the while not questioning why the MC was there and who sent the letter and where’s the box? I mean, crazy thought, but maybe, maaaaybe the MC is jobless because they have no sense of life skills? Lol! And even after being kicked out, is still depending on others to get around and get food/shelter etc. I think their nightmare situation is not their only problem in life…
MC flaws 2
If the MC has been struggling with these gruesome nightmares for their whole life, I’m sure the scenes have caused them to lose their appetite more than once and therefore should be used to missing a meal. Assuming, based on the story, that the MC skipped out on only dinner, what’s their focus on food throughout the story so far? They were just kicked out and in a strangers home, for free (as far as we know), and yet, they are worried about food and bring it up any chance they get? Lol does the MC not realize the situation and can’t handle missing one meal?
Cliche truck driver
I thought the truck driver’s dialogue and personality and just that whole scene was cliche. It would be really cool and help pique curiosity/interest if instead the truck driver was an atypical person/driver who foreshadows and mysteriously disappears after bringing the MC to the posh residence. For example, the trucker could speak only in cryptic sentences, not really answering questions directly and when the MC asks how they got to the residence, the gardener can say “a man carried you here after you collapsed and mysteriously disappeared” or something. It would also give an excuse as to why the MC would enter the home of someone who allegedly stole their things and indirectly is blackmailing them (“come to this residence if you ever want to see your precious belongings again!”)
I fixed all those mistakes you pointed out, as well as added some new bits of information here and there that may provide more believability in the situation.
The one thing I didn’t particularly change is the parents and the driver, the first because I don’t want the player believing they simply have the ability to ‘go back’ once things move better. They’re old and wouldn’t be able to support a grown adult for much longer anyway, which is also another reason why they kicked the MC out apart from not getting a job, and it wouldn’t be the first time threats like that have occurred from the father particularly. Do they love you? Who knows. I intentionally leave that part out. They could hate you for all you know due to how much strife you’ve caused for them, although I personally raise that question in the book haha. They could’ve kept you in till 30 because they understood it as a parental obligation, but it was something of a “last straw that broke the camel’s back” sort of deal.
The second is the driver, which I didn’t want to make creepy and whatnot for a reason. The world isn’t the creepy thing. The world is normal, and people are normal. You’re the one that’s not. Making a cryptic and out-of-the-ordinary driver who delivers you unto the house isn’t particularly what I had in mind. The driver seems like a cliche cuz he’s…well, just a typical truck driver. I didn’t want anything more out of the character, because he acts as a kind of foil to display normality for a small period before the eventual downhill slope to follow.
Thank you again for your great feedback, and I certainly hope the changes I made can somewhat help. I plan to flesh it out more but I only worked on it for like 30 minutes since I have some other work to do.
Damn you!!! Another WIP? I haven’t read it yet but I’m pretty sure that I’ll like that wip too. I’ve stuff to do but I guess a break will not do any harm… EDIT I found a typo, and I really don’t know if you want feedback on that 'cause I think that the games go through edition before it gets published. So since I’ve just noticed one I’ll put in here.
You’re assuming that what the gardener told us is the truth. Personally, I think that after we got out of the truck and was distracted with our hallucination, something happened to the nice truck driver. Maybe the butler came along and killed the truck driver while they (or another worker) came along and hid the truck? Maybe the meat in the sandwich truly is human meat? Maybe not the truck driver specifically at this moment, but another unfortunate soul. It does take time to process meat, regardless of its source, and they would look indistinguishable from each other once it’s done…
Ok, all joking aside; I really think that when the newcomer opens the bathroom door, we should be allowed to choose our characters reaction. I don’t know about all of you, but if I were in the middle of a bath and someone randomly opened the door, I would try to hide/cover myself up! And then get angry… or get angry instead of trying to hide! And I’m sure there are people who would probably try to seduce the poor/shy newcomer. Or just have no reaction to a total stranger walking in on them in the bath. The point I’m trying to make is, maybe give us a choice on how to react to the sudden intrusion.
Also, is it possible to give us the option to thank the butler for the bath and guiding us to it?
Also also, why did the butler give us a room that was already occupied? With all the rooms in the mansion (let’s face it, that’s what this place is), there wasn’t an empty room? Or, at the very least, the butler could have told us that the room belonged to someone else, or at least told the newcomer that we were using their bathroom!
My grand plan during the beginning, when introducing the hallucinations and people, is to provoke questions of whether or not what you see is real. I’m glad these thoughts are being provoked, because my intention is to make the player just as doubtful of what they witness.
I’ll see about incorporating that, good idea!
Yep, that’s possible! I’ll add that in.
Short answer: they didn’t.
Long answer: The newcomer is actually staying in the room right next to yours, but went into yours instead. I’d be explaining that during the later dining scene, along with a profuse apology by the newcomer after the butler/maid explains the mishap.
I like this game already. Where you inspired by Saya no Uta by any chance? I can’t help but feel like there’s a strong similarity to what our MC is going through and the protagonist of that VN. I like the twist that nothing is quite what it seems; what’s considered normal and sane for most people, is flipped around in the mind of a troubled person. Everything that is good becomes bad and everything is bad becomes good.
I can’t wait to see this game grow and come to fruition! Also, dark romances (horror + romance) are probably my favorite combination of genres. There are too few of these around so more is always welcome. Will the story ever reveal if those around us are actual monsters or will that always be up to us?
I’ve never heard of that, but I just looked it up and it seems very interesting! I’d have to play it to get the full effect, but I think the depiction of a “normal” and “nightmare” world is similar to my idea for this book. I kinda wanna play it now haha.
Oh, isn’t the fun part in interpretation? What tells you the people you see now aren’t already monsters? What makes a monster real? I think everyone’s got a dark spot somewhere inside…
In all actuality, I expect the player’s interpretation of the nightmares to…shift…over the course of the play through depending on their choices (positively or negatively).
I am fully prepared to embrace the “nightmare” world in this game! If the only place I can be at peace with myself is among the “freaks” and “horror shows” then that’s where I want to be. The sane world brings nothing but pain and sorrow so let’s embrace the madness and other like minded individuals so we can be one big, happy family!
I’ll add a couple female name options too.
